One of my favorite sayings that is almost like a poem is the following, “Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn’t be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn’t know it so it goes on flying anyway.” This is written by Mary Kay Ash.   I have that poem with a small bumblebee charm along with this poem at my house. There was even one time I bought this same charm and poem for the middle school girls that I was a mentor for at a girl’s camp.  (We were the yellow team, so it was fitting). I again, similar to the sunflower poem, love symbolism.  I love being able to see something in the real world that works as a reminder to live out in my life.  I love being able to see a bee and know that it can be used as a reminder to have faith, or to look at a sunflower and to remember to live and reflect the son of Jesus Christ. 

There are times in our lives when this faith that a bee has can be easy.  Think like sitting in a chair or getting in a car.  We hardly ever really have to think that hard about the risks that we are taking.  How do we know the chair will hold us when we sit down? Do we ever get nervous that we will get into an accident when we are driving? Maybe when there is a storm, but otherwise we have complete confidence in our ability of driving and in sitting in a chair.  There are other times that it can be really hard to have faith.  This, of course, can be in health that may be failing, major life decisions, finances, and the future for family members or friends.  

For those that have known me in the past, they know that I have really struggled with anxiety most of my life.  When I was a kid, I didn’t know that the word was anxiety.  I would have just described it as me being a worry-wart kid.   My mom would often tell me I spent way too much time worrying about stuff, and I was often too in my head.  I’ll never forget the time that I learned about appendicitis.  I was so nervous that I would have an appendix erupt inside of me, and then I would die.  I started to feel like my right side was hurting! I was crying out in pain for an hour long car drive, while my mom was trying to comfort me. How crazy was that?  I was like five or six years old.  I was a kid, and that should have been the last thing that was on my mind, but yet there I was, worrying about a small organ inside of my body.  (Granted I could have an appendicitis, but worrying about it wouldn’t have stopped it from happening, and that is quite the point). 

Then when I was in college, I started to have anxiety and panic attacks.  This became a regular occurrence, eventually daily.  I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and it felt as though there was an elephant sitting on my chest.  Eventually I would get on some medication for a few years, and that was incredibly helpful.  I will never deny the assistance that these medications were helpful, and there are times when I sometimes want to return to the medication.  I will never say that those who are considering medication, are not trusting God enough because I don’t believe that in the slightest.  I was one of the people who needed it at that particular time in my life. The anxiety medication was something that became a bit more of a necessity during this phase of my life, and I am very thankful for the doctors and medication that offered great assistance.  

However, I hardly ever bring my fears to Jesus.  I do not spend enough time going to the Lord when I have fear and anxiety.  I don’t always pray over my fears. There are many times that I feel I can only trust myself when it comes to my fears. I also don’t always trust God.  I don’t always believe that God will help me in all situations.  In fact, I am almost confident that I can help myself out better than God can.  I feel as though I can fix all of my problems, but all that does is leave me with more anxiety and worry.  For those who have been following this blog or have read a few of my other blogs may have heard me talk about my word of the year.  This word is freedom.  There are many different caveats in this word, and one of them is complete faith in God.  When one has complete faith in the Lord, there is freedom in the fear and anxiety that otherwise feels paralyzing.  This can be even during the small things of life like whether or not you should try something new.   Because of my anxiety and fear, and therefore lack of freedom, there are many things that I can be afraid to do and therefore don’t do.  This could even be something as small as visiting with my neighbor and telling them about Jesus or asking someone if I could pray over them.  

You wouldn’t be able to tell a bumblebee that it can’t fly because it believes that it can fly or rather that it knows how to fly.  Therefore, it flies.  It is never afraid that it can’t.  Even if it did, it certainly doesn’t let that stop it.  The bee has a place to be and things to do, that being afraid of whether or not it can fly, won’t work.  That is complete faith that is almost like knowledge, where it becomes so secondhand that you don’t even have to think about it. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to not have to think much about what we do?  Wouldn’t it be amazing to do the things that we want to do without the fear of failing?  Wouldn’t it be great to be comfortable going outside a person’s comfort zone?  Sadly, I won’t say that this is something that will ever happen.  These things may always be scary. But it is likely that every time we do step out in faith and depend on the Lord, it becomes easier and easier to step out of the comfort zone.

For me, this also really came out when it came to this blog.  When I was a kid, I had always wanted to be a writer.  I wanted to have books published, and there are many times that I still dream of that happening in my future.  When I was in college though, I struggled writing papers, and the feedback I received sometimes was brutal, honest, but brutal.  I started to doubt if I had anything to say or even if I did, could I say it well enough to matter.  This last year  I started to put a few thoughts together and then I even started to write them down.  This would still take me a little less than a year to actually start my blog, but at least the idea and dream of writing was starting to come back to me.  I am still sometimes afraid of people not liking what I have to say.  I am afraid of people thinking I was silly and weird for my thoughts. 

