Recently I have been impressed with the people in my life who are taking a risk doing different things in their lives.  I have noticed many of my friends who have opened businesses, created their own designs, and who have decided to start using their skills for others, etc.  I have known a lot of people who are stepping out of their own personal comfort zones.  They are taking risks, and even if they are doing something that they had never done before, they are willing to try.  I have definitely been inspired, and I wanted to make sure I took some time to write this blog post in order to share what I have been up to, what others in my life are doing, and to inspire many others to take risks and challenges in their own lives.  

Something that I have talked about recently is the risk that I took when I decided to start my blog.  I had been wanting to do it for a long time beforehand, but I didn’t think I would really have the ability or the time to start my own blog.  However, like I have said a million times before, I am so happy that I took that risk.  I have learned more about myself and my own personal thoughts as well as fallen more and more in love with writing.  I am so glad that I have taken this step, but there is a bigger leap that I have been thinking about making.  I really want to write my own book.  I have started a small draft, but I am still very much stuck in the beginning phases.  This is something that I am really afraid of.  I am afraid of putting myself out there.  What if it gets rejected?  What if people tell me I am not very good at writing at all.  However, I also was scared to death to start the blog, and now, I am almost a year and a half in writing a blog post once a week.  

I have also been really proud of some of the friends and the people in my life.  I have friends who have decided to start using their crafting abilities to make Etsy shops, others like me who are starting blogs, and those who have decided to become a health coach.  (I will have links at the bottom of my blog post in case anyone wants to do more looking at the pretty incredible things that my friends have been up to).  They were all people who decided to take a big risk.  My friend Gwen has decided to start a health journey.  She has lost quite a bit of weight, but also has gained more energy and a more positive perspective.  Because of that, she actually now has become a health coach to inspire others on their own personal health journeys.  My friend Casey has started to design and create clay earrings and even has made an etsy shop in order to sell those very earrings.  My friend Sheryl has started to design her own t-shirts and has also started to sell those.  

It is important to remember, Deuteronomy 31:6, which says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Although there may be some people who may make fun of what you do or what you are willing to try, it will not matter as long as you have the Lord that is by your side.  He will be willing to seek you through your new challenges.  In today’s day, that can be really extra difficult because we are always being seen by others. People are always evaluating and making comments on what others are up to, even through our different social media pages.  However, God has still not forsaken us, and he has promised not to forsake you.  It will not matter what anyone has to say if it brings you joy, makes the world a better place, and has been backed by the Lord.  

Is there something that you are really wanting to try, but you are finding yourself afraid to take that risk?   Have you taken some time to really think about whether or not this is something that you really want to try?  Have you taken any moments to pray about that thing you are afraid of? This does not have to be something that is really big right away either.  This can be something that can start off small.  Maybe, you will try to reach out to a neighbor that you haven’t talked to, or you will just try a different exercise even if you don’t know if it is something that you will like.  My first suggestion is to pray to the Lord.  The Lord will definitely help lead you in the direction that you need to go in regard to whatever it is you want to try.  

The Etsy shop link by my friend Casey: https://etsy.com/shop/apricityclay  The Instagram: @ApricityClay

Gwen Mathahs: Health coach-follow her on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gwen.mathahs

-T-shirt design made by my friend, Sheryl Davids. 

The armor of God is a subject that I have not really done a lot of research or thinking about before, but it is important to think about how one can defend themselves against the terrors of the world with Christian armor.  When a person is ready with the full armor of God, they are almost ready for anything that comes their way.  The armor of God description can be found in the Bible under Ephesians 6:10-18.  I absolutely love how well this is described in the Bible.  I love thinking about how we are called to be a part of God’s army.  We have a duty and a role given to use from the Lord, and that is why he wants us to be better equipped with the armor of God.  

First there is the belt of truth.  When I was a kid, I thought that this was more focused on that a person should be telling the truth as opposed to lies.  While I do think that is important to be a person who tells the truth is important, I know that this verse is also mainly talking about how one should know God’s truth, and that he is the one God who is the only way to eternal life.  Just like your belt is important in your outfit to hold everything together, the belt of truth will help keep everything together for you in regards to centering you back to Christ and reminding you of your overall purpose.  A similar body armor piece in this passage to the belt of truth is the helmet of salvation.  The helmet of salvation protects the head of your body with the knowledge of God’s love and grace in your life.  

The next piece is putting on the breastplate of righteousness.  When I talked about the Beatitudes in my blog posts, I talked about how being righteous is all about being morally upright or just.  Those who care about righteousness care about following the law, God’s just law and rules.  However, I think that we can often think about living with righteousness, and care about looking like we follow the rules as we go through the motions. However, making this part of the armor in the breastplate means that it is close to the heart.  This means that it should matter more that one is following the laws in their heart.  When one is following the rules and the expectations in their heart, that means that they actually have a desire to follow the law because that then creates a closer relationship with the Lord, not just because it makes them look more holy or righteous.  

