I have just finished my second year of teaching.  There have been a lot of things that I have learned in my second year of teaching.  I have definitely continued to grow and develop not just as a teacher but really as a person.   It was a very hard year while teaching in a pandemic.  Over half of the year, we had to make sure we were teaching the lessons in both class and for those who are online, and this includes those who were at home sick with COVID and in quarantine.  Then even when that time both in person and online ended, there were many new rules and regulations that we had in place while students were in the school.  Besides that, I was making it through the very first year of teaching for the full year in person.  Last year, my year was cut short, and so I get to experience a regular fourth quarter like I am this year.  

I noticed that in my first year I had a new name which was Miss Post.  It was hard to get used to.  It also was hard for some students to get into the habit of saying it because they didn’t know me, and they probably didn’t have the respect for me quite yet.  They instead would just call for me with a “Hey” or they would call me “teach.”  However, this year there are many who are now finally used to calling me Miss Post, and I am even getting used to being called Miss Post.  While there are some variations.  For example, all of my middle school students call me Miss Posta.  I have no idea why.  I don’t know where that started, but that is what they call me. Then there are many Jr.’s that like to call me Miss Pueste.  Again, I don’t know what happened there, but that is now what they call me. 

It is still a little weird though, when I think about how really Courtney (my first name) and Miss Post have to be slightly different people.  The one can be a bit more crazy, lazy, and emotional.  Courtney has the ability to kind of do things on her own and do the things that she solely wants to do.  Courtney for a majority of her life was focused on her goals, getting good grades, getting all of her meetings and focused on the hobbies and things that she wants to do.  However, Miss Post has to be more focused on her students and what I can best do for them.  

I have realized that I have a great amount of responsibility when it comes to being Miss Post.  I have to live my life in a more selfless and loving manner than I do when I am just Courtney.  Yes, I should have high expectations when I am Courtney, but I definitely need to have higher expectations when I am serving my students as Miss Post.  Miss Post needs to be more understanding, more patient, more kind, more loving than regular Courtney.  She is serving students, so therefore she needs to be more focused on everyone else as opposed to herself.  

I am very happy that in this second year of teaching I have developed myself more in the school building.  I have had students, even ones that I don’t necessarily know that well and that don’t necessarily know who I am all that I’ll have conversations with on a regular basis.   They are starting to recognize me more and more, and therefore they will strike up conversations with me.  This has given me a great chance to get to know students that I don’t even really have in my classes.  I even got some invites to graduation parties from some students that I didn’t have in class, but because I had them in Speech as an extra curricular and because I just talked to them enough in the hallways.  

I am also very happy that in my second year I have developed relationships with the teachers and the other members of staff at North Iowa.  There have been new teachers that have come to town and to the school, and we have all become pretty close friends.  I am glad that I can really look to them for comfort and for advice while we are all in this struggling year.  For the first year teachers that came this year, they were in the middle of teaching their first year in a pandemic, so they have had an extra hard first year.  I have had the chance to give them some comfort while also being comforted and helped out in my second year struggles.  

Lastly, I feel as though I have just grown as a teacher.  I am still going to hopefully grow as a teacher, but I am more and more happy with how I am establishing myself and how I am planning and delivering my curriculum.   I have become very happy about what I have done for my Spanish I and II classes, while I still want to include more speaking components.  Then I also want to create better Spanish III and IV classes. I want to continue to develop relationships and help my students that I have already and the future students that I will have.  I know that this last year was very hard on students, as well as the teachers, so I am going to need to continue to have to be there for them next year. 

The good news is that I know the Lord will help me to continue to grow as both a person, Courtney and as a teacher, Miss Post.  In John 14:12, “Truly, truly, I say to you, whoever believes in me will also do the works that I do; and greater works than these will he do, because I am going to the Father.”  If I continue to set my sights and seek help from the Lord, I know that he will continue to help me grow. 

Throughout my time of writing blogs, I have written about a majority if not all of the items that are a part of the fruits of the spirit.  I have definitely talked about love, joy (especially this year), peace, patience (because I struggle), kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness.  I have never really talked about self-control.  However, I am realizing that self-control is incredibly important, and it can help serve as a basis for a lot of the other fruits of the spirit.  