There are still times that I do.  There have been times when I have written something and gone back and forth on whether or not I should actually publish it or put it on social media.  But then I try to remember that God helped me construct those thoughts and words. He helped me put together sentences as I am continuing to grow in all areas; spiritually, mentally, physically, and even professionally.   If he has put these words on my heart that now has come to a computer screen, then it is something that should be put out there into the world.  If my words that come from God can be used to touch someone or if it can spread God’s word and love, then the initial discomfort or fear of sharing is worth it.  

Is there something that you are afraid to try?  Is there something that you have always wanted to do but was afraid to put yourself out there?  Maybe this could be running, writing, singing, or learning to play an instrument.  Maybe this would even be something small like asking someone if you could pray over them.  Do you trust the Lord enough with everything, both the small and big things? These are good questions to ask yourself. I know I would personally love to see you all try something new. Try being brave. We can keep each other accountable with this.

Please just remember that you can “Beelieve and fly high.”

“Empowered women empower women.”  Lately this is one of my favorite quotes.  It is completely 100% true.  However, really what does this quote entirely mean? What does it mean to be empowered?  The definition of empowered from the Merriam-Webster dictionary is “having the knowledge, confidence, means, or ability to do things or make decisions for oneself.”  An empowered woman is a woman who knows her own self-worth and is very able to do things on her own, independently. This might not mean all the time.  We all need help from time to time, and we all should be very dependent on Jesus, but you are at least willing to do the tasks that you have been assigned to the best of your ability on your own.  

The definition also included, you are also confident enough in themselves. She knows who she is.  She also knows whose she is.  This is important.  When a woman is completely confident, she is not easily swayed by other people around her.  She also is not as easy to fall into the very easy trap of jealousy and comparison that may seem prettier, nicer, more athletic, more musical, etc.  She won’t be swayed because she is happy with her talents and her personality. She knows that she was made great just the way that she is.  

 We as women have learned to embody this comparison in many negative ways.  Our jealousy towards other women can eat us up alive. There is often an idea that we almost need to take down another girl in order for us to achieve.   Just watching teen movies, there is a constant fight between the main mean girl and the mean, popular girl.  (I do realize that this can also often happen with boys throughout their time in high school for some movies, but for right now I am focusing on the story of women.)  This needs to be the opposite. We need to focus our attention on helping the next woman in line feel confident once we do. 

The Bible has many reasons as to why one should not fall into this form of jealousy or comparison. This is because jealousy and comparison is only something that is going to hurt ourselves.  “Proverbs 14:30  A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.”  Granted, this comparison and jealousy won’t actually make our bones rot, but this comparison and jealousy can make us sick inside.  However the peace inside that one can have will make everything in life brighter.  

I have a perfect example of this.  I will never forget that there was this one day that I ran a 15K which in non-runner speak means 9.3 miles.  It was the farthest I had ever run at that time.  I was so happy and proud of myself.  I would look at the participation medal and jacket and just smile.  I had been training for that race for months.  However, then I saw a post by a girl I know who is a year younger than me talking about finishing her half marathon, 13.1 miles, in a time that was impressive to say the least.  I was immediately disheartened.  I knew this girl.  She was even a year younger than me, and yet she was able to do something I couldn’t do.  I almost didn’t care that I had just achieved a great goal of mine.  

The response that I had at that time in high school was not a response of an empowered woman, maybe a girl who was working her way towards that, but not completely there.  This made me shame myself and my body who I felt like couldn’t compete.  I didn’t have a tranquil heart at all, but rather a sickening disappointment. Later on, I would eventually set a goal to run a half marathon, and after a few years of training as well as one failed attempt to make one without stopping, I ran a half marathon.  It is still one of my proudest accomplishments.  And, even though that day I saw other people I know run the same race in a shorter time, I was not going to be disappointed by anything. Because at that time, I was starting to learn that just because someone can do something better than you, doesn’t mean that you have to quit or become frustrated. You can always be inspired and have a desire to do better, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t be happy for the highs along the way. I had a space in the runner’s world, as did the other runners.  I wasn’t kicked out of the nonexistent club of runners because I wasn’t as fast or didn’t run a full marathon.  This is what it means to be empowered.  I was realizing that I loved to do something that other women do, and that it is ok that we both do it, even if the one does it better. 

I am never going to say that I don’t get jealous today.  It is still something that I struggle with on a day to day basis.  But, I don’t want that jealousy to ruin things that I love about myself or things that I am proud of.  I was made by God, and he made me the exact way that he wants me.  This is something that I always need to remember.  You also must remember that.  You were made perfectly by God and are deeply loved.  This is especially true when it comes to my relationship with Jesus.  My relationship with Jesus and my ministry opportunities is something that I need to focus on for myself.  If I am constantly concerned about being as spiritual, as religious, reading the Bible more, then I am not focused on the right things.  I am more concerned about “looking” Godly and righteous, than actually “being” Godly and righteous.  Being inspired by another woman is perfectly acceptable, but when it becomes a comparison filled with jealousy and anger, then we are approaching a problem.   

