My pastor was giving a sermon this last Sunday while we were going through the book of Psalms.  The chapter that we were reading this week was Psalm 15.    He walked us through the whole chapter.  And while this chapter includes a long list of things that we as Christians should do, these things are done really only by a person who has a heart to know and love God.  This will not come from a heart that only has a desire to follow rules and regulations.  

“Our assignment is not fruitfulness, but faithfulness.  The secret to fruit bearing and anxiety free living is less about doing and more about abiding.” This was written by Max Lucado in “Anxious for Nothing” This quote really struck me.  I think there are times that we spend a great deal of time thinking about how to best grow our own fruit.  These spiritual gifts are the gifts that help us grow closer to God, so they are extremely important. However, this quote also shows us that our main job is to be faithful to God.  We need to be willing to abide and remain in the Lord, and the Lord will be the one that will ultimately develop in us the main fruits of the spirit.  This will help us a lot in the long run.  This will be a reminder that we have a worker that is always on our side.  

It can be so easy to get wrapped up in just wanting to grow out our own fruit.  With just sheer willpower, I can create a heart of joy and peace at all times.  With just a little bit more thought I will be filled with love and self-control.  With just a bit more breathing, I will be continually patient.  How many of us have tried this technique?  How many of us have tried to force this out and not succeeded? How many times have we gotten worn out or maybe filled with shame and guilt at not being able to complete what we wanted to?  I know that I have felt this many times.  I am always trying to grow in my patience, but I have discovered more and more that this is something that I need to continue to pray to God about. 

This also reminds me of a bigger discussion of legalism.  The theological definition of legalism is, “dependence on moral law rather than on personal religious faith.” This is essentially trying to follow the rules of the Christian faith so well that you are then blameless.  However, It is easy to start to care more about this than really having a deep relationship with God.  It can be easy to start looking at the rules in the Bible and the expectations we feel good Christians need to follow.  Some examples of this is always remembering to speak the right way, praying before eating, reading the Bible daily, and going to church every Sunday.  Yes, these are all good things and help us all become better Christians, but if there is no heart behind it to really grow that relationship with God, then it is just going to end up being a long list that we can’t live up to.  

There are moments that I am reminded of why I am a Christian in the first place.  There are moments when I am reminded of how much I love Jesus.  I love him for all of the love that he has given me and I am so grateful for his love.  I am so filled with joy when God reminds me that he loves me so much, so much that he would even be willing to give his son to die on the cross.   There are times that we can perceive our Christianity as something incredibly difficult and hard.  We may feel as though there are many rules and regulations that a good Christian has to live by.   This is the idea of legalism.  The idea that we need to follow certain rules to achieve God’s love is also not the Gospel.  The whole point of the Gospel is that we don’t have to work for our salvation, nor could we be able to work for it.  We would not be good enough ever.  This is why God died for us in order to save us.  

This world has become at times incredibly complicated.  It seems as though people are always busy and are running around from thing to thing.  There is alway something to be worried about, or to be working on.  This has led to a lot of hurt, stress, anxiety, and depression in many people. The old saying is that people need to take the time to smell the roses.  This is taking time to appreciate the small things and enjoy life as opposed to just rushing around with barely any time to embrace it.  However, I think as the world has gotten more technology advanced, and as we have more jobs and leadership opportunities, we never hardly take the time to smell the roses.  

What many people have discovered throughout this time of social distancing is that simple things easily make someone incredibly happy. I was recently thinking about this again while I was watching my neighborhood kids in the trailer park climb my apple tree to pick apples. They pick my small green apples in order to bring them to their mom who uses it to make a “spicy sauce” (in their words). At first, this was a scary thing for me to watch as I was afraid they would fall off the shed and/or the tree. (To be fair, there are sometimes that I still am), but they find so much joy in picking their apples. And, really it makes me happy that they are outside being active and hanging out with their friends as opposed to just being on their phone or laptops.

I am so happy and filled with joy about things like watching the kids pick apples.  I also have found that looking at sunflowers, playing with my dogs, and a bike ride by the lake are just the most precious things.  Those may be what people consider simple things.  This isn’t anything with major technology.  This isn’t something that is considered to be the new and greatest thing, but it is something that can still reap a lot of joy.  