Self control is defined according to the dictionary as “the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires or the expression of them in one’s behavior, especially in difficult situations.” I loved this definition because emotions are a part of our daily life.  We are going to experience sadness, happiness, anger, frustration, and anxiety, maybe all in one day or within the same hour.  However learning to keep the same behavior within all those different emotions becomes really important.  It can be so easy to say the things that you can’t take back when you are angry, but that will not help prosper any of our relationships. 

Another thing about self-control is it helps us from doing the actions that we wouldn’t want to do on a regular basis.   There are many temptations out there for us people that the world puts in front of us that the Lord does not agree to.  I know for just me, there are the temptations of drunkenness, watching inappropriate movies, listening to inappropriate songs, and a bigger one for me lately is swearing and saying inappropriate words.  I was recently reading this book called, “Sexless in the City,” by Kat Harris.  She had a whole chapter talking about how living in this world lately has all been about instant-gratification.  We have the ability to get food whenever we want it through carry-out and frozen dinners without the hassle of cooking.  We have the ability to watch whatever show, the entire show, on demand on whatever streaming service we subscribe to.  We even have that ability with relationships through dating apps.  However, she does start to describe that when we start to look at people, especially in regard to dating, how they can best serve us, we can start to dehumanize them and only start to see them as something that can please us and make us happy.  The idea of self-control and patiently waiting to get to know people can help us better truly appreciate the relationships that we make in regards to dating and just overall, other relationships.  

Self control can also help us all feel better about ourselves.  I have these items that I try to complete everyday that I in my Christian planner like to call healthy habits.  These include things like exercise, devotional, practicing my memory verses, reading, writing, and making my bed.  These are items in my life that I think are important for my growth.  It can also be very easy to think that we don’t need to do these items.  There are days that I can wake up and not want to exercise.  I’m tired and don’t have energy.  Although, yes there are times when we should listen to our bodies and take a day off and not force it, the majority of times I end up feeling great after I do end up choosing to work out.  Sometimes, even though originally I felt I had no energy, after I worked out I actually had more energy because it got my body moving.  

Another healthy habit that I mentioned was my devotional with the Lord.  Yes I believe that a devotional should come from the heart.  A devotional should not necessarily be something that we just want to do in regard to check off our list.  The Lord will know if our heart is not fully in it.  However, just like in all things we may have some times in our lives when we don’t want to spend time doing a devotional.  There can be days when we may just want to continually watch television. I also, won’t lie, lately while I love doing my devotional, I am a bit unsure of God’s sovereignty.  If you read one of my more recent blog posts, you may have read that I am not sure where I am going or what God has in store for me, and it has at times been very hard to do my devotional when I am struggling to trust God.  However, when my self-control and dedication make me do it anyway, I am continually reminded that God loves me, and he does have a plan for me, even when I don’t always truly believe it.  

Self-control is definitely a basis for many of the other emotions.  It would be very hard to have any sort of patience without self-control.  Lately, I have had to really fight against my impatience and my fatigue in order to be the best teacher that I can be.  There are many times that I am not doing the best.  I am still incredibly tired, but I am learning more and more about how to do that and to continue to fight in my self-control.  The self-control in my classroom has helped me better keep my cool and has saved a few relationships with my students.  There have been times when I have not done this the best that I could possibly do, however.  I have definitely gotten impatient with a class and said something that I am not necessarily proud of, and have had to apologize to my class or students.  I am continually trying to grow in this regard.  

The good news is that self control does not have to be something that we have to fight for alone.  The Lord has the desire to help us through giving us the Holy Spirit that we have with us wherever we go.  “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”  (1 Timothy 1:7).   The Lord has provided us with a spirit that can have a great amount of self-control.  Know that I am talking through this devotional, like in all things, these are things that I am continually trying to work on.  I don’t have perfect self-control.  I sometimes swear and speak profanity, even lately when I have been really trying to work on not speaking that way.  I write blog posts, one because I love it, but secondly because I am continually trying to grow as a person and as a Christian, and I know that reflecting and writing has better helped me to grow.  We all should take consideration on how we can continually grow in self-control, and we can all do that together. 

