I have spent a great time writing about my word of the year in my blog which is the word “Freedom.”  My mom also has a word of the year, and her word of the year is Anchor.  This has then inspired me to write this blog post and poem for her.  

The definition of an anchor when looking at a verb is “secure firmly in position.”  Obviously when there is an anchor on a boat, the anchor’s job is to secure the boat firmly in position.  How exactly can this be a word of the year then?  Unless of course you are fishermen and you need to remember to get your anchor, why would this word be a spiritual guide? There needs to be a look at an anchor as a symbol in our lives for what holds us in position or in place.  However, I do think that there are many times that people, myself included, pick something else as our anchor besides the Lord, then we will not always stay firmly in the position that we want.

It can be easy to find other things as our anchors in this world.  This can be our jobs and how stable and safe we feel in our positions.  This may be why there is an increase in workaholism growing in the United States and in many other parts of the world.  There are also times that we may look at relationships as a safety net or an anchor.  This is also a wonderful and beautiful thing.  However, relationships can be a shaky thing at times, and they are not always the best anchor.  There also can be anchors in our talents.  Depending on the things that we are good at, we may start to depend on those same talents to give us our purpose or our awards.  

I may have told a bit of this story in the past, but at one time my anchor was nowhere near Jesus.  Not that I didn’t love Jesus at this time, but I was not as dependent on him as I should have been.  Jesus was certainly not where I found my identity.  In high school and in the first few years of college, it was all about being a good student.  I was bound and determined in high school to get straight As and have a 4.0 grade point average. I don’t know why I felt that this was supposed to define me.  I suppose I felt that if I had the best grades, then I would be seen as incredibly smart, responsible, and hard working.  

Then when I was in college, I was struggling to keep all straight As.  I still got good grades.  (I’m going to give myself some credit there.  I did work really, really hard in college).  But they weren’t all As.  I really started to doubt who I was. If I wasn’t the top student, then who was I?  If I wasn’t seen as the smart girl in the room, then who was I?  I was definitely struggling through an identity crisis.  The reason for this all bottled down to what I was seeing as my anchor.  Was I seeing my grades and ultimately my identity as a smart student as my anchor instead of the Lord?  During this phase of my life, yes, I absolutely was.  And all that left me was feeling as though I had to measure up to something so flawless, not very secure, and not even that important in the long run.   This left me very broken and feeling incredibly disappointed in myself.  

However, I did start to change my thoughts and the way I looked at my life in college.  I became a part of the Navigators student ministry when I was in college, and I also joined a Bible study as well as gained a mentor. Through these experiences in the Navigators student ministry, I started to notice that looking at grades as my anchor was actually quite harmful for me.  When I was struggling in a class, I then started to doubt who I was and what my purpose for the world was.  How awful is that! I was so dependent on something so unstable.   The Navigators reminded me that when I had accepted Jesus as a small child, I was supposed to make him the anchor of my life.  He was supposed to be the one thing that I needed to keep me stable.  

God and the hope that he brings is also mentioned in the Bible.  Hebrews 6:19 says, “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”  The hope that we have in Christ is going to make us feel firm and secure.  God can help us feel secure even when the world seems to be going every which way or is upside down.  While a business could go under and one could lose their job, God will always be present and available. While a relationship could end, God is never ending and always willing to keep the relationship.  While we could all eventually lose our talents or find we aren’t as good as we initially thought, being a child of God is the only validation and identity that we need to survive.  

Ultimately an anchor can save multiple lives.  Because an anchor can keep a boat steady, this can help it to not go under if there is heavy winds or the waters are high.  Our own personal anchor that we have in Christ is also what helps keep us steady and then what ultimately saves us from the heavy storms that hit our world.  

My Anchor:

An anchor to keep me still and quiet
An anchor to hold me steady
An anchor to place me in where I need to
An anchor to make me feel safe

Before I had you as an anchor
I often felt lost
I often felt alone
I often felt afraid

With you as an anchor
I now feel secure
I now feel safe
I now feel placed

An anchor to be my rock
An anchor to keep me calm
An anchor to give me identity
An anchor to be my constant

I need an anchor in the midst of a storm
I need an anchor when the waters are high
I need an anchor in the dark nights
I need an anchor even when the weather is sunny

I don’t need my talents
I don’t need my titles
I don’t need my relationships
I only need you as my anchor

An anchor to give me joy
An anchor to bring me hope
An anchor to keep my strength
An anchor to save me, that can ultimately save me

My four power words are integrity, inspire, create, and advocate.  These are the four words that I want to be known for, and the four words that I want to always live out.  Yes, I am going to pick a word of the year that I want to focus on, but these will always be the words that I want to define my life.  These are the words that most inspires and motivates me. (This is, of course, funny wording because one of my words is “inspire”).   This blog is going to focus on those four words and mainly why they are the main words that I picked to be the staple of my life.  

Let’s start with the word “inspire”.  This word’s synonyms are “to influence, move or guide.”  This can mean that you are moving, guiding, or influencing someone to do something. Basically inspiring people to live the life that they want to live.  This could be done either in a good way or in a bad way.  The main goal here, of course, is that you are inspiring in a positive way, whether this be through inspiring people to exercise, eating healthy, doing devotionals, starting a blog, painting canvases, etc.   

I do hope and wish in my many different aspects of life that I will be able to inspire others.  For one, I want to be able to inspire my students through my teaching.  I think that as a teacher we always want the chance to inspire our students to love school, love learning, love being kind, and love helping and inspiring them to be the person that they can be.  I have been inspired by many teachers this past year, and I hope that I can be one of those inspiring teachers.  