Once we have that confidence starting to focus less on our jealousy and comparison, we can start to look at encouraging and empowering others around us.  Empowering women or straight up encouraging the people around us, is also a very Godly command.  It is a very Godly thing when we spend the time encouraging one another.  “1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” Seeing other women’s gifts and encouraging them in their gifts, is incredibly important.  Even being willing to help mentor them in their confidence and happiness over their life is completely life-fulfilling.  

I also believe that it is very important to support, pray, and encourage empowering women organizations.  There are also many organizations that I love to pray over in regard to empowering women.  This is helping girls and women recovering from sexual trauma, women and girls in other countries not being able to be educated, or achieve any of their dreams.  Just taking the time to pray about these organizations will go a long way in this world.  

(Side note, while this blog post was about the quote, empowered women, empower women.  It is important to note that anyone can struggle with comparison, not matter what age or gender.  Overcoming this jealousy and comparison is important no matter who you are.  I know as a woman, that I and many women friends have struggled with this in many ways.)

I am doing something different with this blog.  Last summer I started to really enjoy writing and reading poetry.  I still have a lot to learn when it comes to writing poetry. However, this was the poem that I feel is my best work and one that I actually use as an inspiration in my life.  Because it is titled “Sunflower” and it is all about seeing sunflowers as a symbol, you will find that sunflowers are the main piece of decoration in my apartment. I hope that this poem and blog will lift spirits as we are now in spring, with a summer and warm weather approaching.  

Sunflower

I want everyone to remember to be like a sunflower.  It is not always easy. We would much rather follow our own heart and own mind rather than the Lord’s.  He always knows where we need to be going. He always knows what we really need, so there is no need to worry about following the wrong way.  God blesses us with simple beautiful symbols all throughout the world. Sunflowers are just one example of a beautiful symbol. God has created a simple and beautiful flower to showcase how we are supposed to live on a daily basis.  A sunflower will never be anything without the sun, and that is the same as us with our son, Jesus Christ.  

The sunflower’s main job is to showcase and follow the sun in the sky, while our main job is to follow and showcase the son being Jesus Christ.  When people see us, they should see Jesus Christ in how we love, learn, care, teach, and work. This even includes the hard times and the hard tasks. The Sunflower, especially immature sunflowers still face where the sun should be on cloudy days. They know that even though it is dark and cloudy, that there is a sun underneath those clouds.  This also happens at night when the sun has gone down for the night. Sunflowers patiently wait facing the east for the sun to come up. The sunflowers know that even though it is dark at the moment, there is a glorious morning on the horizon. No matter how dark it can get at certain times, always remember that there is a son, Jesus Christ, that is there and who will eventually come back for the rest of eternity.  

Lately my devotional has been a deep dive into the lives and prophecies of the minor prophets.  One of the minor prophets is Hosea. Hosea is a book in the Bible that describes God’s heart for his people.  Even though the nation had been unfaithful to the Lord, often being compared to an unfaithful wife, God continues to love and care for the people of Israel.  Granted, the Israelites were going to be punished because of their unfaithfulness, but after the Israelites were punished, God was going to call his people back to himself.  This is something that God has done multiple other times throughout the Bible, and this is exactly something that God wants to do in our own personal lives.  

Hosea 2:19-20, “I will betroth you to me forever;  I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion. I will betroth you in faithfulness, and you will acknowledge the Lord.” This was a verse that God professes to Hosea after he tells him everything that is going to happen with the Isrealites.  God desires to bretroth his people in righteousness, justice, love, and compassion. This sounds amazing. Even though his people at this particular moment in the Bible were falling away from him, he was looking forward to the future when he would call his people back to him.  This definitely shows God’s complete and whole love for his people, and that it is incredibly hurtful to him when his people fall away. This should also show us how complete and whole God’s love is for us, you and me. He wants to betroth you, yes you, wherever you are, in justice, love compassion, and faithfulness.  

Currently, it is Easter weekend.  This means the celebration of when Jesus died on the cross and then resurrected back to life.  God saw the world and saw all the evilness, sin, hurt, and weariness, and knew that he had to find a way to fix the situation. Jesus died on the cross for our sins because we could not make it to heaven without his death and resurrection.  Because we could not save ourselves, God found a different way to call us back to him. Easter is the ultimate weekend when God called his people back to him, but it is definitely not the most current example. God is constantly doing that with us in our own lives.  There are moments when we feel that we have lost the way to the Lord. There are moments of great sadness in our lives when we may feel as though we are not in God’s graces anymore. In all of those situations, God does indeed, have a plan.  

Take, for example, the entire world that is now having a problem in regard to COVID-19. There is a lot of fear and anxiety during this time.  We don’t know how long we will be in social distancing, how many lives COVID-19 will take before it is fully gone, how many jobs will be lost, what our economy will do after this, or if our medical health system will ever go back to normal.  These are very valid questions and concerns that people have. We have never in our lives experienced anything like this on such a global scale.  