For the feet, they are armed with a readiness that comes from peace.  The importance here is the readiness, a readiness to spread God’s peace.  There is a readiness that is given to believers to spread the Gospel to everyone in the world.  The feet need to have that readiness and that desire to tell everyone all over the world about the Gospel.  It can be very easy to look at our Christian journey as only a personal one.  Even through looking at the rest of the descriptions over the armor of God, most of it is about protecting our personal bodies.  We need to make sure that we first have the truth, and are acting righteous.  However, the Christian walk is not one that should be made alone.  There are many people in the world who do not yet know about Jesus and the love that he has for his people.  This is the second part of the Chrsitian walk is to tell others about the great love God has for his people and his whole creation.  

The next one is to take up the shield of faith.  A shield’s goal, like many of the pieces of armor, is to protect those from attacks of another person.  It is something that is held by the person and as the verse describes, “with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”  The shield is actively protecting the attacks and the problems that are coming their way.  This is very similar to what faith is like in real life.  It is more of an active protection role.  Faith is not always easy to keep alive.  It is not always easy to believe in the items and the things of the world that one can’t see, but that is exactly what is expected for those who are Christian and have faith in general.  

The last piece is the sword of the Spirit.  This is obviously the Holy Spirit and as the Bible points out, the Word of God.  This is another active piece of armor.  The Holy Spirit should actively fight against the evils of this world.  With the background knowledge and love of God, the sword of the spirit, similar to the feet of readiness, is a part of the armor of God to spread God’s love. As we were just looking at the shield of faith and how faith can get really exhausting, the sword of the word should be helpful with that. The sword of spirit or the word serves as a reminder that when one is struggling with their faith, they should look to God’s word as a continuous comfort.  

In this world, there is often a lot of talk of self-care and protecting ourselves.  The reason that this is talked about so much right now is because there are so many evil things in the world that a Christian needs protection from.  I believe that this armor of God is the perfect way to do this.  Remembering to honor God with how we act as well as protecting ourselves is the best self-care that we can possibly have.  This will then help us with the rest of our Christian journey, including the Christian journey of telling others about the Lord. 

In church this last week, we sang the song, “Holy Spirit,” by Francesca Battistelli.  While I have always enjoyed this song, it has never been my absolute favorite.  However, listening and singing in church this morning gave me a new and better perspective over this song.  This song has some pretty amazing lyrics, and those lyrics can almost be used like a prayer for how we should live and act in our lives.  This son also shows how we should view the Holy Spirit and the work/impact that it can have in our lives.  

One of the first lyrics that really struck me is “Holy, Spirit, you are welcome here.”  This is the main lyric which is a very good thing because these particular lyrics are very important and have a lot of wisdom.  The Holy Spirit is always inside of believers, but does that mean it is truly welcome all the time by the believer himself/herself?  If I am honest, I know that there are times that I just don’t want to listen to the Holy Spirit.  I would rather listen to my own voice and my own thoughts, which also may not be the most Christian or the most holy.  However, they are the ones that are on the brain at the moment.  Therefore, even though the Holy Spirit is there, that may not mean it is necessarily welcomed. Do you take the time to really pray over whether or not the Holy spirit is really welcome in your heart?  Do you believe that the Holy Spirit is truly welcomed in your heart all the time?

“Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.”  This also struck me.  I had always thought about the Holy Spirit as something that is a personal piece.  However, the Holy Spirit does have the ability to fill the glory of the whole world and everyone.  I don’t always spend time praying over others and to pray that there is protection and the coming of the Holy Spirit over others.  However, that is something that I also should spend more time doing.  We are always surrounded by people.  We see people at the place that we work, where we go to school, the store, etc.  We also often know that there are many people who are struggling, even including those who are spiritually struggling.  How often, then do we spend time praying to God over others to really have them feel as though they are filled with the Holy Spirit.  

Another lyric is “Your glory, God, is what our hearts long for.”  Do I really long for God’s glory all the time?  There are very many times when I may not fully be having God’s glory as the forefront of my brain.  I can often spend time thinking about getting glory for myself and only doing selfish things. This lyric reminds me that one of my biggest prayers should be working for God’s glory.  No matter what I am doing, if I am exercising, at work at the school or doing some volunteer work, I need to spend time thinking about God’s glory.  Similar to the verse that my blog is based on of Colossians 3:23, I need to do everything for God.  I often look at this song as a very long prayer.  This part of the prayer is remembering to ask the Lord to pray that I seek his glory in all things.  