When I was in college I was challenged to write down five things that I was grateful for everyday in my grateful journal.  This has given me more opportunity to look for something different to be thankful for every day.  I want to always try to find something new, so that means I need to look for different things as opposed to just going with the five things that I always say, everyday.  This has ultimately resulted in me looking around smiling and being thankful, creating a more positive outlook in myself.  

Finding joy and thankfulness in all things including the simple things is also in the Bible in 1 Timothy 4:4-5.   These verses say,  “For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated by the word of God and prayer.”  God did take the time to create the simple interactions, the apples in the trees, the glistening light off the lake, and the sunflower.  Therefore, these are things that can be received with great gladness.  

I am not 100% great at this at all times, however.  I still struggle at times, especially when I am really impatient.  I don’t like when things don’t work.  I love my laptop and technology, but I hate when it decides to not do the things that I want it to do.  There are many times that I take for granted the small things and the simple things.  In fact, I can get more mad at them.  I am definitely not the best at taking my time.  Even while running, I usually try to make sure I do it as fast as I can and I make sure to have my music, and so it almost seems as though I am not spending time taking in the sights. I love to go golfing, but I don’t enjoy taking my time.  I get really upset if I am behind people who are, and I have to end up waiting for them.  These are things that I have tried to work on, but I definitely still need practice.  

What are the simple things in your life?  What are the simple things that bring you great joy and happiness?  What are the things in nature that you find are just beautiful?  What is the simple activity that makes you smile?  Technology and big shiny things are great to have in this world.  I love my laptop! It is the only way that I have been able to have this blog! However, there are times that I feel as though I can’t live my life without this or Wifi, or my cell phone. While again, we should totally be grateful for those items as well, what are the simple and wonderful things that we also need to be grateful for? Take some time today to really think about those wonderfully simple things that bring you joy!

The Bible is an amazing thing.  I have read through the Bible twice in my life, but there are still so many verses that take me by surprise because I just either didn’t know they existed, or I completely forgot about them.  One of those verses is Psalm 94:18 in the New American Standard Bible, which says; “If I should say, “My foot has slipped,” Your lovingkindness, O LORD, will hold me up.” This verse stuck out to me because of it’s encouragement and comfort it brings to God’s followers.  God wants to keep us standing up and wants to keep us going.  

I feel as though there are many people who are suffering and struggling during this time.  I know that the pandemic has made a lot of things incredibly difficult for a lot of people.  There have been some deaths, lost jobs, lost health, increase in anxiety, and multiple other problems associated with the pandemic.  I know that I personally have had to be present for many different people during this time. I have also suffered an increase in anxiety that has led me to go back to my medication.  The point being, the world is a MESS.  We are struggling, and many feet have slipped.  

However, the world is continuing and therefore we need to as well. The good news is that we have help and life in the Lord.  I do believe that because of these times and struggles, it does remind us to go to the God who loves us and wants to help us from falling.  If a person is falling, then they aren’t easily able to save themselves.  It also is very hard for another person to always be there for them when it is needed.  Therefore it is so much better to have a God who can catch you when you feel as though you are falling.  God is omnipresent which means that he is always present and he is also omnipotent which means that he has unlimited power.  

This psalmist verse reminds me in many ways of a verse that comes later in Matthew,  Matthew 11:28-30 to be exact.  This was a message from Jesus to his followers that really applies to us in our present stage of life.  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  

The message in these passages are clear.  God doesn’t want us to suffer.  He doesn’t want us to hold on to all of the problems or the bad things in our lives.  He wants us to put those problems upon himself.  Yet it seems that it is very easy for us to do this.  Maybe this is because we want to feel as though we have somewhat control over our problems and that we can fix whatever problem is going on.  We might feel as though we know best when it comes to our problems.  

However, It is important to remember that God is completely sovereign.  God knows more about our problems than even we do.  God knows what is the best course of action that should be done in order to fix the situation.  God can be the best listener and the best person to care.  Therefore it will actually help our anxiety and our concerns to give up that control.  It is incredibly hard, but it is the thing that can make our lives so much easier and happier.  I struggle with this.  I feel as though, myself, a 25 year old second, year teacher knows more than the God of the universe does.  Sounds pretty crazy when you think about it like that.  

Then there are also sometimes when I believe we as Jesus followers actually believe that God doesn’t have time for us.  There are billions of people in the world.  There is a lot of pain, a lot of problems, that why would it seem God would care about us.  Why would he care about my problem?  I have definitely felt this way.  I have been afraid of really reaching out to God because I don’t feel as though my problems are valid enough to pray over.  I feel as though God does not have time for my small problems. I can only go to him when I have a big problem to solve.  