However, the Lord is definitely using this time to gather people closer to him.  How do I know this? Because, where there are areas with high technology advances, churches, Bible studies, youth organizations, and multiple other groups are finding the best way to connect online.  Now, this may actually sound like the opposite of growing closer, because now people are not able to meet face to face but rather only through a computer screen. However, this has just reminded people that meeting together to talk about the Bible is such an important piece to their own lives.  We have discovered how that weekly session that at one time may have felt like another thing on our schedule, or another hour we could be resting is completely essential for our spiritual and mental health. I have seen more posts on Facebook in regard to faith, Christianity, and church meetings than I ever did before COVID-19.  That is something to celebrate. When we return to our normal church settings, a hope should be that we adore the time that we can spend with others in the church.  

This time has also, with our increased anxiety and fear, meant that people feel they need to rely on the Lord for their protection, solitude, comfort, and strength.  We realize more and more that the more plans we make, the more things we do aren’t going to happen without the will of the Lord. He is ultimately the one that will make the decisions and has his plan in COVID-19. For example, I had plans to finish out a normal first year of teaching. What I didn’t know at the beginning of the year was that he was going to teach me how to be incredibly flexible and learn to teach online.  We don’t know the plan, but we also, sadly, aren’t supposed to at this time. This blind trust and faith is the thing that will see us through. This time shows that we can’t have blind trust in our medical field, schools, or the stock market because they are not the ultimate thing that will keep the control.  

The world is experiencing a pandemic.  We are in a time of great sorrow, stress, heartache, and destruction.  I realize that I am incredibly blessed during this time, where I and my family have stayed healthy, I can work from home and still receive payments, as well as internet and entertainment.  I know that there are so many people who have lost jobs, lost paychecks, lost a place to live, and even family member’s lives due at least in part to this pandemic. However, God continues to have a plan.  At the end of this, we may experience the greatest joy. There may be more love for a neighbor because we realized how much we enjoyed meeting together. There may be more care for the elderly and immune compromised because we realize how vulnerable they can be.  There may be more joy walking into a job everyday because we missed doing our job and the co-workers around us.   

The world looks really, really, really dark right now, the darkest I have ever seen. However, this is not the first time the world has experienced darkness before. Back again to the first Easter Sunday, the people had just watched Jesus, the Savior of the world die on the cross.  For some, this was their best friend and someone they really connected with, die. For others, they were discouraged because they thought he was going to save them from destruction. (He was, but just in a different way, not in a way they were expecting). The world had two days where God was essentially dead.  The world was in a dark place, but then Jesus resurrected from the grave, moved the rock, and brought hope and joy to his people on Easter Sunday. We are living in a really long Black Friday, but I know that we have a beautiful Easter Sunday that is on the horizon. 

This last month, March, was women’s history month. Coincidentally, I also happened to read two books about Godly women for my devotionals throughout the month.  These were two books that described in great detail, stories about godly women and how they inspired many, both men and women, in their devotion and love for the Lord.  

One of the books that I read this month was “Hearts of Fire: Eight Women in the Underground Church and their Stories of Costly Faith.”  This book was written by the Voice of the Martyrs, and it showcased women who were Christian when many others were forcing them to be otherwise.  Even if they were living in places that didn’t allow Christianity and certainly didn’t allow proselytizing, these women leaned in to their love of the Lord as opposed to following society’s standards and rules.  Even when these women were being beaten, imprisoned, separated and disowned by their families, they still continued to share the Gospel with the people around them, would continue to hand Bibles out even though they were illegal books, and forgive the people that would hurt them tremendously. These women knew that nothing in this earth could ever be as great or as important as following the Lord, and therefore they were willing to give up everything in this world for him.  

One of the women that really inspired me from this book was Tara.  Tara’s story really started when she was a young girl living with her family.  Tara was a scholar in the fact that she ordered and completed a Bible Study kit just because she had a desire to learn more about Christianity.  She had no plan to convert to Christianity, while that is exactly what happened, but just to study and learn more about the people that are around her in the world. However, the problem was when her father found her Bible.  In the country that Tara lived, they were not allowed to be a Christian or at the very least you would not be accepted or respected. Tara’s father and brother beat Tara in order to “knock some sense into her,” but Tara would eventually be able to escape.  This was actually the moment when Tara would really dedicate her life to Jesus. She had fallen in love with reading the Bible and the Lord who had wrote it. The rest of the chapter showcases Tara’s desire to read and study the Bible, even becoming a secretary in her church.  She would have to continue to spend some of her life running away from her father and brother until she would eventually get married. She would start a ministry of evangelizing and speaking to Christians who have converted from Islam. She could have been defeated by her family’s beatings.  She very easily could have lied about her conversion to Christianity, but she took her experience and made it an encouraging story of following the Lord.  

The other book that I read this last month was “7 Women” by Eric Mataxas.  This book followed 7 stories about famous women in history who were known for their greatness.  Majority of the women most people will recognize such as Joan of Ark, Rosa Parks, and Mother Theresa.  Eric did a great job showcasing the woman’s life story and specifically why they are great. Each of the women in this book inspired multiple people and helped lead an army, hid people from Nazis, worked against the Trans-Atantic Slave Trade, and helped the poor in India.   All these women listened to God’s call and had the courage to follow it.  