Recently I was in need of some inspiration.  There are times where thoughts are flowing out of me when it comes to writing, and then there are other times when I am struggling to write even a sentence.  So I did the one thing that a person should always do when in need of inspiration, or something uplifting, when you are weary, and when you are even looking for hope.  This is, of course, to look towards the Bible.  I looked through some cards I have of different verses that are from the Bible.  A verse that I found is Romans 12:12, “Rejoice in Hope, be patient in affliction, be persistent in prayer.”  I have read this verse many times, but tonight when I read this, it made my heart happy.  It felt good to think about hope, and I knew that was what I wanted to write about for my next blog post.    

It is finally spring here in Iowa, and the weather is starting to get really warm.  This means that we are now pretty much out of the yucky and cold winter.  (Sorry if there are any readers that really enjoy winter, but also what the heck are you thinking?!)  This is the perfect time to have hope.  There are many who are getting a lot of seasonal depression while dealing with the pain and suffering of the winter months, besides maybe what else may be going on in their personal lives.  I know that I personally receive a bit of seasonal depression, especially when the sun is only out a short amount of time in the day, and it is too cold to appreciate it. I hope that like the weather outside, many of your lives are improving, and you are starting to feel the sun, getting fresh air, and increasing your overall joy.  

One of my favorite stories that is not found in the Bible would have to be Pandora’s box.  Do I believe this really happened? No, I don’t believe in any God but our God, but this story is just an interesting tale and legend.  I won’t retell the whole story, but essentially Pandora was not supposed to open this box, but her curiosity got the best of her, and she ended up opening the box anyway.  The horrible things that are in this world such as greed, hunger, envy, hatred, poverty, war, and death flew out of the box and into the world.  While Pandora was very upset at seeing all these evil things in the world that are now released onto the humans, she would look back into her box and see that there was hope still at the bottom.. It was beaten and weak, plus a little scared, but there it was and she released the hope spirit into the earth.  She knew that if the humans at least had that hope, they would be able to look to something to get them through all the evils now in the world. 

While again I don’t believe this story, I do believe that it is awesome, and it is something that God more or less did.  He didn’t have a box, but he knew that if we as humans were going to be able to live through some of the terrible pieces of life and the things that Satan tries to fight against us, then we are going to need something to keep us going.  That item and thing that we would need is hope.   Satan would rather have us have no hope.  If we had no hope, there is pretty much nothing positive, encouraging, or happy to work or look towards.  When people have just a little bit of hope to look forward to or believe in, then they are more likely to keep going. 

The thing about hope, especially in our Christian world is the hope that we have in the Lord.  This is brought up many times throughout the Bible.  This of course, includes when we are downcast, and we are upset or in a bad place like in Psalm 42:11, “Why my soul, are you so downcast?  Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, Put your hope in God, for I will praise him.”  The Lord is also the main thing that will give us hope and strength.  In Isaiah 40:31 it says, “But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.”  Lastly, looking to the Lord for hope also gives us joy.   Romans 15:13 says, “May the God of hope fill you with joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”

If you are right now in a place where you don’t know anything to hope for, I hope you can remember the one thing in the heavens that is always present and good that provides the strength, uplift, and joy.  There is one other verse that I read that should be able to give anyone hope.  That is Isaiah 54:10, “‘Though the mountains move and the hills shake, my love will not be removed from you, and my covenant of peace will not be shaken,’ says your compassionate Lord.”  The Lord will never stop loving you.  You can rest in the hope of the Lord that no matter what happens in the world, the Lord will never leave you. 

I have recently been very confused and feel like I have been led astray.  Anyone ever feel like that?  If you haven’t, good for you.  Maybe you have lived your whole life being willing to go with whatever life throws at you.  I wish that would be me.  I wish that I cared more about being willing to go with whatever the Lord wanted for me.  However, I am often here wondering what is next.  Lately, I have been struggling to understand my future.  I love my teaching job, but I just don’t know how long I will be in this teaching position.  This has gotten me questioning the Lord, so I knew that I had to go right into writing this blog post.  