However, God does love you completely.  God hears all of your problems.  God is not like a person where he can get overloaded.  He can handle all problems with joy and gladness. He doesn’t need you to have a huge problem.  You do not have to just go to him when you have a problem, but you can go to him at any time.  During this time of uncertainty, during this time when you may feel your foot is slipping, and during the time when you feel as though you are firmly planted, know that God’s loving kindness will continue to hold you up.  

Recently I went to softball and baseball games for my high school students.  It had been a long time since I had seen my students play their sports and do their activities.  I realized that this is something that I had greatly missed from before social distancing and Quarantine.  I realized that one thing that gives me a great amount of joy and happiness is getting the chance to watch, and therefore, support my students.  

This made me realize the importance of supporting and encouraging the people that I love in life.  There are many benefits to choosing to be supportive and encouraging of the people around.  We never know how much it could mean to someone when we are there to support or encourage someone else.  The verse that sticks out to me the most when discussing supporting and encouraging one another is Philippians 2:4, “Not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of others.”  This reminds me that when we do things, make decisions, or work on anything, we need to think about how to best help and serve others, not just solely ourselves.  

I am not the biggest sports fan.  I like them a lot, and I do like going to the events.  However, basketball, football, baseball are not my all time favorite things.  But these are my student’s favorite things and because they are their favorite things, I want to show my support to them in the activities that they love.  I then am not looking to my own interests but the interests of others. 

I can remember what this was like when I was a student.  When I was in college, I was a part of the women’s chorus on campus.  I remember that it would mean so much to me when people would come to watch me in my concerts.  The two of my closest professors watched me in one concert, and it was the concert I had a solo in.  It was so exciting to share that part of myself with the best teachers I had at the time.  I felt supported.

I can think of just one example of when one student asked me to go to a show happening at the school.  I didn’t think that I would be able to make it because I had Bible Study that evening.  However, I decided not to go to Bible Study in order to make it to the show that would only happen once a year.  I figured it was a one time deal, and I had better make sure that I get to the show.  It was a great variety show, and I got to see my students perform acts that they had worked so hard on.  When the student saw me when the show was over, his whole face lit up.  He was really excited that I was there, and I had seen his solos.  I also know that he did tell his directors that he was so very happy that I was there.  I was very honored to be a supporter and someone that could be there for him.  At the time I had to spend some time thinking about his interests as opposed to just what I had wanted to do.  

Encouraging is very similar to supporting but it is also making sure that those who you are supporting are mentally and emotionally being taken care of.   There are times that people need more than support.  There are times that encouragement needs to be given to make people feel as though they can keep going.  Life can be really hard and stressful, and it often feels as though there is only negativity.  It is very important to try to show people the opposite with positivity and kindness.  This is another Godly thing that we can do as there is a verse all about encouraging one another.  This is 1 Thessalonians 5:11,“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”

It can be hard sometimes to encourage one another.  It is a very simple thing to do, to notice a characteristic in someone and to bring it out or to say that they are doing a good job in order for them to keep up the good spirits and continue on.  Yet it seems that we are always too busy doing our own thing that we forget to really notice someone else’s work. 

In conclusion, love does not need to be a complicated thing at all. It can be done by simply supporting someone in what they do or by showing encouragement.  This can go a long way.  It doesn’t always need to be a grand gesture or a self-sacrificing action.  It can also be a kind word or comment.  Half of this love is showing up and being there.  I challenge everyone to find someone who you can support and encourage this week.  

This last week at the Bridge of Storm Lake, I gave a challenge for my team members to spend 15 minutes in quiet or silence.  This for me meant no phone, music, videos, talking, etc.   We live in a world where it seems we are hardly ever quiet and hardly ever take the time to really just sit and think.  I know that I am incredibly guilty of this.  In fact, with my anxiety, I often am a bit intimidated by quiet spaces and times because that is when my anxiety can increase. 

For my 15 minutes of quiet, I decided to go to the lake and sit at a nice quiet spot.  (It was mostly quiet, except for a couple who started to play music).  It was the perfect weather, mid 70s, no wind, and hardly any bugs.  It was absolutely beautiful! I sat there by the lake for at least 15 minutes and then I did some reading.  There were a few things that I discovered/reflected on while I was out by the lake and having my 15 minutes of quiet.  The first thing that I noticed is that there is a bike/running path closer to the lake than I had been running on.  This was not my most meaningful of thoughts, but it was something I noticed.  I really want to go running on that part of the path next time I go out on a run.  