Hannah More in particular was a woman who was gifted with a wonderful writing gift.  She was a playwright and a poet who could move people to tears and compel people to join a movement.  Hannah would be incredibly close to William Wilberforce, and would help his political movement against the Trans-Atlantic Slave Trade.  Her writings about the slave trade made many people realize that it was an evil and inhumane act. She was incredibly intelligent, hardworking, and respected amongst many, even during a time when many women were not. Hannah inspired me in many different ways.  I was inspired by Hannah’s talent, and that she was able to use that gift for an incredible movement. I also am very passionate about fighting against modern day slavery, such as sex trafficking and forced labor, so I am always inspired by those that have fought for Freedom for slaves in the past.  

Corrie Ten Boom was  a woman who helped many Jews, along with other identified groups,  hide away from Nazi soldiers during the Holocaust in Germany. However, this would result in her being found and brought to a Nazi concentration camp herself.  She and her sister would suffer from the hard labor, humiliation from the guards, as well as some beatings. Her sister would ultimately die as a result of the camp, while Corrie would be released.  Throughout the entire time they were in the camp, the two of them led Bible studies and often would share their faith with others at the camp. As incredible as their story is; it will continue on many years after the Holocaust.  Corrie would be asked to speak at many events and conferences to share her story. At one of her speaking events, she would meet one of the guards from her and her sister’s concentration camp, and she remembered him being incredibly cruel.  He told her that he had become a Christian, and he asked for her forgiveness. She was able to forgive him. Corrie inspired and fully led out a life of forgiveness and courage.  

Something that I loved about these books was that it showcased women who were vastly different.  There were some women that were devoted mothers, church secretaries, writers, walking missionaries, nuns, and soldiers.  The women had many different personalities, talents, temperaments, and spiritual gifts, but yet a great desire and devotion to the Lord above.  These two books reminded me that I can be myself with my talents and interests to impact the world. If my commitment to the Lord is there, then God can use me to advance his kingdom.  These two books showcase that God can use someone who is single or married, the broken or the healed, the sinner or the saint, the rich or the poor, and the man or the woman.

Below is the picture of the two books that I read this past month.

I realized very recently that I have not yet on my blog talked about the very verse that my blog is named after.  The verse that inspired my blog is Colossians 3:23 which says; “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the LORD, not for human masters.”  This is my favorite verse, but I think that even if it isn’t, this verse has a great lesson for all of us to learn.  

While in the United States, being a workaholic is a prized thing. It is a personality trait that we all want to claim that we have, but it can also be a personality trait that if we are being honest can make us really selfish and absent minded to the beautiful things around us.  Now don’t get me wrong, I love to work. I am a type A personality, so the idea of being home for an extended period of time is incredibly hard, as we are during this time of coronavirus. I do know though that I can tend to be selfish about my time when it comes to working, and can often forget the reasons that I am doing the job, but instead focus on looking like I am the best employee.  

Colossians 3:23 is a verse that is for the workers out there.  It is saying that you need to work at things with all of your heart.  This verse is giving you permission to love your job, love doing tasks, love being a hardworking achiever.  However, you need to think about the reasons as to why you are working so hard. Why are you putting all of your energy towards this job or task? Is it supposed to be so that you can look great at your work or for your own pride? Is it because you are a perfectionist and need things to be a certain way because otherwise you won’t feel accomplished.  

Colossians 3:23 is telling the people who do love to work that it can be a very godly act that can produce many blessings and spiritual fruit.  However, the reason that you should be working so hard is not for yourself, but rather for the Lord and doing his work on this earth. There is a desire to complete the will and plan that he has for your life.  This is not working because of the desire to have a million dollars, get fame and popularity, power, but the desire of your heart for God’s purpose and fulfillment.  

For me personally, I had worked hard in high school because I wanted to get straight As.  However, that soon became my obsession. I felt that I would not be myself or I would not get my full fulfillment if I didn’t receive an A.  I felt the most complete when I was the perfect student. Even though I was working so hard and was putting my whole heart into it, I wasn’t doing any of this school work for God, but rather all for myself.  

This verse means a lot to me because I believe that God has given me a desire to work hard.  I want to put my whole heart into everything that I do, (well at least most of the time), and this verse helped me realize that it is a gift that I have gotten from the Lord.  However, how I chose to use that gift is another thing. Just because I enjoy working and putting my whole heart into things doesn’t mean that I am always thinking about the Lord.  There are often times I want to be seen as the hardest working person, just for my reputation and not because I care about advancing the kingdom in this role.  