When I was a kid, I had definitely made a timeline for myself.  We all do, don’t we.  We can all make plans and dreams that are very good, but at the same time can if we are not careful, close us off from other things that are in the world.  When I was a kid, my first dream was to be a singer.  I was going to be a huge pop star, and I was going to have a million fans.  Then maybe I would even become a movie star and be in blockbuster films.  (Granted, I probably really didn’t know the term, blockbuster when I was a kid).  When I grew older and was in high school, I dreamed of writing books.  (Ok, that is definitely still there for me to this day. )  I was originally going to go to college to study journalism, however, I would change my mind by the time I got to college and instead study education.  While I was in college studying to become a teacher, there was also a growing passion in me for anti-human trafficking work. If you have read a lot of my blogs or know me personally, you will know that is still a deep passion for me.  I still have some of those dreams I had while I was growing up, but they are always changing which is a good testament that I should not be the one that is in charge of my destiny, at least not fully.  

A very classic verse of knowing and trusting in God’s perfect plan is Jeremiah 29:11.  That verse says, “‘For I know the plans I have for you’ Declares the Lord.  ‘Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.;’” If you have ever felt as though God’s plan is not going the exact place you want, God has a better plan than even you could plan.  I know that it is something that I have said in my blogs many times, and there are many other places where this has been written and spoken of, but it is always a good reminder.   We all have a plan for our lives, and then it may end up not being the way we originally expected.  It can be so painful to watch the lives that we believe that we want pass us by.  

A hymn that I have discovered recently through singing in church is called, “Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.”  This is a great hymn to listen to as well as to sing, especially when you feel you need to trust more in God.  The chorus goes something like,“Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him! How I’ve proved Him o’er and o’er; Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus! Oh, for grace to trust Him more!”  I don’t always want to trust God.  It is definitely hard to trust God more than to trust myself.  The best part is that God gives us more and more grace in order to trust him more and more, so even when there are moments you believe that you can’t trust God, his Holy Spirit and the grace that is living amongst us will help us to trust him.  It does not have to be solely on our own. 

One other song that is important to look at in regards to giving God control is the song of “Control” by Tenth Avenue North.  This song is a great example of a surrendering song.  The chorus line goes something like this, “God You don’t need me, But somehow You want me, Oh, how You love me, Somehow that frees me, To open my hands up, And give You control, I give, You control.”  How powerful is that.  The Lord doesn’t need us at all.  He can do everything he could ever want without our presence, but he chooses to love us and care for us anyway.  Therefore because he chooses to love us, the only thing that we should be focused on is giving him the complete love and service that he is owed back to him.  

I don’t know God’s plan. I don’t know if he will have me live in a small town in Iowa forever, or if he will have me be a missionary in Asia.  I can’t tell you if he will have me get married, or if he will have me be single for the rest of my life.  I can’t tell you anything of what my future holds, except for one thing and that is that God loves me.  While I have been struggling to understand what the future holds and while I am trying to figure out who I am, I was reminded that I didn’t need to have that all figured out if I had someone out there for me.  Ultimately my main future is spending eternity with him, and I guess that is the only one that matters.  If any of you have felt this way recently, I challenge you to remember that the time here is very short, the eternity is what we need to look to.  

I would love to say that I am a selfless person, and I spend a lot of time thinking about others, but the truth of the matter is that I am often thinking about myself.  I am often thinking about what I can best do to make myself happy and do the things that I really enjoy.   I would say that I can be a thoughtful person, where I am thinking of things that can make others feel better with different kinds of snacks or cards, but when it starts to get really hard and I am really tired, I can often put others feelings away.  I guess another way of saying that is when the going gets tough it is hard for me to think of others.  

Philippians 2:3-4 describes perfectly how to be selfless.  “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.  Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others” A big piece of these two verses describes that when we love and value others more than ourselves, we are more interested in asking them questions about them and to try to figure out things the things that make them happy and bring them joy.  If anyone knows me, they know that I really love the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman.  I love trying to figure out what kind of love language a person is, so that way I can best love that person.  If they are a person who enjoys getting little cards or gifts (tip-that’s my love language :)) then I want to show love to a person in that way.  

Another verse that the Bible talks about being selfless is Galatians 5:13 which says, “For you, brothers, were called to freedom; but do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh. Rather, serve one another in love. You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.”   One should definitely serve and to think of others as more importantly than themselves. The Lord has chosen you to be someone who is free that then works to make others free.  This also goes into a big way of being selfless is through being willing to serve one another.   I know those are the times when it can be the hardest.  It can be hard to spend time thinking about serving one another when our lives seem so chaotic and hard, but it is also in those moments when others truly see God and feel his love.  