The second thing that I realized was one of the reasons that I love Storm Lake, Iowa.  It shows me a tiny bit of God’s end plan for heaven as well as he wanted earth to be originally.  It is a town that has a beautiful lake and trails right at its center.  This showcases God’s beautiful creation.  This is even why I am so excited for my next run and bike ride around the lake to get the chance to experience the beauty of creation even more.  Storm Lake, like many places in the world, gets to highlight God’s power and beauty in creation.  Storm Lake also showcases God’s ultimate plan for humanity and eternal life because of the diversity in town.  There are so many different people groups, languages, cultures, and individuals in Storm Lake.  We know that at the end of the world, when we are in heaven, we will see people from every tribe and nation praising God.  This is stated in Revelation 7:9, “After this I looked, and behold, a great multitude that no one could number, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, clothed in white robes, with palm branches in their hands.” Storm Lake gives me a bit of the diversity that we will have at the end.  This is incredibly beautiful and unique to a small community in Iowa.  

The third thing that I reflected on while sitting at the lake was that I am really small.  I am just a lone person sitting by a somewhat small lake in comparison to other lakes knowing it could still swallow me up by its grand size.  Then I thought about the whole world and everything in it, and I started to remember that I am just one tiny piece.  To some, this might be a negative, however this was not the case for me.  I am hoping that I will always stay that small and keep that feeling.  I don’t ever want to think that I am grander and bigger than I am.  I want to stay a small piece in God’s big plan and creation.   I want God to always be the thing that is big.  Humility is really important.  It is important that we never think that we are grander than we are. 

The last big thing that I reflected on was that this is something I should spend some more time doing.  I should spend more of this time reflecting and thinking as I am staying very quiet.  I know that I can struggle with anxiety, so it is so much easier for me to distract myself as opposed to thinking.  However, I do believe that if I were starting to spend time in reflection and thinking that I could actually help myself fight my anxiety as opposed to just distract myself from it.  I would have to be fighting it head on.  My personal challenge to myself is to spend more time in quiet reflection and meditation.  My challenge now for most of you is to try to take your 15 minutes of quiet.  This means no talking, videos, music, social media, etc. Take that 15 minutes in God’s creation or doing something that you really love.  Reflect on what you are grateful for or are learning in your personal study.  The world is a crazy place (especially right now), but that doesn’t mean that every single moment of our lives has to be. 

The past five summers I have worked in Storm Lake, Iowa for a Christian nonprofit named, the Bridge of Storm Lake.  This has been one of the best leadership, ministry, and growing opportunities of my life.  I have learned many things including how to best prepare for activities, being flexible when things are going to be different than planned, and learning from and about other cultures.  However, probably the biggest thing that I have learned is how to best love people, by intentionally living my life loving people.   

I really started to try to live intentionally when I decided to move into the trailer park a few summers ago.  This summer is my third summer living in the trailer park.  A lot of kids that the Bridge works with at the Bridge live in this trailer park, so it is definitely a chance to live amongst the people that I am serving.  I am getting to understand and relate to the kids and neighborhood on a deeper level.  However, that does mean that I need to actually be available when the kids come over.  I can’t just ignore them all the time when they want to do simple things like color or play outside.  This can also mean just being willing to sit there and talk to them, especially when they have a problem they are going through. This can be hard for me because there are many times I want to do the things that I want to do, and I don’t like doing something different than my plan.  I struggle sometimes to get outside of my head and live selflessly and therefore, intentionally. 

I have two examples of living intentionally since I have moved into the trailer park neighborhood this summer.   One time I had the plan to go to the store and then do a few more other things with work, but I had some puppies outside my door.  (I know, how great was that!) I, of course, played with them for a while and eventually their one owner, who is also my neighbor, wandered over looking for his puppies.  He is a seventh grade kid.  I spent some more time talking and getting to know him while playing with his puppies. The next day, one of the puppies was lost, and I tried to help him find the one.  We did end up finding her, so that was such a blessing.  He and his brother wanted to thank me by making me supper that night and bringing it over.   This was an example of doing my best to live intentionally.  I wanted to go to the store and get other things done, but God blessed me with an opportunity to get to know a kid, and later help that kid find his puppy, and therefore serve him.  It is showing kindness and love to those neighbors. 