This verse also serves as a reminder to myself to work hard on the things that I don’t always enjoy.  This verse specifically says, “Whatever you do, work at it for the Lord.” This means whatever you do, which is everything.  There are certain tasks that I absolutely love doing, and I have no problem working at it with my whole heart. Those things are schoolwork, painting, and writing this blog.  However, there are a few things that I don’t like to work at with my whole heart including laundry, cooking, contacting people I haven’t seen for a while, and praying for my enemies.  Not only should I take time to actually do this, but I also need to do it with the same amount of effort as I would with any other task.  

This verse lastly reminds me to live out this verse every day.  There are going to be days when there isn’t a lot of motivation, and there are days when we need to rest.  This also provides the opportunity to rest for the Lord. This can be spending time in prayer, fasting, and reading the Bible.  This is something that I also don’t do to the best of my ability. When I have a day of rest, I tend to spend the whole day watching Youtube and Netflix.  (Like in this quarantine, I have watched a lot of Youtube videos). Now, while this isn’t inherently bad to watch a few Youtube videos and or a show, as many of us have discovered it isn’t the best thing to do for the whole day or days on end.  However even on the days of lack of motivation, there is still an opportunity to grow closer to the Lord. I have at least another few weeks of quarantine that I can grow significantly in my walk with the Lord.  

In conclusion, Colossians 3:23 is my favorite verse for many different reasons.  I love the reminder of working at everything to the best of my ability, even the things that I don’t usually like to do.  This is a great way to continue to find joy in every piece of life, even the hard parts, and we do this all because we want to show glory and love to the Lord. 

As per my theme this year being Freedom, I have another reflection piece on what it means to be completely free.  This being giving away the control over my life to the Lord, where I am not the one that is in charge, but rather God will be.  I never considered myself a control freak, but I also have realized that I like to know what is going to happen in my future. I hate the idea of the unknown and not knowing what is going to happen.  I hate not knowing where I will work, for how long, where I will live, etc. There are many times that I wish there was a roadmap of what is going to happen in my life. 

This desire for control in my life has really come to a head in the past few weeks as the coronavirus or COVID-19 pandemic has taken full effect. This outbreak, of course, created a great deal of anxiety amongst the world.  It didn’t hit me or affect my life until recently when I was no longer able to teach for four weeks. This means that I wouldn’t get the chance to complete my lesson plans, watch extracurricular activities, and teach/spend time with my students. There is also discussion among many states, including Iowa, to close down the schools for the rest of the year.  I am not happy about these four weeks. I do not want to be at home without seeing my kids, without doing my new job that I love to do, but yet here we are. I have absolutely no control over any of this. If the schools in Iowa do decide to close for the rest of the year, I will have absolutely no control over that either. I would cry a lot, but I still wouldn’t be able to gain that control back.  For many of us, we are in the midst of not knowing if we are going to have to be locked down for a few days or a few weeks. This creates a great amount of fear in all of us, and none of us sadly have any control over any of it.  

Again, as sad as having to spend the weeks in for the COVID-19 is, it is also a great chance for me to learn about control and how that is something that needs to be given over to the Lord.  God is ultimately the one who is leading the doctors in finding a cure to fix the illness. God is the one who is leading the government officials as they make decisions for their people. God is the one who is using this time maybe as a chance to bring families together, make people appreciative of their jobs as well as the people in their life, and catch up on hobbies/activities we, as people, don’t get to do as often.  

I will not deny that the first few days of being in quarantine, I was not happy in the slightest.  I was in a state where I didn’t want to see any posts or updates about it, and every time I did, I would get frustrated.  This even includes the posts or comments about looking on the positive side, because I definitely did not want to look on the positive side.  However over this past week, I have had the chance to do some crafting, painting, reading, writing, and working on some other school projects that needed to get done.  I am trying to take this time to self reflect and to grow inwardly before again getting out there in the working world again. I need to take this time to grow closer to the Lord, reevaluate some of my teaching resources, and capitalize on some of my other skills that I have been wanting to develop, including my writing skills for my blog.  

While COVID-19 is just one example of giving away control, it certainly won’t be the last.  I don’t know how long I will teach in Buffalo Center. I don’t know how long I will be a teacher in general.  I don’t know if God has a different state in mind for my future, or even country. I don’t know if I will be single the rest of my life or get married.  I can’t tell anyone anything about my future. When I think about that, I am filled with a great deal of fear. I sometimes get so concerned about the future, that I am not fully living in the present or trusting in the Lord, and this is the problem.  

As luck would have it, my verse of the week this week is Matthew 6:34 which says; “Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.” This verse is incredibly raw and truthful. There is enough every day to think about, work on, and put all energy towards without having to think constantly about the future. When looking at each day as who I can love, how I can praise God, and what I can do to be successful, then my life will continue to be more fruitful and thoughtful.