My second word is integrity.  The word integrity is defined by Merriam Webster as a “firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values.”  However, many people I know simply define integrity as “doing the right thing even when no one is watching.”  Basically as a person, you pick certain morals and codes that you want to have, and you follow them because you have a desire to.  This is, of course, maybe because you want to please yourself or you want to please Jesus. You have a desire to live a life of goodness and holiness.  

I love the word integrity so much because it is showing that a person should care about what they are doing for the very reason that it is important and something they appreciate.  I think that there are often times when people want to do certain things because they want to look good or because they want to please others, but when you strip that all away, what are you actually acting like?  What are you really caring about?  Do you care about following the rules even when no one is watching because it is the right thing to do, or because it is the rules and people are watching you?  Do you follow those expectations and rules, even when it is especially hard to?  I have a great desire to live a life of goodness and holiness.  It is really important to me that I do care about living a life like that even when it is hard and even when it is not going to get me anywhere.  

The third word is create.  I love to create things.  I really love crafts.  I think that it is always important to be creative and to think of things to create.  In many ways, we live in a society where we don’t have to.  We don’t have to necessarily create our own pieces of art because there is plenty to buy.  We don’t have to make our own paintings, but rather we can just go and buy a painting that someone else created.  We don’t have to make our own decorations in our house because there is a wide selection of decorations already available that can even be shipped to your door.  We don’t have to make our own entertainment, but rather we just have to go on Netflix, Youtube, or Hulu.  

Being creative is also something that you can use in all areas of your life.  You can and should often be creative when you are doing your job.  A lot of us probably had to be somewhat creative these last few months when it comes to how to best do your job that didn’t require being around other people or having to do your job at home.  For example, as I have mentioned in a few of my blogs, I am a teacher and, like other teachers around the nation, had to learn how to best teach online as opposed to in the school building.  

There are a few quotes that I really love when it comes to creativity that I also wanted to share.  The first is “Creativity is the way I share my soul with the world.” -Brene Brown.  I love this because creativity is the way that many people share their soul with the world.   This can be through their paintings and artwork or in their writing.  It can even, again, be through finding the best way or new ways to do their job.  Then there is also the quote by Maya Angelou which is “You can’t use up creativity.  The more that you use, the more that you have.”  I love, love, love this.  There are, of course, times where we feel that we use up all of our ideas, but I have really found that the more time that I am spending in painting, the more ideas I get for other canvases.  Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there when it comes to being creative.  I think the world needs to see more and more ideas in the world, more art, more writing pieces, and more homemade videos.  

My fourth and final word is advocate.  One of my favorite quotes (I have a lot of them) sums up advocacy.  “First they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a socialist.  Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a trade unionist.  Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—Because I was not a Jew.  Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”   Martin Niemöller, the pastor who wrote this, describes himself or other men who weren’t willing to stand up or advocate for other people in one of the world’s darkest deeds, the Holocaust.  Then when he is the one that is in trouble, as luck would have it, there is no one who is there to take care of him or advocate for him.  Martin Niemöller did later oppose the Nazi regime in the later part of it. He did not start out that way, and often will speak of his guilt for his original support of it. His quote is coming from a place of deep sadness for his part in hurting others and not advocating when he should have. This is also reminder that people can change and grow. We are never too far gone to start advocating for others.

To be an advocate one needs to not think about himself, but rather, they need to spend a majority of the time thinking about another person or people group. This again could really work with the word integrity in regard that one is caring about people and their well-being, not because it benefits themselves.   

You may have noticed that three of these four words are verbs.  Three of the words all require some sort of action.  They are not words that can just happen without any kind of work.  I need to be willing to have that work ethic as long as I also remember to have integrity in working through all of these actions. Now that I have shared my four power words, what are yours? Do you have a word that is your mantra or one that you try to live by? I would love to know it, if so!

I have just completed my first year of teaching. I have learned an incredible amount from teaching, way more than I initially thought that I would.  To start, I would say that I have experienced some things that maybe not all first year teachers have experienced.  We all have our first year journey, and mine has certainly been an interesting one.  There have been so many highs, so many that I can’t even count, while there have also been some lows.  These lows included are of course a few classroom management struggles I wasn’t planning on and a pandemic that closed down the school for the end of the year.  

One major thing that I have learned is patience.  I have been praying for years for God to work with me on my patience.  My patience has always been the spiritual gift that I feel I have lacked the most.  However, since teaching, I have found I have the capability to be patient in many different situations.  I still have lost my patience more than I would have liked to.  This is something that I am hoping to continue to grow in next year and many years after.  Now, that I have experienced a lot of different situations, I am hoping that I will continue to be more patient when I am experiencing a similar situation in the future.  

I have also discovered a lot about grace since I have started working as a teacher.  I think that it can be very easy as a person to not have a good relationship with a particular person/student and to then avoid them.  There are a few students that I didn’t and still don’t personally click with as well.   They may misbehave, talk back, or not follow directions. However, I have instead learned about grace throughout many different times and situations in this year. This is, of course, in  giving people endless changes, and creating a new day out of, well, everyday.  To give one example, at the beginning of the year, there was one particular student who I didn’t necessarily get along with, but today I actually talk to a lot.  After a lot of grace and prayers, we get along a lot better than we did at the beginning of the year and a lot better than I would have believed if you would have told me that at the beginning of the year.  Grace mattered, and that is something I am going to continue to work on with other students.  I have also learned this from my fellow teachers that I work with.  They are amazing at showing grace and giving endless chances to students, and I have tried my best to learn from them.  