There was another time where two girls came over because they were very bored.  This was, of course, still in the midst of social distancing, and they didn’t get the chance to play with people as much.  We spent an hour and a half coloring, and playing with slime.  They girls discovered how to use markers to change the color of the slime.  The girls got the chance to showcase their creativity and love of dancing.  This was also a great chance to talk and listen to music.  (Of course, these were K-pop groups.)  These were two girls that I had known in past summers, so they knew that they could come to my trailer and hopefully feel loved.    

I think that there are times we want our missionary life to be very flashy.  We may feel we need to go overseas and live in a different country to share God’s word and be a true doer of the faith.  This is not always true, or at least it isn’t always true for someone all the time.  God often blesses us with opportunities to serve the people around us in multiple ways.  There just needs to be a thought of living intentionally.  Every person has people in their life that they can show love to.  For example, everyone has been blessed with some forms of family members.  We have also been born into a community and neighborhoods that include a whole bunch of different people.  Then we also choose our own friends that we have the opportunity to show a lot of care and love to.  

All of this work would be considered very Christlike and Godly.  In Zechariah 4:10 it says, “Do not despise these small beginnings, for the Lord rejoices to see the work begin.”  I recently found this verse, and I believe that it shows living intentionally, even in the old testament of the Bible.  There was the idea of living intentionally even way back in the beginning of the Bible.  This verse showcases that small beginnings are important.  The Lord loves to see people start their own personal ministry and good work.  He wants to see us get started as opposed to doing nothing.  Even when it feels as though your ministry doesn’t matter, even when it feels as though you are not doing enough, it is important to remember that God has a love for whatever work you are doing.  God sees the encouraging note that you write to a coworker, the helping out of a neighbor, and the praying for the sick.  God has a plan for these pieces of work.  God may even use these little ways to live intentionally to grow, shape, and develop you to be ready for a bigger mission. 

Recently our world has been rocked with many things.  This, of course, has been happening with COVID-19, but now we are also being rocked with the protests and in some cases riots for Black Lives Matter.  There are many things that we can take from the most recent events (Many, too much for me to say as a white woman living in Iowa).  However one thing that I want to bring up is the importance of leading with humility. 

Obviously, I am not going to boil down everything in regard to police brutality examples and Black Lives Matter to a simple matter of humility.  There are a lot of other things that are at play.  BUT I do think that this does show the issue of abusing power.  Abuse of power can happen so easily.  Anytime we are given a new position, specifically a new position over other people, there are times when we may start to abuse that newfound power over people.  However, this isn’t what is going to get the people underneath you to enjoy having you as a leader or in my opinion be as completely successful as you otherwise could be.  

I have obviously discovered this quite a bit as I was teaching.  I am in charge of youth.  I am supposed to give them instruction, grades, and when sadly needed, discipline.  There are times when that can be hard because there may be some kids that one may not get along with right away.  There were some kids that struggled to get the work that I asked of them completed.  Yet, it is very important to teach those kids with respect.  We have all had teachers or (in some cases) professors where they didn’t treat the students like people, but rather they treated them like they were not as smart or as able.  It was really important (and very much still is) that I treat students like they are people, and that I show them as much respect as possible, even when that respect isn’t given back in return at all times or right away.  This was definitely something that I had to learn this year in regard to teaching and in leadership. I still want to continue to grow in that every year.  

The thing to remember is that when anyone is in a  leadership position, there is still a good chance that mistakes are going to be made as well as a struggle to make some decisions.  It is really important to know that anyone who is in that leadership position can be willing to admit that.  We are not perfect humans.  We will never be fully perfect humans.  If a person is not willing to admit that they make mistakes and still have areas to grow, then they will not continue to grow in leadership and in skills.  This is similar to when someone, maybe even in a lower position, may have a better idea than one that you have.   Just because it was not your idea, does not mean that it wasn’t a great one.  Therefore, as a leader, it is really important to give other people under you a chance to speak up to ideas in order to all grow.   