There was one summer when I lost my job a few months before the summer began.  The boss that I was going to have had to send me an email to explain that they didn’t need my role that summer as was originally planned.  It was an awful experience, and I bawled because I felt useless and out of a plan (plus money, I was a college student after all). This was not a part of my plan.  This was not part of what I wanted to do and when. However, this was obviously not in God’s plan. What was in God’s plan that summer, was me applying to the Bridge of Storm Lake in Storm Lake, Iowa.  If anyone knows me, then they also know that this was the biggest blessing in my life. I am now, this summer, going to work there for my fifth summer in a row. I continue to learn more about other cultures and diversity, how to love people, and how to be the best educator/mentor I can be as I work with children of all different walks of life from areas all over the world.  I would not have been blessed with this opportunity if I had followed my plan. I am so happy that my plans fell through and that God surprised me with the Bridge. I am glad I didn’t have control over my life in that situation. God knew better, and I need to remember that.    

Right now, I am living in a small town with very kind people and with students that I absolutely love.  I have been completely blessed in so many directions, and I have been given so many ways and reasons to praise the Lord as well as spread God’s word and glory.  It isn’t fair that I am wasting those opportunities stressing about the issues to come. As the weeks go on, I will continue to pray that the Lord will allow us to go back to school in a few weeks, but even if he doesn’t, God knows better.  God will always know better, in every way and every situation.

For those who know me, they know that I love the bachelor.  I know it is pretty terrible moral wise and not that realistic, but it is amazing drama television.  I don’t like drama in my life, but I need a bit of it in my television shows. However, this last bachelor, Peter Weber, had a phrase that drove me crazy, and that was “I am just following my heart.”  Now, although that is a standard phrase for the show, I will say that this bachelor would use this phrase a lot more than other bachelors and especially after he made a significant mistake or would ignore red flags.  This of course would leave me yelling at the television, “Don’t just follow your heart. You need to listen to your brain. You can’t just make decisions on your emotions.”

Now while this show is not supposed to be serious and not supposed to be something I take to heart, the idea of always following your heart can sometimes be a problem that myself and others can fall into.  This is the idea that emotions determine a lot of our decisions. When we are angry, there are times we can jump to doing or saying something that we will later regret. The Bible has some verses that also showcase this concept.  

In Jeremiah 17:9, “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” This sounds like a harsh verse, but it is really just a very honest reflection on how our heart can easily lead us astray.  This is especially our heart that is made of flesh from our human emotions. There are times when our heart can lead us to incredible anger, frustration, hurt, and any other kind of emotion that soon can turn into sin or hurting someone else.  

Another verse comes from Proverbs 28:26 “Whoever trusts in his own mind is a fool, but he who walks in wisdom will be delivered.” Now although I said that you have to listen to your brain, your brain and therefore mind can often also be under the influence of emotions.  The emotions can cloud your judgement in both your brain and heart. The point is to listen to the wisdom that you have developed from the Lord that will help you guide the right decisions that you should make, even when you are under the influence of emotions.   

This also can come to decisions in our lives.  Getting back to the bachelor, he (or she on the bachelorette) is trying to pick out his wife or the woman that he wants to be with for the rest of his life.  That is a major life decision, and if you are focusing this solely on feelings and emotions as opposed to whether or not you are a good match, then the love may not fully last your whole life.  

Now while emotions are not a bad thing, in fact they are completely healthy.  The Lord has blessed us with feelings such as happiness, sadness, joy, peace, and even frustration, especially godly frustration.  We are not made to be robots that do not feel, but we are people who can experience all of the life moments to their completeness. However, overreacting to those emotions and letting your emotions take over before you adequately think about things and make wise decisions.   We need to be able to feel the things that we feel. That is how we live life to the fullest. Being told not to feel emotions, doest really make the emotions go away, but rather that just leads to stifling or muting what is really there. Emotions are a positive thing, but should not be a main reason or way we make decisions because that ultimately will lead unwise decisions.  

I have especially learned that this year as I have become a teacher.  I have learned that there are times when I need to step away from a student or a situation when I am starting to get upset.  I know that there are times when I need to step away from certain students, so I will not get angry with them. I know there are times I have to choose to talk to students after class, as to get rid of my anger and be put in a situation that is calmer and more productive.  However, I still have a lot to learn when it comes to this. There are still times I will get upset with a student before I give myself the chance to calm down. This is something that I have been growing in as my first year of teaching is ¾ done. This is also something that I hope to grow in more and more each year in my teaching career.  I will be continuing to pray over my emotions.  

This blog post may be one of my most vulnerable and real.  This year I became a teacher, and I have certainly learned a lot. (A blog post coming later about that.)  However, there was something that I have learned recently about myself that I don’t fully like, and I need to reevaluate this.  This is the fear of people not liking me, and the hatred of people being mad at me.  

To preface this, I have never liked when people don’t like me.  I don’t want to say this to sound like I am cocky, but I am usually a person that people like or at least get along with. For the most part throughout school, I got along with everyone in my high school, and I would always have great long conversations with most of my teachers.  (Because of this, I was often late to my other classes because I was talking to the teacher before. I would then fix this, of course, with talking to that next teacher after class. I had to make sure I got to talk to them the same amount as well. 🙂 ) Then when I went to college, I made a lot of friends, and I especially got along with most of the professors that I had.  