Both of these verses also mentioned being humble.  Again, this is because one will struggle to care more about others if they are more focused on themselves.  This can, however, lend itself to the belief that “you are such a good person” and are serving so many others that then you feel as though you are on a pedestal above everyone else.   That can be easy to do, right.  If I am honest, there are times when I have done a lot of good deeds, that I am thinking highly of myself.  This is not being selfless at all, but rather it is just being selfish that looks a bit more selfless.  A person should have the desire of helping or loving the other person without any reward.  When you believe that you deserve better than others, then you are less likely to be selfless towards them.  

The golden rule is another good example of being selfless, and it is actually based on a verse from the Bible and that is from Luke, in 6:31. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  We need to be willing to treat others the way that we would want to be treated.  I have written a blog post about this verse or this command a long time ago.  It was probably one of my very first blog posts where I tried to challenge myself as well as everyone reading that we are supposed to treat people the way that we want to be treated, not necessarily treating them the way that we actually are treated.  We are often not treated by others the way that we want to be treated, through maybe being yelled at, made fun of, or ignored.  

Recently, my mom got me a prayer journal that has one write down a few prayer requests from the day, what they are thankful for, and then one act of kindness that is supposed to be completed within the day.  While at first, this drove me insane, I have found that this was a good way to keep me constantly thinking about what I can do for others.  There would be some days when I would stare at that question for quite a few minutes, and I would think about skipping it.  I don’t know what I can do for someone today, I am already doing so many other different things and am going to be so busy.  However, I have seen how this question has helped me think of others on a regular basis.  This has helped me start to notice the things that people say in regards to needing help or needing some kind of encouragement.   I believe that this is going to be something that I do on a regular basis even after I finish the prayer journal.  This is something that I believe can be beneficial for a lot of people, so I do highly recommend that you think about something you start to adapt in your own personal life. 

Recently I was watching the Try Guys which is a Youtube group that tries different things and makes videos over them.  They have definitely inspired me to be more risk taking and confident in trying new and different things.  One of the Try Guys, Ned and his wife Ariel put out a video about their new cookbook they were making as well as the process that goes into making a cookbook.  It was a big production, and it was definitely bigger than either one of them expected.  One thing was the picture taking production.  They had professional photographers getting great and different angles of the food.  They even had a food stylist who would go in with tweezers and other little tools to make the food look completely perfect.  

Like a lot of different items that inspire my blog, this struck me.  How many times have I and others like me attempted to make the food that is online or is in a cookbook, and it ends up not looking just as perfect as the picture.  This could be with things other than with food.  We can try to look as pretty or as skinny as many of the models that are in magazines and on the computer, and never feel like we can measure up.  Ignore the fact that most of their pictures have been edited and have been airbrushed.  Granted, they are beautiful girls, like we all are, but they have had something done to make them look as close to the standard of beauty as can be. 

I think where this really means a lot to me is when I get into my head that no one else struggles.  There are times when I believe that other Christians never get angry or swear or skip a quiet time.  When the truth of the matter is, I know that can’t be true.  The only one who has ever been perfect as a human was Jesus, so I know that even though others may seem perfect, they aren’t.   I have recently really struggled with this as I have been struggling in school.  There have been many times I get impatient with my students, and I often think that if I was a kinder and a better teacher, then I wouldn’t ever get impatient, and I would handle every situation perfectly.  

The other thing about Jesus was that he was perfect, so that no one else had to worry about being completely perfect.  Jesus made it through his life with all the temptations, hurt, anger, and was able to without sinning for 33 years.  Then he died on the cross for the sins that he did not commit.  However, God also loves us.  He loves us more than anything else.  That is why he died for us.  He knew that it was the only way to save us.  We don’t have to be perfect and try to earn our way to heaven.  In 1 Timothy 1:15 it says, “Here is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance: Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst.”  I am not saying here that I am the worst or you as my reader is the worst.  Paul was writing this to Timothy, and if any of you know Paul’s story, you know that at one time, he was kind of the worst.  He killed many Christians or at least had a major part in killing mass amounts, yet Jesus came into his life and he became the biggest Christian missionary in history.  Even then on the days that we feel like we are the worst or we feel as far from the best, we should remember that God came to save that person and therefore can also save us.   