I also learned how to be flexible.  I think there are many times in life when we have to be flexible.  This flexibility and the willingness to be flexible is another showcase of giving God your control.  This means one is willing to go with whatever life gives you.  They tell you many times when you are studying to become a teacher, that you may need to be flexible and willing to change your plans.  There were days when people ended up having to be gone because of sports that I wasn’t planning on, or there were days you could just tell the students are too upset to really learn a lot of content.   There were days when we had to spend some time talking out our problems.  (This was, of course, with the smaller classes). I learned to assess situations and make changes based on that.

This year as many people know, we (as teachers and students) all over the nation had to complete our fourth quarter of the year online because of COVID-19.  For my particular school policy, we had a few weeks of optional learning, but then we moved into required online learning for the last few weeks of school.  This resulted in having to create my lesson plans, that were new from the beginning for me, to now be done online separate from my students on a computer screen.  This has become an interesting challenge.  I have learned a few more online resources though that I definitely want to try in the future with my classes when we meet in person.  This has taught me how to be creative in a situation that no one from the beginning of the year could have expected.  This will, again, hopefully help me be more and more ready to handle any other new and interesting situation that will come my way.  

One thing that I will say that I have learned best about this year is that I am so proud to be a teacher.  Every time that someone asks me what I do for a living, I absolutely love saying that I am a teacher and that I teach kids.  I love getting the chance to tell stories about the kids and their classroom shenanigans. I love getting the chance to say what the students have all learned, and some of the fun activities or projects that we have gotten to create or complete.  I love watching my students learn new things and start to become the person that they are.  I am so incredibly proud to be my student’s teacher.  I have compassionate, kind, hardworking, and funny students.   

Talking back to the social distancing teaching, even though that was a lot harder than one would think, there was an increasing appreciation for my students.  When I first heard that we weren’t going to be meeting in person for, at the time, four weeks, I was so sad.  I instantly thought of how much I wanted to spend more time in the classroom with my students, especially the students that were going to be graduating at the end of the year.  I felt bad that students weren’t going to get to participate in their spring activities, and how I wanted to support my students in those events.  But something that I did have was Google meets and meeting with my students on the computer.  I was incredibly pleased when I had my google meets.  For a majority of the time, we actually spent a good amount of time talking and catching up about what the students have been doing and how they are doing.  I appreciated it so much, and I was instantly filled with joy for the small amount of interaction I got to have with them.  This will hopefully be something I remember and really appreciate next year.  Even on days that are harder to get up in the morning, I am hoping that I will remember how much I missed the regularity of seeing them and appreciate them every second longer.    

The following is a poem that I wrote that will hopefully be something that I remember in all future years of teaching and working with children. 

A Teacher’s Prayer:

Lord, please help me to achieve all that you need me to today
Give me eyes to see the whole child
Help me hear the cries of the hurting child
Grant me patience to work with the defiant child

God, help me to see beyond the surface
Help me to listen beyond the complaints and yells,
Help me comfort the upcoming fears
Help me to empathize with the tears

God grant me patience when the students don’t listen
God grant me grace to forgive any misunderstandings
God grant me peace to be steady amongst chaos
God grant me God’s love that I can give out to everyone

God, please guide me in all things
guide the right words to speak
Please guide me in the content that I teach
Guide me in confidence and assurance

Lord help me to do my best
To be the teacher that my students need and deserve
To be the kind mentor and listener
To be able to forgive myself and fix my mistakes

Lord, I pray for my students
I pray for their continued safety
I pray for their growth, both in education and life
I pray for their character, and that it will prosper
I pray for their future and that it will be incredibly bright

This blog is going to be a bit different.  Usually when I set out to make a blog, I am doing some reflection on a verse from my Bible study or a concept from a book that I really enjoy.  Every once in a while this can also come from a pop culture reference that actually can really apply to our own lives.  However, this blog is going to have a bit of that, as well as information about a nonprofit organization that I really love and have been volunteering/leading with, and even a direct application of things we can all do.  This is about an event that is coming up that is very important to me, and I want to give everyone a chance to participate in it with me!

I recently was reading a book called “Dear Church,” by Lenny Duncan.  This book is a love letter to the ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church in America) describing their race relations as they are the whitest church denomination in the world.  This book opens up the idea that the church needs to be thinking more about their addition of culture and race into their church. Basically the idea is that the church should be growing and become more diverse. This book also describes caring about one’s neighbor, especially if that neighbor is of a different race or culture than you. 

One quote from this book that really struck me was;  “Grace is a powerful message to hear: that the cost of salvation is nothing; that the ledger balance has been paid; that I don’t have to earn my freedom in Christ, which in turn sets me loose to fight for freedom here on earth; that I can turn my focus to my neighbor.”  This quote is beautiful.  Jesus died on the cross for our sins, so that we could have freedom in him.  He didn’t mind forfeiting up his freedom that he had with his father in heaven in order to come and help us gain our freedom.  We don’t have to earn it.  No one does.  We are granted it by Jesus solely, and we just have to accept it.  

This quote also includes too many commands that are given throughout the Bible. To give an example of a Biblical verse similar to this quote is Galatians 5:13 which is “For you were called to freedom, brother. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”  Because we have gained our own personal freedom in the spirit, our next command is to help others achieve that same freedom and love from Jesus.  We want as many people from the world from every tongue, nation, tribe to achieve this complete, unearned but given freedom in Christ.  