Another line that pops out to me is, “I’ve tasted and seen, Of the sweetest of loves, Where my heart becomes free And my shame is undone.”  I really enjoy this lyric because it talks about how sweet God’s love is.  His love and kindness is so sweet that it also makes many people feel free, free even to love and show kindness to others.  His love is so great and sweet that it even can take away our shame.  Shame is something that I have been struggling with as I struggle through all of my different sins, including my anxiety.  I believe there are many of us who have become ashamed of ourselves in some ways, and that can be really hard to live with.  However, with God’s love, even though he is perfect, he is able to help clear away any anxiety that we may have.  

The last lyric that I want to highlight is the Bridge of the song, that says, “Let us become more aware of Your presence.  Let us experience the glory of Your goodness”  I love this prayer.  With the Holy Spirit, we can experience even more of the Lord’s presence.  The Holy Spirit is the only reason why we have the ability to experience God’s presence and therefore we are experiencing more of that sweet love and goodness.   I hope that I can remember to be aware of God’s presence.  I pray that I continue to become more aware, and I hope that I can pray for others to be more aware of the Holy Spirit that is always around us. 

Recently I was reading the book, “The Fight to Flourish” by Jennie Lusko.  There was a chapter where Jennie described how she was struggling and getting upset by her husband, Levi, when he wasn’t giving her everything that she needed in order to thrive.  However, through a night of reading Psalm 73, she realized that she had been depending on her husband as opposed to God to truly fill her in life.  Then came this quote that really struck me and showed me how I tend to view some of my own human relationships.  “I can’t expect my human relationships to be what only my relationship with God can be.” I often do expect my human relationships with people to be everything that I need, and I also can get upset when they aren’t able to give me that exact thing. I often call my mom (and by often, I mean everyday or a few times a day).  While I think that it is great to call my mom for advice, (she may not think so :)) however, when I have a problem such as in my teaching job, I should also look most importantly look to God in prayer.  I should ask for advice from others,  but ultimately find my advice, energy, patience, and care from the Lord.  

I will say that the quote continues with the next sentiment by saying, “God is all we need, yet we’re better and stronger because of the people He has put in our lives.  We just can’t let them take the place only reserved for the King.”  God has blessed us with our human relationships.  God has blessed us with fellow believers that will help us grow as people and become closer to God.  Iron does truly sharpen iron, just as believers need other believers. However, when we start to look to other people as a necessity, or when we start to depend on our relationship with God depending on how we look to others, then we are going too far in the one direction.  There is a fine line between using others to help us grow strong, iron sharpening iron, and depending on them.  

I believe the best way to remember to depend more on God than the people around us is to remember prayer.  I was often reminded of this when I was in youth groups growing up, of who is the first person that you go to when you have a problem.  Do you go to God in prayer and read the Bible while looking for the answers, or do you go to someone around you?  Again, this is where I will say that I often go to my mom or to the people around me.  God has blessed me with wonderful people in my life.  However, I don’t always go to God in prayer when I have problems.  I believe there is a part of me, as much as I don’t always admit, that really doesn’t believe that God can solve all of my problems.  There is, of course, the part of me that knows that God is all powerful, all knowing, all loving, but then I have moments when I don’t know if God can really solve my personal problems.  Either that, or there is a part of me that doesn’t want to give the problem to him because I may want to handle the situation in a sinful and selfish manner.  Sometimes, I may not feel ready to give up the problem to God because that may require me to move past my pain and handle the situation with prayer, grace, forgiveness, and love, when I may want to actually lash out in hate.  I don’t want to admit that, but it is a battle that we continually face. We all have our inner sinful desires we have to fight over.  It is just important that we really do remember to continually keep fighting them.  

Recently I have been struggling with my anxiety over being a speech coach as well as my teaching job.  I have been constantly questioning whether or not I am doing a good job.  I often over analyze every piece of my job and start to really criticize every choice, loss of impatience, or every assignment/punishment that I have to give out.  I often talk to my mom and other teachers about how I am feeling and am seeking advice.  However, the thing that has been really starting to make me feel better and less anxious has been going to the Lord in prayer.  Everyday that I go to school, I try to pray to God that I handle school situations to the best of my ability and in the most loving, Christ like manner, (even if that does yes include punishments). 

I have an example of how I tried to remember this recently.  Granted, this is not me being perfect, but I think it at least shows progress.  Most mornings,  I do my devotional before I go off to school.  While I was about to do my Bible study, I also decided I should maybe check my email.  I read one email and then I was instantly fuming angry.  I did decide to call my mom and vent to her/ask for advice (so yes I still went to her first).  However, since I was still planning on doing my devotional, I spent some of my prayer and journal time discussing my anger and asking for God to help me calm down.  (See, work in progress!)  I learned to go to the Lord when I was upset, and I needed help to calm down and be with me to make the smartest choice moving forward.   (I also learned that one shouldn’t maybe check emails before doing a devotional.  It might distract you from your Jesus time).  The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful relationship with my mother, but she also can’t be my everything and the only one that I go to.  I need to make sure that I am depending on the Lord first and foremost.  