There are going to be times when I will a mistake.  I will probably make quite a few.  This could be if I teach a concept wrong.  I sometimes forget a word in Spanish or I get a word confused with another.  Those are times that I need to make sure to be humble by, of course, correcting myself, apologize, and reteach the concept correctly.  This also includes, of course, if there are times that I get mad at a student when it isn’t justified.  I am upset with myself, but then I need to take that time to be humble. I need to take the time to apologize to the student that I got mad at, and be willing to admit that I did wrong.  I also need to be willing to take the advice and criticism that comes from my fellow teachers or leaders.  This will be the only way that I grow as a teacher and as a person.  

The best example of leading with Humility was, of course, Jesus.   Jesus showed humility through service.  He was the main leader in charge of his disciples.  His friends were not just his friends, but were calling him, teacher and master.  They were following in his footsteps.  They quit their job in order to follow him.  Yet, Jesus never gave them tasks in order for them to serve him, but rather he focused his energy on serving his followers.  For example, John 13:14-15-14 “Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another’s feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you.”  Jesus set the example when he washed his servant’s feet as something that we should do.  

One big thing that we can take from this is that if we want to lead with humility, it is very important that no matter how big of a leader that we are or no matter what our position we are in, we never forget to serve multiple people.  Never forget that if God has put you in a position to lead a group of people, he has also called you to serve those very people.  Again, those people are not there to solely serve you, even if that is the exact thing that society teaches us about leadership.  This means that he wants you to care about their well-being, and therefore be willing to make any changes that are necessary to ensure their wellbeing.  

A leader is also called to help grow the followers and the people behind them.  In Matthew 4:19, Jesus tells his followers to, “‘Come, follow me,’ Jesus said.  ‘And I will send you out to fish for people.’” Jesus wanted to help grow his followers to be the spiritual leaders and missionaries after he would be gone and crucified.  He knew that he wouldn’t be with them forever, and he wanted them to be strong doers and speakers of the world when he wasn’t around.  This is also, as a leader, what one needs to focus on.  A main focus should be teaching people under you how to do the job, so that way you know it can be taken care of if you ever need to move on.  It takes humility to empower others as opposed to giving glory completely to yourself, but it is the only way that anything can grow and develop from the initial beginning where it started.  

My two favorite books of the Bible are James and Proverbs.  The reason for this is because these books are filled with pieces of wisdom.  They are practical books for how one should live their lives.  While obviously the rest of the Bible is incredibly important in order to learn about the set up for Jesus, how Jesus lived, and predictions for the future, I really enjoy these books of the Bible giving advice on how best to love others and how to make wise decisions. 

There was a verse in Proverbs that I most likely have read, but have never given much consideration until recently.  This is Proverbs 4:23 which says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” I absolutely love this verse now.   This verse reminds me of another quote that I really enjoy that is by William Wadsworth which is “Your mind is like a garden.  Your thoughts are the seeds.  You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.”  

This quote and verse remind me of each other even though they are talking about two different body parts, they are both talking about the two most vital organs when it comes to influencing the rest of your body.  The reason is both your brain and heart help you make decisions, including life-changing ones.  These are also the two the body parts that help lead the rest of your body in either positivity or negativity. 

There has always been a saying of guarding your heart, whether this be in dating, making friendships, and/or activities that you participate in.  However, I never thought about the reasons why someone should be concerned about guarding their heart.  It isn’t just to feel better, but it is also because your heart is the main source for everything that you do.  This is usually because what is usually what is in your heart is also what you are thinking about on a regular basis, and then the thing that will impact a good deal of your actions.   It is so much harder to do tasks when you are filled with anger, regret, guilt, shame, and jealousy, as opposed to working with joy, kindness, humility, peace, and love.  

When we choose to let negative and ugly things be the only thing that enters our minds and hearts, then there is not a lot that we can expect to come out of it.  We can only really expect that negativity and ugliness to start taking root in our hearts and minds that then will grow weeds. Weeds are always hard and a pain to get rid of especially if you let them keep growing or become thistles.  Weeds are also always popping up, so we do just need to be conscious of the continuous bad thoughts that try to pop and grow in our minds and heart.  Therefore we need to make sure that we guard our heart and mind from these negative weeds that can take root and leave us negative all over.  

When we get rid of the weeds, this allows flowers and plants to grow easier.  Similarly when we get rid of the weeds in our mind and we continue to guard our heart and mind, we are able to have the flowers in our mind grow.  This includes our positive thoughts and increase of self-esteem.  It is also important to remember that flowers are not just pretty to look at, but they also provide nectar to multiple insects and continue to keep many ecosystems alive.  Those flowers that we create in our minds can in many ways also help us create a better place in the world.