For many people who know me, they know that I am very passionate about working against Human Trafficking and modern day slavery in all areas of the world.  I know that I am incredibly blessed to have freedom in my life when it comes to the ability to vote, make decisions, work, and dream.  Because of this, I want to continue to fight for the millions of people that are enslaved in the world.  There are more slaves in this world now more than there ever has been in history.  Here is a time when I am actually not just talking about spiritual freedom, but they are physically enslaved and made to do hard labor where most of them receive little to no pay or have sex with multiple people whom they don’t know.  There are also many who are enslaved in prisons for crimes they did not commit, but they don’t have the money in order to receive a good lawyer to gain their freedom.  Sadly, there is a great deal of this in the world, and we have the ability to help many people through it. 

One nonprofit organization that I have loved for a long time then is IJM or International Justice Mission.  IJM fights Modern Day slavery all over the world including fighting the unjust fishing industry in Ghana, and southern Asia, as well as fighting violence against women in Latin America, and the online sex trafficking industry in the Philippines amongst many other things. Their overall motto as an organization is “Until all are Free.”  This is because IJM and the workers who work for IJM know that we will never fully have a perfect and peaceful world until all in the world are free.  Everyone needs to be able to be a part of this complete freedom.  IJM’s main goal is to go in and rescue slaves, yes, but then they also have a goal to recreate the government systems as the main reason for why these people were enslaved in the first place.  This will thus create a slave free world that will then create a world of peace and love.  

One event that they are going to do is Race for Rescue.  This Race for Rescue will be a virtual run where you can run it in your own home, on your porch, or around your town. This is a perfect time to get some exercise for a good cause, specifically fighting for freedom for everyone in the world.  You can start your own team or join the team in general. Will you join the race? There is also, of course, a chance to donate to the event or specific teams or people. Here is actually the link to my page!

The major question that we can ask ourselves is: are we using our freedom in Christ to make freedom a possibility in someone else’s life? This, of course, can take on many different forms.  Whether this be that you spend a good portion of your time making sure people are fed and cared for.  Whether this is through making sure to spend time evangelizing to your neighbors, whether they are living close by or in a different country.  Whether this be through devoting your time and efforts to making sure the word is spread to the youth. There are so many ways and journeys that one can take in order to share our freedom and love of God with the world.  This is one of the main ways that I am choosing to, but this is something that we most definitely can use our freedom for: to help people gain freedom, both physically and then eventually spiritually.   

My mom is my favorite person in this world.  For those who don’t have the pleasure of knowing my mom, she is a math teacher and has been for 20 years.  She has dedicated a bunch of time to this job as a teacher and a coach, and there have been so many students that have been greatly impacted positively from her 20 years.  Because of her love and passion for teaching, as well as my love of school, were the main reasons that I decided to become a teacher in the first place.  She has taught me so much in the past year as I have been completing my first year of teaching.  I have gone to her many different times in order to complain, share, and ask questions.  I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have her this year more than ever.  

You are the best person in my life.  Thank you for always being supportive of me.  When I started this blog, you were the first one to read my first blog.  (In fact, I think I had you read it over before I posted it).  You were my first follower and thus the first one to get email notifications to read my next blog.  You have commented so far on every blog that you have received. It is always great to know that I have at least one person who reads what I have to say and believes it to be valid. I wouldn’t know what to do if I didn’t have that person behind me to support me.  I wonder if I would have continued on or written my second blog if I didn’t have that constant support that was given from you.  Thank you for always supporting me, no matter what I was trying to achieve, whether this be this blog, my painting and crafting, or pursuing a career.  

Another big thing that my mom has done for me is empowered me.  She taught me how to love and have confidence in myself.  She herself is a strong and confident woman who never ever made it easy for me to give up or be weak about something.  When I started running, and I was awful at it, she would get upset with me when I would start crying and whining at the pain.  This was because whining at the side ache wasn’t going to make me a good runner.  Because of these things, I absolutely love running and have even achieved one goal of mine which was running a half marathon. My mom could have been easy on me, but she knew I could do better.   If I hadn’t had my mom to run with me, I wouldn’t have done that, and I most definitely wouldn’t be a runner today.  

She also has taught me to be a strong woman that can live on my own.  The only reason I am a very happy single person is because my mom never cared about me having a boyfriend.  She would hardly ever and I do mean ever ask me which boy I was interested in and never cared if I had a boyfriend.  This made me grow up to realize that the most important thing was not whether or not I was in a relationship.  Not that it is, of course, a problem if I ever do get married or have a boyfriend, but what is important is that it wasn’t something I would feel forced or persuaded into. What really mattered to her was that she taught me how to live independently, and that I am completely alright on my own.  She is just happy that I have a stable and great job, am able to pay my rent, can make my own meals, clean up and take care of my place (kind of), and be as happy as possible.  Also, as long and, of course, as I stayed connected to the faith and knew to rely on the love of Jesus for everything.

When I was a child, you were also one, sadly, that taught me that there is evil in the world. You were the one who taught me that there are people who intentionally try to hurt other people.  You would then feel so awful for me when someone would go out of their way to hurt me.  You would become mama bear 2.0.  I know that this year has been a bit rougher for you, and that makes me upset.  I am glad though that because of this year, you have actually grown closer to God.  You are becoming a more spiritual person.  This is because you are too good of a person to stay down, and I always want you to remember that.  There is nothing that is going to keep you down for good.  

Because of these reasons, I want you to have the best Mother’s Day ever!  I am so happy that I get to be your daughter and that you are my mom. I can’t believe that I have been so blessed. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY MOM!