The Lord is so good that he doesn’t want us to be alone, and he wants us to have great relationships.  However, like in all things, there is too much of one good thing, except for the Lord, he is the only thing that we can have too much of.  I personally am going to try to make sure that I look to the Lord first in prayer before then I call my mom or talk to anyone else.  I also am going to challenge the same of you.  Maybe take some time thinking about who you defend on besides the Lord, and then take some steps to realize why you seek that person out before the Lord. 

This past year I was the head speech coach at the school that I teach at.  This was the first time that I have ever been a coach, and I will not lie when I say that it has probably been one of the most stressful experiences of my life.  While I love speech, I learned that being a coach, especially at a small school where students are involved in many other things, creates many challenges.  However, even though I would chop this up as a very stressful experience, there were so many things that brought me a great deal of joy, even if I didn’t quite realize that at the time. I learned, once again, that even though this was a stressful experience, God can teach you some amazing life lessons.  

The first positive is that I have been given the chance to learn how to be a coach.  I have had many leadership roles throughout my life.  However, one thing I have never had the chance to be was a coach.  I absolutely loved speech when I was in high school and now I had the opportunity to coach students in something that I really love.  I was able to take a script and put together a Reader’s Theatre role which is traditionally where people read on stools or chairs and then use their voices, expressions, and some very small movement to tell the story on the scripts.  You need to use scripts because it should not be memorized.  This isn’t a play, but it should have moments of being a play and or being like a choral reading.  I love Reader’s Theatre, and it was fun to have my speech students reading it out and thinking of ideas that they should add when they are reading the script.  

The second positive is that I really learned how to problem solve in a very quick manner.  There were many, many things that popped up during this speech season that was not ideal, to say the least.  First, of course, was finding time to practice.  There were many students who were also a part of basketball and a few that were involved in cheerleading or had a job.  Therefore, I had to find a time where a majority of students could make it a few days a week.  Then there was the problem of having students coming to practices.  Because I chose some practices at 7:30 a.m., there were many students who just did not get up on time for practices.  There were a few other problems such as people deciding they needed to quit or were gone for a long time in quarantine that I actually had to change a part to only being a one person role as opposed to a two person role before performances.  There was someone who found out they had to be gone for the first contest, so I had to find someone to fill in at the last minute (being the day before).  Basically, this was not a smooth ride, but I learned how to take a problem and fix it quickly.  Often in the past when problems arose that I didn’t know how to fix, I would have a break down moment and not touch the problem till later and therefore waiting on the problem solving process.  I didn’t have that option here, so I am hoping that will teach me to handle problems at a quicker pace in the future.  

The third positive is that I was able to spend some time with students.  The reason that I became a teacher was so that way I could grow relationships with students and hopefully make them feel accepted and loved to then help them grow to be the best person that they can possibly be.  There were many times whether it be at practice, on the suburban ride on the way up to the competition, or lastly at the competition itself, when I was able to have some great conversations with students.  Some were asking for advice and telling me about the big things in life, but many others were just little conversations like prom dates, hair, makeup, basketball, volleyball, stories from childhood, etc.  There were also sometimes when we were able to just laugh.  There are not enough times in the school day to just spend in laughter with my students, and I am happy that I had some of those moments during this speech season. 

To go along with the third positive, I got the chance to work with students who may not have usually done something like speech before.  There were a few students who chose to be a part of speech this year who had never done anything like speech before.  They were not usually a person who was a part of plays or would always be the person who is known for standing out and talking in class.  However, I got the chance to watch them grow to be a person to speak in front of others.  Being able to speak in front of others and communicate well is definitely a life skill that many students should be taught, and I am so proud of the students who were willing to try and learn that life skill.  

In conclusion, while I will still say that this is one of the most stressful situations I have ever had, I am learning to look at these hard situations or hard moments and still finding the joy in it.  It turns out while I was looking at being a speech coach as being an incredibly challenging and anxiety filled experience, there were many joyous moments that were happening the entire time.  I am now set to do individual speech, and I am going to try to remember that even though that also may be stressful, I will continue to look for the joyous and wonderful moments. 

In the year of 2020, I decided to start writing a blog, and wow, what a year 2020 has been.  Obviously, that is something that everyone is talking about, and there were many who just wanted the year of 2020 to end and 2021 to begin.  There is a hope that everything else will start to fall into place with the beginning of this new year.  Therefore this blog was such a great blessing to have around in a year like the one we just experienced.  When everything seemed to be falling apart, I had a new passion of writing to continue to work on and develop. Not only was it something that brought me a lot of joy, but I think the idea of writing, whether it be a blog, journal, letters, or prayer can have great benefits for anyone- even if you have not ever seen yourself as a person who writes or who ever wants to write.  