My word of the year is Freedom, and this is important in regard to this verse.  The reason that my word of the year is Freedom is because I want to live my life free from anxiety, from fear of displeasing others  and fear of failure.  I want to live for the Lord with my complete heart, body, soul, and mind.  This verse and quote, while it does not talk about freedom specifically, it does talk about guarding your heart and mind away from things that could ultimately lead you the opposite from Freedom.  

The best example that I can give in my own personal life is my struggle with anxiety.  I have mentioned this in previous blogs before.  However, that struggle with anxiety was a really big thing for me for a while.  I still give myself a lot of problems with self-doubt, especially as I have been completing my first year of teaching.  I often am so scared of messing up and making the wrong decisions that I have sometimes caused myself to be sick this last year.  (I went to the doctor because I was on the verge of getting a stomach ulcer from both a lot of stress and a bad antibiotic).  I am definitely not protecting my heart from my own negativity, and this is leading me to a dark place.  I have actually decided recently that I am going to go back on my anxiety medication.  I am not saying this because this is a way to get attention, but I am willing to admit I needed help again.  One of the ways that I want to protect my heart and my mind from my anxiety is through giving myself the medication that I need in order to prosper.  If you ever feel as though you are in a similar spot, there is no shame in that.  Do what you need to get rid of your weeds and to guard your heart.  

Freedom has definitely been hard for me to find this past year with my increased anxiety and stress, but I supposed that it is also then the perfect year to make it my mission.  I need to continually be evaluating if I am guarding my heart from evil thoughts and anxiety in order to fully prosper.  This should also be including avoiding watching certain content or reading certain books that may also not help me prosper.  This is that I know the Lord is going to take care of me.  He is always going to be with me because he loves me. Not that I am not going to have problems in my future, but I know that God will see me through even when I do have those struggles. 

A few months ago, I finished another poem about being in the light.  This is something that has really been on my heart for the last couple of years, and I think that especially in 2020, it is a good reminder for everyone. 

Light that will take out the darkness
Light that will show the way to the one that has come before
Light that will hide away shame, guilt, and fear
Light that will showcase the promises, spirit, and fruit

To be the light one has to be willing to
Be piercing at times to scare away the darkness
So bright that it is blinding in the eyes
Scaring away the darkness from the brightness

To be the light one has to be willing to
Work in areas where there isn’t light
Light in areas where it is dark, cold, and scary
Places where light is essential yet rare and hardly found

To be the light one has to be willing to
let others shine like a nightlight or a lamp, avoiding a spotlight
Light doesn’t have to be the brightest in the room
But can be willing to shine alongside others

To be the light one has to be willing
to be available; at all times, even when it is hard
When it should be easier to fall into the darkness
When you are in a dark spot, you have the ability to shine brighter

To be the light one has to be willing
to be plugged in to the right source
Like a nightlight in the wall
Not depending on your own source, but rather God’s source

I think it is also very important to remember to be available when one is a light.  Like we can turn on the light in our house, or out in the dark with a flashlight, we need to be available, so a person can see where they are, where they need to go, and provide peace. Otherwise there are going to be a lot of people that will need the light and won’t have it.  There is such a scary feeling when you are stuck in the dark and there isn’t any light around.  The lights are essential for making a person feel safe and to get where they need to go.  

One of the hardest parts about being the light is when it has to be piercing in the darkness.  Being piercing can be hard because you will obviously be seen from a long ways away which means that you will stand out.  People will definitely see you, even if that is not something that you usually enjoy.  Just like there can be times when a person finds that the light hurts their eyes in the darkness, there is also a pain that can come from a person’s light source that calls out sins, injustice, or a problem.  We don’t always want to acknowledge that those things are there, but they are there and only hindering people. Injustice is not something that people want to talk about and something that people find uncomfortable, but it is also something that needs to be seen and heard.  People may want to turn off your light, but it is important that you still continue to shine bright.  

The part that was the best part for me to write was the last stanza.  I sometimes easily forget that I am not the source of my own light.  God is the one who keeps my light going.  He is basically my battery or my plug-in.  I think that there can be times when I feel I need to be my own source, but that isn’t what is required of me.  If I only look to my own source, then I will often get very discouraged and broken down.  I need God’s source of light in order to get anything done.  When life feels heavy, that is also where we need to remember to plug in for some extra time with Jesus.  This is where a recharge is needed.  This may require taking some time by ourselves with God, but this will only help us shine brighter.  