The past three years I have discovered how much I love painting.  I have always been a crafty person who loved to make cards, ornaments, and bookmarks amongst other things.  However, I have never really spent time painting canvases before college.  Then my friends along with resident assistants introduced me to canvas parties and thus painting on canvases. Now I have become somewhat obsessive with it.  (Not really, but I have made A LOT of painted canvases in these past couple of years.  It also will often be a part of a present for the people I like.  So if you ever become my friend, you may be getting a painting. You have been warned.)

Now, I am going to first say that I am not the best at painting.  I am trying my best to learn more and more on how to paint by self-teaching and watching tutorials.  I am experimenting all the time. I try different techniques such as writing quotes, nature scenes, silhouettes, logos, etc.  I love getting the chance to be creative and try new things. I will also say that this self-teaching of painting as well as any other craft has taught me a lot more than just how to create the best product.   It has also taught me that artwork can teach a lot about life. There are three main takeaways I have that showcase how creating art can teach a person a lot about life.  

First thing-Keep going, even when there are mistakes.  There have only been a few times where I have set down a painting for a long time.  One of them, I did end up painting over what I was originally doing and then I did something different.  But otherwise I usually just keep going with what my original plan was.  But even if it wasn’t, the point is that I haven’t stopped painting even when I do make a mistake.  It can be easy to do.  Especially when I look at how my painting looks, compared to many others out there in the world. 

There are going to be times in life when giving up seems like the best option.  This could be in a job, a ministry, or a different project, etc.   But it is always important that we keep going.  There are going to be mistakes.  As Bob Ross, of course, would say, “There are no mistakes, just happy accidents.” (Interesting fact, Bob Ross sadly died the exact same day that I was born.  The joke with my family now is that I am the next Bob Ross or Bob Ross incarnate.  Even though I am nowhere near the painter that he is.)  These happy accidents are going to be a part of painting.  These “happy accidents” are also going to a part of life.  Just like there is going to be a wrong path or a wrong brush stroke in painting, there will be in life too.  Sadly, no one can escape this.  Everyone makes mistakes. However, these happy accidents can always be something that help us grow.  Even though that mistake may not necessarily make the painting better, moving past it and continuing to work can make the final product even better.  

Second thing-Step back and Start over. Now there may be times when I do have to completely start over when it comes to painting.  This is unfortunate and sometimes disappointing.  Because it is taking more time.  I now feel as though I wasted time doing the original design, and wasted time is the worst.  (Except for when you are in the middle of social distancing and are supposed to have a lot of free time).  

There are times when we need to step back and start over in our own lives.  We may realize that there is a job that we don’t like or feel isn’t actually good for us or for our ministry.  There may be a time when we feel we need to move to another place or town.  We may have to stop and start over.  Granted, there is still a lot gained from that experience in life, whatever that may be.  There were things learned about ourselves, maybe from a mistake, maybe a skill, etc.  But, there is still a starting over process.  We are uprooting ourselves.  This is often also described as starting a new chapter of our lies. 

Third thing-the picture is worth it in the end.  Even at the end, after we have gone through struggle, excitement, frustration, and mistakes, there is a painting at the end.  At the end of our lives, we are also going to have a painting.  We may not know where those turns and mistakes will take us, but we at least know that we are going to have a wonderful masterpiece at the end.  There is going to be a painting that is beautiful, and it is something that we can be proud of.  Even if everything isn’t perfect, we at least can look at it and say that we did it.  We didn’t go out and buy something someone else made.  We don’t have a painting that doesn’t include our interests or our passions, but rather it is a painting that includes our very passions, interests and things that we love. (Or if it is a gift for someone else, then it is for the people that you love.)

This will hopefully be the life that we live.  We are and aren’t in many ways the painters of our lives.  I say that we are and we aren’t for a few reasons.  We are because we are daily making decisions.  We are deciding what it is that we want to do for a career, the friends that we make, the groups that we want to join, etc.  We are also filling our lives up with things that we are passionate about.  We are making connections and relationships with people that are really important to us.  However, at the very core of all of the pieces of the painting of our lives, there is God helping us lead the paint strokes.  He wants to be as much a part of the process as we are.  He is a creator, after all.  That is one of his main characteristics.  He was the one that created everyone with their uniqueness and the entire big and enticing universe.  It is the best interest for us when we let God be the main artist.  In many ways, we are even one of the many paint brushes that God wants to use to make for his final world painting.  

In the end, life and art can both be messy and include a lot of mistakes, but there is always a God that is willing to help lead our paint strokes or our hands. In the end, our lives will showcase a masterpiece.  Especially a masterpiece that shows glory and honor to the original one who made it.  

One of my favorite sayings that is almost like a poem is the following, “Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know it so it goes on flying anyway.” This is written by Mary Kay Ash.   I have that poem with a small bumblebee charm along with this poem at my house. There was even one time I bought this same charm and poem for the middle school girls that I was a mentor for at a girl’s camp.  (We were the yellow team, so it was fitting). I again, similar to the sunflower poem, love symbolism.  I love being able to see something in the real world that works as a reminder to live out in my life.  I love being able to see a bee and know that it can be used as a reminder to have faith, or to look at a sunflower and to remember to live and reflect the son of Jesus Christ. 

There are times in our lives when this faith that a bee has can be easy.  Think like sitting in a chair or getting in a car.  We hardly ever really have to think that hard about the risks that we are taking.  How do we know the chair will hold us when we sit down? Do we ever get nervous that we will get into an accident when we are driving? Maybe when there is a storm, but otherwise we have complete confidence in our ability of driving and in sitting in a chair.  There are other times that it can be really hard to have faith.  This, of course, can be in health that may be failing, major life decisions, finances, and the future for family members or friends.  