Words have wonderful power.  They can stream together thoughts that are in our brains, so that way others can understand them.  Another person could digest the thoughts that you were also thinking by just simply hearing them spoken or reading them on paper.  The Bible even talks about the importance of words including Proverbs 16:24, which says “Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.”  I was also recently reading this book called, “The Fight to Flourish,” by Jennie Lusko that points out that God also really loves words.  “God loves words so much that he filled a book with them.”  Those words are filled with such wisdom that can be life-changing to the person who reads and meditates on them.  Great words do have a great power to impact not only the person who spoke/wrote them but also the ones that are hearing/reading them. Granted, that can be for a positive or a negative, so it is always important that we learn how to use that power in a very positive way. 

Another thing about writing that makes it incredibly important is that writing is a communication skill, and the skill of communication is incredibly important for any job or career that one can have in the future.  I know that even in my job as a teacher, it is incredibly important that I have good writing skills while writing my emails, or writing in my directions for every assignment/activity that students are participating in class.  This way my students, parents, co-workers, etc. have a complete understanding of what is happening in my class.  I have definitely created an assignment where the directions were not clear, and it ended up being such a distraction from the learning environment in the classroom because I had to try to re-explain what I was looking for.  (Granted, there are times I make really clear instructions and the students don’t read them anyway, but that is a conversation for another day. : ))No matter what job, leadership role, or volunteer position a person may have, they will need to communicate to achieve the job.  

There are times that I have to work through my writer’s block.  We all have to work through hardships or struggles in anything we do, and that can even go for me in my writing.  Even now as I was writing this blog post, there were times that I just got stuck, and all I wanted to do was put away my blog for the foreseeable future.  I had to dig deep to think about what I really wanted to say and then write down those items on paper.  However, I have found that even though I absolutely hate trying to write when I have a writer’s block, I also have felt that when I can push through, I can discover even more about the passage I am looking at, or I can make more connections that I would never have made otherwise.  Plus, learning how to work through problems no matter the situation, even in something as simple as writing a blog, teaches us to persevere in any problems in the future.  

Every day I set up a healthy habit of writing, whether this be in my journal or it is more thoughts for the blog posts.  This gives me a chance to digest and reflect on my thoughts that are running around in my head.  This gives me a chance to read a Bible passage and try to understand more and more of it.  This has helped me dive deeper into how I feel about a verse and has helped me make connections between one verse to the other.  There have been some studies that have found that once you write for about ten minutes every day, you can actually feel less burdened by your thoughts.  I have experienced this feeling of becoming unburdened recently when I spent a bit of time writing down how exactly my anxiety made me feel. This was a great time to get my thoughts out and find ways to express my thoughts on paper.  I didn’t even make all the connections in my brain before I started to write, but taking the time to get out any thoughts helped me understand even more about myself and my anxiety. If you ever feel as though you have too many thoughts that are swirling around in your brain, maybe try writing on a piece of paper for about ten minutes, and then you can see what your thoughts were trying to tell you.

My challenge for most of you is to take one day and write for ten minutes. Get out of a piece of paper, set a timer, and just see where your thoughts take you. I know that many of you may not enjoy writing. (In fact, I know that my mother who is most likely going to read this doesn’t like to write.) However, I think that just taking a few minutes this week to write down what you are feeling to give you a chance to analyze, make connections, and help you develop will be very impactful for your future. Some questions that I think could be a good place to start, are the following, “What brings you joy?”  or “What is God teaching you right now?”  I hope that developing a bit of the healthy habit of writing, can make you feel less burdened by your own thoughts and can make you incredibly joyful. 

If you have been in the church for a long time, there are a lot of names that are given to Jesus.  He is a Savior, Redeemer, son of God, Holy, Mighty, Righteous, and many more.  All of these words are wonderful and they all encapsulate the greatness of the Lord.   However, while I do believe that all these words are amazing and do very well describe God in a very holy way, it also can sometimes make it seem like he is a distant figure.  He is a God, so he is definitely Holy, Mighty, Perfect, something that we are not, but he is also supposed to have a relationship with the very people that he has created. I think that while knowing that God is all these things is right and good, it can make it hard to feel as though we can really get close to him.  

Recently I was listening to the song by Unspoken called, “You’ve always been,” and I realized that there are even more words to describe Jesus that I hardly ever think of using.  The chorus song says, “You’ve been my Savior, Sustainer, when I’m at my end; My Healer, Redeemer, again and again; My Mother and my Father, Brother, Sister, and Friend; Everything I’ve needed Lord, You’ve always been.”  I had never thought about describing God as family members, but it is very true that when we are without any particular family members, God can take the place as that particular family member.  While God is the perfect Savior and the perfect Judge, he also can be something that is very close and very loving.  God did not create humans to have these perfect little robots, (if he did, then he would have made it so we are completely perfect), but instead God wanted to create humans to have a relationship with.  