Right now, there is a lot going on in the world.  The United States where I live is experiencing similar things to many others in the world.  There was social distancing throughout COVID-19 and now there are riots and protests for justice of the many black lives that were lost through police brutality.  Obviously, there are a lot of differing views and different ways that people are coping with this, but regardless of where you stand, you can still be a light.  This is through listening to your neighbor and their struggles, even if you don’t understand it.  This can be through making sure to say prayers for the ones that are struggling and hurting.  This can be through reaching out to friends and family and seeing if you can do anything for them.  There are many ways to be the light of the world.  Also, just like Jesus, you should be a light to those who are different than you and who have differing opinions to you.  A light shouldn’t choose who it shines for.  A light when running properly shines for everybody, at all times. 

Recently, I have been watching a lot of Youtube because of the extra time from social distancing.  (This actually isn’t abnormal for me.  I love watching Youtube.  I watch Youtube more than regular T.V shows.) I watched a few youtube videos by Shallon Lester. I have really honest to goodness no idea why I am watching this Youtuber.  It has nothing to do with what I am usually interested in, but it was suggested for me, and I am bored so here we are.  (Actually there have been some pretty controversial things said about what she has done, and I definitely don’t always agree with her).  But I will say that she did provide a great piece of advice that I believe can work for anyone.  This is “We can’t change what happened, but we can change what it meant.”  

There are going to be many different things that happen to us in our lives.  There are going to be many things that will want to make us want to quit, want to loathe in self-pity, or have bitterness.  And yes, we definitely need to spend time grieving whatever that thing is in your life, but still no matter what you do though, you can never change the thing that initially happened.  

I think that many of us have experienced negative experiences while in social distancing.  It has definitely been hard to stay positive the whole time.  There are many of us that have increased anxiety because of never knowing what is going to happen and how much longer we will have an irregular schedule or stay in social distancing.   However, I have also gotten to see a lot of people use this time as a way to grow closer to their family members, have more time for hobbies, or redecorate one’s house.   

I would say that now it has been about two and a half months that we have been in social distancing/self-quarantine. Even though, now there are more and more states that are starting to open up, we still are not functioning the way that we used to before everything with this happened.  What I have discovered, is that even though these are weird times and these are times that I would rather not live through again.  I certainly would rather be going to school and see my students.  I have discovered a bit of normalcy these past few weeks.  The normalcy for what it is. 

There have been some times when I have gone home to stay with my parents, but there are many times that I will spend it in my apartment by myself.  I will be there for a week, and yes I will have the occasional meetings and of course spending a lot of time calling my parents, the majority of time I will be by myself with my own thoughts and individual activities.

This means that I have gotten a chance to do a lot of my favorite things which includes, writing (specifically for this blog and other poems), running (so far over 200 miles this year), reading (read about 5 books), crafting (including painting, card-making, and coloring), and listening to A LOT of music.  I have also recently gotten a golf membership and hope that I can also start biking soon.  This has really reminded me of things that I really really love.   I think that there are a lot of people who have gotten this chance as well.  There are more people who are rediscovering the things that they love to do such as cooking, (This is not me by the way.  In fact I am eating at restaurants for months on end after this is over), sewing, and working out.  I am glad that there are a lot of people who get this opportunity.  I am really starting to think that we should have more time in our daily lives to work on these hobbies.  Hobbies are a beautiful thing.  

I think what I am finding is that this is all an important thing to spend some time with ourselves.  Granted, I am getting more time than is really necessary these past few months.  I have also been given an opportunity during this time getting to spend more time with God.  I have really been making sure that I am spending more time in my devotionals, working on memory verses, church online etc.  This has been a time to make my heart ready for when I do start meeting up with people.  I will be much more grateful for the long conversations, hugs, and going out to eat for a good meal! 

I would have given anything to have school for the rest of the year as originally planned.  I would have loved to have finished my first year of teaching like normal.  However, even with that being said, I am in many ways blessed with the time that I got to have finding my passions and getting to know myself again.  I am happy that I got so much time to paint, to rekindle my fire against Human Trafficking and volunteering with IJM, reading inspirational books including books by a new favorite author of Maya Angelou.  I can never change that we didn’t go to school for the last two and a half months of my first teaching year, but I can change what it meant for me.