For those that have known me in the past, they know that I have really struggled with anxiety most of my life.  When I was a kid, I didn’t know that the word was anxiety.  I would have just described it as me being a worry-wart kid.   My mom would often tell me I spent way too much time worrying about stuff, and I was often too in my head.  I’ll never forget the time that I learned about appendicitis.  I was so nervous that I would have an appendix erupt inside of me, and then I would die.  I started to feel like my right side was hurting! I was crying out in pain for an hour long car drive, while my mom was trying to comfort me. How crazy was that?  I was like five or six years old.  I was a kid, and that should have been the last thing that was on my mind, but yet there I was, worrying about a small organ inside of my body.  (Granted I could have an appendicitis, but worrying about it wouldn’t have stopped it from happening, and that is quite the point). 

Then when I was in college, I started to have anxiety and panic attacks.  This became a regular occurrence, eventually daily.  I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and it felt as though there was an elephant sitting on my chest.  Eventually I would get on some medication for a few years, and that was incredibly helpful.  I will never deny the assistance that these medications were helpful, and there are times when I sometimes want to return to the medication.  I will never say that those who are considering medication, are not trusting God enough because I don’t believe that in the slightest.  I was one of the people who needed it at that particular time in my life. The anxiety medication was something that became a bit more of a necessity during this phase of my life, and I am very thankful for the doctors and medication that offered great assistance.  

However, I hardly ever bring my fears to Jesus.  I do not spend enough time going to the Lord when I have fear and anxiety.  I don’t always pray over my fears. There are many times that I feel I can only trust myself when it comes to my fears. I also don’t always trust God.  I don’t always believe that God will help me in all situations.  In fact, I am almost confident that I can help myself out better than God can.  I feel as though I can fix all of my problems, but all that does is leave me with more anxiety and worry.  For those who have been following this blog or have read a few of my other blogs may have heard me talk about my word of the year.  This word is freedom.  There are many different caveats in this word, and one of them is complete faith in God.  When one has complete faith in the Lord, there is freedom in the fear and anxiety that otherwise feels paralyzing.  This can be even during the small things of life like whether or not you should try something new.   Because of my anxiety and fear, and therefore lack of freedom, there are many things that I can be afraid to do and therefore don’t do.  This could even be something as small as visiting with my neighbor and telling them about Jesus or asking someone if I could pray over them.  

You wouldn’t be able to tell a bumblebee that it can’t fly because it believes that it can fly or rather that it knows how to fly.  Therefore, it flies.  It is never afraid that it can’t.  Even if it did, it certainly doesn’t let that stop it.  The bee has a place to be and things to do, that being afraid of whether or not it can fly, won’t work.  That is complete faith that is almost like knowledge, where it becomes so secondhand that you don’t even have to think about it. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to not have to think much about what we do?  Wouldn’t it be amazing to do the things that we want to do without the fear of failing?  Wouldn’t it be great to be comfortable going outside a person’s comfort zone?  Sadly, I won’t say that this is something that will ever happen.  These things may always be scary. But it is likely that every time we do step out in faith and depend on the Lord, it becomes easier and easier to step out of the comfort zone.

For me, this also really came out when it came to this blog.  When I was a kid, I had always wanted to be a writer.  I wanted to have books published, and there are many times that I still dream of that happening in my future.  When I was in college though, I struggled writing papers, and the feedback I received sometimes was brutal, honest, but brutal.  I started to doubt if I had anything to say or even if I did, could I say it well enough to matter.  This last year  I started to put a few thoughts together and then I even started to write them down.  This would still take me a little less than a year to actually start my blog, but at least the idea and dream of writing was starting to come back to me.  I am still sometimes afraid of people not liking what I have to say.  I am afraid of people thinking I was silly and weird for my thoughts. 

There are still times that I do.  There have been times when I have written something and gone back and forth on whether or not I should actually publish it or put it on social media.  But then I try to remember that God helped me construct those thoughts and words. He helped me put together sentences as I am continuing to grow in all areas; spiritually, mentally, physically, and even professionally.   If he has put these words on my heart that now has come to a computer screen, then it is something that should be put out there into the world.  If my words that come from God can be used to touch someone or if it can spread God’s word and love, then the initial discomfort or fear of sharing is worth it.  

Is there something that you are afraid to try?  Is there something that you have always wanted to do but was afraid to put yourself out there?  Maybe this could be running, writing, singing, or learning to play an instrument.  Maybe this would even be something small like asking someone if you could pray over them.  Do you trust the Lord enough with everything, both the small and big things? These are good questions to ask yourself. I know I would personally love to see you all try something new. Try being brave. We can keep each other accountable with this.

Please just remember that you can “Beelieve and fly high.”

“Empowered women empower women.”  Lately this is one of my favorite quotes.  It is completely 100% true.  However, really what does this quote entirely mean? What does it mean to be empowered?  The definition of empowered from the Merriam-Webster dictionary is “having the knowledge, confidence, means, or ability to do things or make decisions for oneself.”  An empowered woman is a woman who knows her own self-worth and is very able to do things on her own, independently. This might not mean all the time.  We all need help from time to time, and we all should be very dependent on Jesus, but you are at least willing to do the tasks that you have been assigned to the best of your ability on your own.  