During this time this year of losing two of my family members and a pet, I have needed to have many friends more than anything else.  I have had so many friends be good people to me over the past few months.  I have received some great gifts and some kind words from friends when I have been struggling.  I have also had friends who have just been willing to come, spend time, and listen to me while I cry my eyes out.  Isn’t it fabulous that I also have a wonderful friend in the Lord during this time.  I realized that through this time, I need to look at the Lord as a being that is there for me continuously such as a friend would be.  I can still see God as a Holy and Mighty figure, but I also can see him as someone who is by my side and loving me.    

This, also overall reminds me how important it is to be a good friend.  I think we can often forget how important friends are or how important it is to be a good one.  This, I believe can be especially true as people get older.  God also values the relationship and power of friendship.  Proverbs 17:17 says, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.”  A friend which can be the brother and sister that you choose for yourself and someone may have chosen you as a friend.  When you are chosen to be a friend, you are basically being chosen to love that person for the rest of your life and to be there for them in the times of intense pain and the times of tremendous joy.  It is not an easy task, but it is worthy of the work that it requires.  

The last reflection piece I want you reading this to think about is, “What do you need the Lord to be for you right now?”  What exactly do you need from God?  I think there are many times that we can look at the Lord as a very distant figure and therefore we don’t end up feeling close or loved by him.  However, that is not what he is supposed to feel to us.  He is supposed to be and feel incredibly close.  This is precisely why God is often called, Holy Father.  Father-an intimate and loving figure in many lives.  (Granted, that isn’t true for everyone, but he is supposed to serve as the perfect example).  Do you need God to feel less like a Judge and a distant Holy God to more of an intimate figure? Really take the time to think about what you need the most and what God needs to be to you. 

Rhonda is one of the best aunts in the entire world.  She was always one of the most compassionate and kind people.  Finding out that Rhonda was diagnosed with cancer hurt my heart tremendously.  She was and is such a kind and loving human who shouldn’t have to suffer the pain and the sickness that followed the months after. It hurts my heart that today my precious aunt went up to heaven.  She will be missed by many, including myself.  I know that you promised my mom that you would say hello to my grandpa and Kaiser dog, so I do really hope that you do get the chance.  I also know that you have your father that you can talk to. It will at least make me happy to know some of my family is all together.  

Growing up, Rhonda was my girlie girl aunt. On my Dad’s side of the family, I was always called, “the princess,” especially as a kid.  I was the one who wanted to get into dresses, pretend to be a princess, get nails done, have long hair, etc.  Sometimes I didn’t like being called, “the princess” when I was a kid because it would hurt my feelings.  It would make me feel different than everyone else in my family.  However, Rhonda liked those things as well, so she made me feel a bit more accepted.  She loved to wear jeans with a bunch of jewels on them.  She would get her nails done every few weeks and always was getting her hair done.  I had someone who understands loving and appreciating the extra girly things in life.  

There were a few life lessons that I learned from knowing Rhonda that I want to adapt in my life more and more.  The first one is taking time to spend with those you love.  Rhonda was very good about spending time with those she loved.  She cared and valued relationships, whether it be with her family, her friends, or those that she worked with at Hope Haven.  I know that as her niece, my absolute favorite day with Rhonda was when she took me out to the spa in Spencer.  Rhonda loved to get her nails done as I have mentioned before.  I hardly ever saw her without her fingernails or toenails done, so she took me out to get my very first pedicure.  It was awesome, and I loved it.  I never knew that getting your toenails done could be so relaxing and comforting.  Then she also took me out to lunch at Chinese.  She knew to take that time with me would mean the world to me.  She also is incredibly good about doing that when she would go to wrestling tournaments with my dad and cousin Clint just because both of them liked to watch wrestling.  She wasn’t necessarily watching anyone in particular, it was a chance to be with my dad and Clint and just watching a sport. It is important to take time to spend with those you love and to pay attention to the things even that they enjoy.  

Rhonda was also always so good about coming to support me.  She loved to go to my different events when she could.  I know that she made some concerts of mine, volleyball games, dance recitals, and, of course my high school and college graduations.  She was so happy to get the chance to watch me in different events.  I also know that she loved doing that with her son, Clint as well.  A person always needs someone who is willing to be supportive and loving to have their back.  This is something that I am going to continue to remember the rest of my life.  I have learned that I really love to support my students, friends, and family in my life mostly because I have been shown such great support in my life through people like my aunt Rhonda.  