Then in college, I took the Strengths quest survey, and I found out that my third strength is Harmony.  I care about keeping the peace and care about not having too many arguments. This, as a whole, is a positive thing, but it is also very hard when people are upset with me.  However, in this last year, I was reminded that through being a teacher, there is going to be someone who doesn’t like you. Actually, there is going to be a chance that more than one person is going to dislike you.  This is a normal part of life.  

There are times when I need to give a detention or get upset with one of my students, which I hate.  Although I love my students, and I do love my students. However, when they make a mistake, I need to fix that mistake.  I need to help lead them to the direction of being a kind, responsible, respectful, and successful student and eventually person. Yes, it feels awful for me when I have to punish a kid or get upset with a kid, but also at the same time it wasn’t my innate choice to be mad at them.  My choice was to teach them, show them kindness, and help them succeed to their best ability. Sometimes teaching them does mean setting high expectations for them, so that they know they aren’t supposed to say something when it is hurtful or inappropriate or when they do something that is destructive or disrespectful.    

This year, again as my word of the year, Freedom, I need to be willing to accept when people don’t like me.  I need to accept that at the end of the day, it does not matter nearly how much people like or see me, but it is how Jesus sees me.  There is few verses in the Bible, both Old and New Testament, that discuss this mindset. Including, in Galatians 1:10, “Am I saying this now to win the approval of people or God? Am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be Christ’s servant.”  At the end of the day, I am teaching because I love God and I want to show that love to others. I want to show that love to my students so much, but sadly sometimes that means having to teach them lessons. I should not care so much about being the cool teacher or the popular teacher.  Granted that would be nice, but it is so much more important to me to be the Godly and loving teacher, even when that does include the elements of tough love.  

Another verse that warns against the care of man over the care of God is Proverbs 29:25.  “It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the Lord, you are safe.”  I love my job, but my second guessing decisions and feeling bad about having to get upset at students has not been healthy for me at all.  It has created a great deal of stress that has led to anxiety and stomach issues. I need to focus on the freedom of being the best that I can be and in the end that is the best I can be.  I can’t get wrapped up in the small decisions. It has been very dangerous if at the end, I forget the main reason that I want to be a teacher is to serve God as opposed to man.  

“Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” Matthew 7:7-8

Matthew chapter 7, verses 7 and 8 aren’t my least favorite verses, but these verses are definitely not my favorite.  I can’t tell you why, but it was just not a verse that I felt connected to. This verse came up as my verse of the week, so it does need to now be a verse I need to ponder over and think about.  

However, I now also realize that, in part, my biggest problem was that I did not feel I understood the verse to its completeness.  I decided that I needed to take a deeper look at this verse and what it really means for me in my Christian journey.  

The bigger verse section discusses how God loves to bless his children.  He loves to give good gifts to his children who love him. The Lord wants to bless his children beyond what we can imagine.   This verse in and of itself is a reminder of God’s goodness. The Lord is a graceful and merciful God who wants to show love. God is good and better than we can even imagine.  

Well, this so far sounds like a dream verse.  This so far sounds like a dream that everyone should like.  It makes life sound so easy. When we have a problem, we just need to ask God and he will help us.  At the core, this verse is a reminder for us, God’s people, to pray to God, our Father. This is a reminder that God promises to grant promises and blessings upon the people who do pray. Prayer is an essential part of the Christian journey and a piece of our relationship with God.  Prayer is essentially a conversation with God, and just like our human relations, our relationship with God only becomes stronger through conversation.  

This being the case, it doesn’t make a lot of sense as to why I wouldn’t love this verse.  It serves as a reminder that God loves us and that he wants us to talk to him about our problems in our prayers.  However, I think that this is the precise reason I don’t love this verse. I want to be able to cure my problems. I want to be the one that is in control.  At the core, I don’t want to give up my control over my own life. It is the idea that I want my God to have control over my life, but I can’t bring myself to give that control over.  

The truth is that I have a great deal of pride in myself.  I sometimes have bigger pride in myself than I do in God. I, at times, believe that I am the one who should be in control.  My pride over God has been a big problem for me. I have a big belief that I am the one who should be making decisions for my life as opposed to God. 

Earlier in my blog series, I had a blog about my word of the year being Freedom.  I want to have more freedom in my life, and I think a big piece of that is that I need to be willing to give God more control of my daily life.  I need to be able to give that piece of my life that wants to control all my fears, all my choices, all my plans, and all my character over to God.  This is a part of gaining the freedom that I hope to achieve in the year of 2020. I need to be willing to give those concerns, over my fears, to God.  I need to be willing to give my control of my choices and plans to God, so I can do what God has desired.  

God may not answer my prayers and desires exactly the way that I originally planned, but that is because God actually has a better plan for us than we do.  Therefore, that is why we, including me, should be more willing to pray to God over our problems and concerns. My pride has stood in the way of my freedom of this regard. Whatever you do need is out there for you, waiting.  God is waiting to bless us, but we just need to be willing to ask, seek, and knock.