The definition also included, you are also confident enough in themselves. She knows who she is.  She also knows whose she is.  This is important.  When a woman is completely confident, she is not easily swayed by other people around her.  She also is not as easy to fall into the very easy trap of jealousy and comparison that may seem prettier, nicer, more athletic, more musical, etc.  She won’t be swayed because she is happy with her talents and her personality. She knows that she was made great just the way that she is.  

 We as women have learned to embody this comparison in many negative ways.  Our jealousy towards other women can eat us up alive. There is often an idea that we almost need to take down another girl in order for us to achieve.   Just watching teen movies, there is a constant fight between the main mean girl and the mean, popular girl.  (I do realize that this can also often happen with boys throughout their time in high school for some movies, but for right now I am focusing on the story of women.)  This needs to be the opposite. We need to focus our attention on helping the next woman in line feel confident once we do. 

The Bible has many reasons as to why one should not fall into this form of jealousy or comparison. This is because jealousy and comparison is only something that is going to hurt ourselves.  “Proverbs 14:30  A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.”  Granted, this comparison and jealousy won’t actually make our bones rot, but this comparison and jealousy can make us sick inside.  However the peace inside that one can have will make everything in life brighter.  

I have a perfect example of this.  I will never forget that there was this one day that I ran a 15K which in non-runner speak means 9.3 miles.  It was the farthest I had ever run at that time.  I was so happy and proud of myself.  I would look at the participation medal and jacket and just smile.  I had been training for that race for months.  However, then I saw a post by a girl I know who is a year younger than me talking about finishing her half marathon, 13.1 miles, in a time that was impressive to say the least.  I was immediately disheartened.  I knew this girl.  She was even a year younger than me, and yet she was able to do something I couldn’t do.  I almost didn’t care that I had just achieved a great goal of mine.  

The response that I had at that time in high school was not a response of an empowered woman, maybe a girl who was working her way towards that, but not completely there.  This made me shame myself and my body who I felt like couldn’t compete.  I didn’t have a tranquil heart at all, but rather a sickening disappointment. Later on, I would eventually set a goal to run a half marathon, and after a few years of training as well as one failed attempt to make one without stopping, I ran a half marathon.  It is still one of my proudest accomplishments.  And, even though that day I saw other people I know run the same race in a shorter time, I was not going to be disappointed by anything. Because at that time, I was starting to learn that just because someone can do something better than you, doesn’t mean that you have to quit or become frustrated. You can always be inspired and have a desire to do better, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy for the highs along the way. I had a space in the runner’s world, as did the other runners.  I wasn’t kicked out of the nonexistent club of runners because I wasn’t as fast or didn’t run a full marathon.  This is what it means to be empowered.  I was realizing that I loved to do something that other women do, and that it is ok that we both do it, even if the one does it better. 

I am never going to say that I don’t get jealous today.  It is still something that I struggle with on a day to day basis.  But, I don’t want that jealousy to ruin things that I love about myself or things that I am proud of.  I was made by God, and he made me the exact way that he wants me.  This is something that I always need to remember.  You also must remember that.  You were made perfectly by God and are deeply loved.  This is especially true when it comes to my relationship with Jesus.  My relationship with Jesus and my ministry opportunities is something that I need to focus on for myself.  If I am constantly concerned about being as spiritual, as religious, reading the Bible more, then I am not focused on the right things.  I am more concerned about “looking” Godly and righteous, than actually “being” Godly and righteous.  Being inspired by another woman is perfectly acceptable, but when it becomes a comparison filled with jealousy and anger, then we are approaching a problem.   

Once we have that confidence starting to focus less on our jealousy and comparison, we can start to look at encouraging and empowering others around us.  Empowering women or straight up encouraging the people around us, is also a very Godly command.  It is a very Godly thing when we spend the time encouraging one another.  “1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” Seeing other women’s gifts and encouraging them in their gifts, is incredibly important.  Even being willing to help mentor them in their confidence and happiness over their life is completely life-fulfilling.  

I also believe that it is very important to support, pray, and encourage empowering women organizations.  There are also many organizations that I love to pray over in regard to empowering women.  This is helping girls and women recovering from sexual trauma, women and girls in other countries not being able to be educated, or achieve any of their dreams.  Just taking the time to pray about these organizations will go a long way in this world.  

(Side note, while this blog post was about the quote, empowered women, empower women.  It is important to note that anyone can struggle with comparison, not matter what age or gender.  Overcoming this jealousy and comparison is important no matter who you are.  I know as a woman, that I and many women friends have struggled with this in many ways.)

I am doing something different with this blog.  Last summer I started to really enjoy writing and reading poetry.  I still have a lot to learn when it comes to writing poetry. However, this was the poem that I feel is my best work and one that I actually use as an inspiration in my life.  Because it is titled “Sunflower” and it is all about seeing sunflowers as a symbol, you will find that sunflowers are the main piece of decoration in my apartment. I hope that this poem and blog will lift spirits as we are now in spring, with a summer and warm weather approaching.  

Sunflower

I want everyone to remember to be like a sunflower.  It is not always easy. We would much rather follow our own heart and own mind rather than the Lord’s.  He always knows where we need to be going. He always knows what we really need, so there is no need to worry about following the wrong way.  God blesses us with simple beautiful symbols all throughout the world. Sunflowers are just one example of a beautiful symbol. God has created a simple and beautiful flower to showcase how we are supposed to live on a daily basis.  A sunflower will never be anything without the sun, and that is the same as us with our son, Jesus Christ.  