Rhonda was also very caring.  She cared about others.  She worked at a disability service called Hope Haven, where she showed how much she cared about others all the time.  On Thanksgiving Day, we made sure to spend some time with Rhonda for her last Thanksgiving.   Even though she was the one who was very sick with cancer, she was just as loving as she always has been.  I was taking a nap on Thanksgiving day in the recliner after lunch.  I was halfway asleep and halfway awake when she put a blanket on me in order that I would stay warm.  She was showing me love and care for me even when she should have been the one getting cared for.  She didn’t want all the glory and the love for herself, but instead she wanted to make sure that she is taking care of others in her family.

Thanks for being an amazing aunt Rhonda.  I will try to remember to always be as supportive as you, and to value relationships as much as you did.  I hope that I can always remember to be as caring and as loving.  Again, God blessed me with the world’s most wonderful aunt and even though I am sad that she is gone, I have at least the best memories from her. 

Recently I have been reading the book by Lysa Terkeurst called, “ Forgiving what you can’t forget.”  While this book definitely talks about forgiveness and how we need to forgive those who have wronged us, it also goes into how we can best heal from the pain the person has put upon us.  Because if we are honest, often the reason that we don’t forgive someone is because they have hurt us very deeply, and we can’t seem to get over that hurt. They may even bring up some pieces that we don’t like about ourselves or the pieces that we are insecure over or the general fears and anxiety/trust issues that we have from our pasts.  If we can’t heal ourselves, then we won’t be able to fully forgive the other person, and vice verses.  We won’t really be able to fully heal from past or current pain by not forgiving those who have hurt us, even if they never apologize or acknowledge how they had hurt us.  This then will make it harder for us to fully move on and become more joyful happy beings.  

There was a quote that came up in this book that said, “We can’t expect another person to carry the burden of making us feel better about who we are.  They may need to do a better job at loving us… but that’s their journey to take if they are willing.”  This really hit me.  Lately I have been struggling with insecurity and anxiety, specifically at my job as a teacher and as a speech coach.  I often feel as though I am not doing a good job.  Then if I have also been hearing the complaints and groans of students not doing a good job or not liking what they are learning about has been a bit hard to take during this last month.  (We were all like that in high school at times, weren’t we).  Therefore there is a good portion of me that is waiting and hoping for someone to give me a compliment and make me feel better about myself.  However, as this quote showed me, while that would be nice and it would be encouragement, inherently it should not be anyone else’s job to show love to me in order to make me feel better.  

If I am going to be completely honest and vulnerable like I was hoping that I would do with this blog from the beginning. When I started to get my anxiety really bad, I was also starting to hear some voices in my head.  You know the ones that tell you so many negative things about yourself, even if you have never had anxiety, most of us have heard those voices that tell you aren’t good enough, that you are not worthy of love, and that you are not enough.  These are the voices that give us a great amount of self-doubt and make us insecure.  If you have never had any of those voices or thoughts or have any idea what I am talking about, please consider that to be one entirely great blessing that you possess.  However, somewhere along the way, I really started to believe those lies that were being spoken in my head.  I am so afraid of getting into trouble for doing something wrong, because I believe that everything that I do is inherently wrong.   I started to believe that I am always the one that is evil.  This being the way that it is makes it really hard to find joy in all situations, (one of the reasons that I knew I needed to pick the word joy as my word of the year for 2021).  The more that I am believing these lies, the more and more I start to get more stressed, have anxiety, frustration, and ultimately have less joy.  

Satan is a very crafty and evil serpent.  He had a terrible idea that besides just fighting people with wars, fights, death, lies, and physical pain, he will also attack us in the one place where we should feel the most secure—our own bodies and minds.  Have you really contemplated that thought?  When struggling with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health issue, it is really your own mind fighting against you.  It isn’t someone else.  It isn’t someone else talking to you or any other voice in your head, but rather it is voices that are constructed from your own brain. Granted, there are times when other people don’t help out the situation, but at the end of the day, the mental battle here is more on a personal level.  The devil, that sneaky devil, knew how to use our wonderfully God given creation of our mind and brains to hurt us. 

There are many times that I believe there needs to be other people who should make my life easier by giving me a lot of compliments and making me feel better about myself.  However, that is really not their job.  It is my job to find love and joy in myself.  This, of course, is with the help of the Lord.   I can’t expect others to help me love myself if I am not willing to put into the work as well.  While it is nice to be encouraged and supported by others, and I do believe that this can have an impact on a person, it is very important that we don’t start to fully depend on others.  

At the end of the day, we are not responsible for anyone else’s responsibilities.  We are only ever responsible for our reactions or our actions.  We need to always be willing to love others even when they are not the ones who are showcasing how to love in the best way.  We also can’t as easily do that when we are really against the personal self.  I have noticed that when I am upset with myself, anxious or stressed about something that I am involved in, it is a lot harder to love the others that are around me.  With the Lord’s help it is my job to forgive myself from the mistakes that I make and the sins that I commit, love myself the way that he made me, and finally be able to grow as a person and love others.  I hope that if you are another person that has been struggling with mental health, hurt from others, or just simply loving or forgiving yourself, that you will be reminded that you are valuable, cared for, and loved by a Father above who also wants you to love him and yourself in order to better thrive in this world.  He does not want you to have this pain from anxiety or the voices in your head.  I am hoping and praying for you to find that joy and love, as I am hoping for that myself as well.  