The sunflower’s main job is to showcase and follow the sun in the sky, while our main job is to follow and showcase the son being Jesus Christ.  When people see us, they should see Jesus Christ in how we love, learn, care, teach, and work. This even includes the hard times and the hard tasks. The Sunflower, especially immature sunflowers still face where the sun should be on cloudy days. They know that even though it is dark and cloudy, that there is a sun underneath those clouds.  This also happens at night when the sun has gone down for the night. Sunflowers patiently wait facing the east for the sun to come up. The sunflowers know that even though it is dark at the moment, there is a glorious morning on the horizon. No matter how dark it can get at certain times, always remember that there is a son, Jesus Christ, that is there and who will eventually come back for the rest of eternity.  

Lately my devotional has been a deep dive into the lives and prophecies of the minor prophets.  One of the minor prophets is Hosea. Hosea is a book in the Bible that describes God’s heart for his people.  Even though the nation had been unfaithful to the Lord, often being compared to an unfaithful wife, God continues to love and care for the people of Israel.  Granted, the Israelites were going to be punished because of their unfaithfulness, but after the Israelites were punished, God was going to call his people back to himself.  This is something that God has done multiple other times throughout the Bible, and this is exactly something that God wants to do in our own personal lives.  

Hosea 2:19-20, “I will betroth you to me forever;  I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.” This was a verse that God professes to Hosea after he tells him everything that is going to happen with the Isrealites.  God desires to bretroth his people in righteousness, justice, love, and compassion. This sounds amazing. Even though his people at this particular moment in the Bible were falling away from him, he was looking forward to the future when he would call his people back to him.  This definitely shows God’s complete and whole love for his people, and that it is incredibly hurtful to him when his people fall away. This should also show us how complete and whole God’s love is for us, you and me. He wants to betroth you, yes you, wherever you are, in justice, love compassion, and faithfulness.  

Currently, it is Easter weekend.  This means the celebration of when Jesus died on the cross and then resurrected back to life.  God saw the world and saw all the evilness, sin, hurt, and weariness, and knew that he had to find a way to fix the situation. Jesus died on the cross for our sins because we could not make it to heaven without his death and resurrection.  Because we could not save ourselves, God found a different way to call us back to him. Easter is the ultimate weekend when God called his people back to him, but it is definitely not the most current example. God is constantly doing that with us in our own lives.  There are moments when we feel that we have lost the way to the Lord. There are moments of great sadness in our lives when we may feel as though we are not in God’s graces anymore. In all of those situations, God does indeed, have a plan.  

Take, for example, the entire world that is now having a problem in regard to COVID-19. There is a lot of fear and anxiety during this time.  We don’t know how long we will be in social distancing, how many lives COVID-19 will take before it is fully gone, how many jobs will be lost, what our economy will do after this, or if our medical health system will ever go back to normal.  These are very valid questions and concerns that people have. We have never in our lives experienced anything like this on such a global scale.  

However, the Lord is definitely using this time to gather people closer to him.  How do I know this? Because, where there are areas with high technology advances, churches, Bible studies, youth organizations, and multiple other groups are finding the best way to connect online.  Now, this may actually sound like the opposite of growing closer, because now people are not able to meet face to face but rather only through a computer screen. However, this has just reminded people that meeting together to talk about the Bible is such an important piece to their own lives.  We have discovered how that weekly session that at one time may have felt like another thing on our schedule, or another hour we could be resting is completely essential for our spiritual and mental health. I have seen more posts on Facebook in regard to faith, Christianity, and church meetings than I ever did before COVID-19.  That is something to celebrate. When we return to our normal church settings, a hope should be that we adore the time that we can spend with others in the church.  

This time has also, with our increased anxiety and fear, meant that people feel they need to rely on the Lord for their protection, solitude, comfort, and strength.  We realize more and more that the more plans we make, the more things we do aren’t going to happen without the will of the Lord. He is ultimately the one that will make the decisions and has his plan in COVID-19. For example, I had plans to finish out a normal first year of teaching. What I didn’t know at the beginning of the year was that he was going to teach me how to be incredibly flexible and learn to teach online.  We don’t know the plan, but we also, sadly, aren’t supposed to at this time. This blind trust and faith is the thing that will see us through. This time shows that we can’t have blind trust in our medical field, schools, or the stock market because they are not the ultimate thing that will keep the control.  

The world is experiencing a pandemic.  We are in a time of great sorrow, stress, heartache, and destruction.  I realize that I am incredibly blessed during this time, where I and my family have stayed healthy, I can work from home and still receive payments, as well as internet and entertainment.  I know that there are so many people who have lost jobs, lost paychecks, lost a place to live, and even family member’s lives due at least in part to this pandemic. However, God continues to have a plan.  At the end of this, we may experience the greatest joy. There may be more love for a neighbor because we realized how much we enjoyed meeting together. There may be more care for the elderly and immune compromised because we realize how vulnerable they can be.  There may be more joy walking into a job everyday because we missed doing our job and the co-workers around us.   

The world looks really, really, really dark right now, the darkest I have ever seen. However, this is not the first time the world has experienced darkness before. Back again to the first Easter Sunday, the people had just watched Jesus, the Savior of the world die on the cross.  For some, this was their best friend and someone they really connected with, die. For others, they were discouraged because they thought he was going to save them from destruction. (He was, but just in a different way, not in a way they were expecting). The world had two days where God was essentially dead.  The world was in a dark place, but then Jesus resurrected from the grave, moved the rock, and brought hope and joy to his people on Easter Sunday. We are living in a really long Black Friday, but I know that we have a beautiful Easter Sunday that is on the horizon.