Recently I have been driving in fog.  I don’t love driving in fog.  I suppose that not many people do.  However, while I was driving home, at about the halfway point of driving, the fog was lifted.  It was a very beautiful sight.  It was like the world was cleared.  The sun looked so beautiful.  It was most definitely just double as beautiful because it had been so ugly and cloudy outside a little bit before.  This really gave me a great perspective to the beautiful sight and the beautiful world that is around me.  

Then the day after, I went to church (on a cloudy morning as well) where we sang one of my favorite hymns, “Be thou my vision.”  I made a bit of a connection while listening to this song.  I realized that the song was discussing how God should be our vision.  He should be the one helping us see the things that are pure and holy in the world.  Just like my vision was cleared from the ugly fog, the Lord wants to clear my vision from the ugly things of this world. The lyrics will say, “still be my vision, oh ruler of all.”  He is the one that is ruler of the whole world.  He is the one who is in control of everything, so he can see everything clearly and he wants us to be similar.  This is a prayer that we keep the Lord as our main set of eyes for our entire life.  

There are so many lyrics in this hymn that provide a great deal of wisdom.  Including, two lyrics back to back of, “waking or sleeping, my presence, my light;” and then “Be thou my wisdom, and thou my true word.”  The Bible should be the light that guides our steps or light to our path.  There is even a verse in scripture that says, “Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.” We should really ever only look for one book for advice in our life, and that is the Holy Bible. There are many times that we can look to other people’s advice, other worldly books, and many multiple other things to have the best life, but at the end of the day they will not provide the same wisdom to us as the Bible can.  Not to say that other books and other advice can’t be helpful, but they only can when they are based out of the Holy book, not based on the things or the wisdom of the world. The things of the world will not be a sufficient lamp for our feet as one day they will fade and grow dark like all other things of this world.  

Another lyric is, “I ever with thee and thou with me, Lord; Thou in me dwelling and I with thee one.”  Once we have become a Christian, the Lord is always with us.  We have a part of the Lord in us and that is the Holy Spirit.  This should be a constant great comfort and joy from the anxiety and evil that comes from the world because we are one with the Lord.  We know that we have a part of the world beyond inside of us no matter what time it is and no matter where we go.  Listening to the Holy Spirit also reminds us to make wiser choices.  When we lean into what the Lord tells us, we can grow more patient, more compassionate, more joyful, and more loving.  This is really only going to happen with the Lord and the Holy Spirit (who are one and the same) guiding us.  

The song also has the lyrics of “thou and thou only first in my heart.”  This is my favorite lyric in the hymn.  This is a reminder that when God is first in our hearts, being able to see clearly is significantly easier.   This comes right after the lyrics in the same stanza of “Riches I heed not, nor vain, empty praise.” There are many times we can start to look at almost everything else as the first in our hearts.   This may be a significant other, jobs, sports, clothes, cars, and riches.  That is when our vision can easily get cloudy.  I often do this with my job.  I love my job as a teacher,  and I dedicate a lot of time to it.  However, I can also so easily get wrapped up in my job, I also start getting a lot of anxiety that I am doing my job incorrectly and that I am really not serving my students correctly.  I may even be seeking that vain and empty praise from doing my job the best. When I start to focus more on the Lord, then I am seeing clearly and letting go of the pieces of my anxiety and look to the Lord to do my job to the best of my ability to serve him and the people around me.    

God wants to make everything clear in our lives like it was when the fog cleared on that sunny afternoon.  He wants us to be able to see completely clearly.  The next set of lyrics says, “High King of heaven, my victory won; May I reach heaven’s joys, O bright heaven’s sun.”  This song is also looking to the future when we reach heaven and get to spend our eternity with the Lord.  This will end up being our final victory.  This then will be the clearest and the most sunny place in our entire world.  When one focuses on the clear items of the world, and keeps our focus on God as first in our hearts, we are rewarded with the ultimate victory of heaven and being able to see clearly for the rest of our lives. 

There are many times that I don’t always pay attention to the simple things in the world around me.  I don’t always pay attention to the beauty of the nature around me, even though there is so much happiness and realization that can come with it.  I also don’t always pay attention to the lyrics in the Christian songs or hymns that I sing or listen to, even though they provide such great wisdom, joy and thankfulness.  There is a lot that we can learn from the music that we chose to listen to.  There are times that I don’t listen to the music that I should, and hearing this song was a reminder that I need to spend more time in devotion to the Lord through the worship and songs that I seek.