Yes this doesn’t mean we should try to be imperfect.  This doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try to grow closer to the Lord everyday.   However, it is also important that we become ok with not being perfect and with being just ourselves with a holy God that loves us.  Later Paul would also write in the book of Philippians to the church in Philippi that, “Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”  (3:12).  Paul is very aware that he is not perfect, but he wants to continue to grow closer and closer to Christ because that would develop his relationship with God and that will ultimately bring him more joy and more fulfillment.  He doesn’t want to do this in order to look better to the world but only to look better to God.    

It is alright to be the food that is made without the food designer.  It is alright to be the unfiltered picture that has a few flaws.  It is alright to be the man or woman who makes a mistake.  The Lord loves the mess that is created by the common hands. The Lord died for us all when he died on the cross, and he died so we would have a close relationship with him.  You don’t have to be considered perfect to everyone, but just go out there and try to be as close to the Lord as you can.  Be the most beautiful you that you can be and that in the end will be the representation for the Lord. 

I wanted to let you know that my bathroom sink is kind of plugged.  It takes longer to drain.  I have thought about calling my landlord, but I am afraid of sounding annoying.  Mom says that we should invest in a sink snake, but I would also be nervous to run that on my own.  I know that on a usual basis, you would take a look or talk me through what I could do first.  You were all about helping me with those things, and I know that you would have loved (as much as one can love) helping me get my sink back to the way it is supposed to be.  It is going to be hard for me to talk through these little house problems with anyone but you.  It is almost summer which means that I am also going to have to fill my bike tires with air.  I know that last year I called you and we talked for a long time, so you could help walk me through how to pump up my bike tires with my car pump. I am very hopeful that I will be able to do it on my own this year.  I wouldn’t really know who else to call.  

I have almost made it through my second year of teaching.  You haven’t been here for any of my second year stories.  It has definitely been a hard year.  We have had online students, students (almost a whole class at once) in quarantine, and even mask mandates in the classroom.  It is so much fun trying to get middle and high school students to wear masks throughout the day.  (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in heaven, papa, because it is there).  I was also the speech coach this year.  Some highlights are that my Reader’s Theatre group went to state, and I had two kids get straight 1s at individual state.  I also learned how to keep the stats book at basketball, and I actually really enjoyed doing it.  I bet you would have thought that was cool because you were always interested in sports, and you most definitely liked basketball more than me.   I can only imagine how many times I would have called you to give you these updates if you had been alive this year.  

When I had my first day of school, I cried so hard because I didn’t get to call you and tell you how it went.  I do have reminders of you in my room though.  I have a picture from when you and I went to the UNI football game and the painting I made you as a Vietnam Veteran.  Many students have asked about those things, and I have gotten the chance to talk about the great papa you were.  I hope that I make you proud papa.  There are often times when I will wonder if you are in heaven really watching all the different things that I am doing. If you are taking time from the constant parties and worship with the Lord to check in on those who are down below.  Whenever I make a decision, yes I want to make sure that I am pleasing the Lord, but now I am also concerned that I am making you happy as you are there watching from above.  

I wanted to let you know that I can at times be more emotional and sensitive.  Now, I know you are shocked to hear this because you thought I was emotional as a young kid and even in college.  However, I would say that I have tried to not cry over everything as much these last few years.   I have found myself crying at times very unexpectedly.  I will think of something about you papa, and I will just find myself with a hole in my heart and tears coming down my face.  (You may find this really hard to believe, but my mom is the same way.  Don’t tell her I told you, but she is kind of sappy now.  She loved you a lot, even when she wasn’t always the most emotional of a person).  I don’t hate this being emotional, though, because I do think this helps me realize and appreciate the relationships that I do have and to remember that I don’t know how long I will have them in the future.  

I have learned how to be better with people who are going through grief since you have died, papa.  I understand how much it can hurt, as well as how long.  I understand now that the pain never really ends but it can come in waves.  I remember how much it meant to me when people came and spent time at your visitation and now most recently, my aunt Rhonda’s visitation.  It also again meant so much when people checked in.  Because of this, I have learned to do that with others as well.  I have learned that this should be past the initial week of the event.  While people may need you very much so in that first week when tragedy happens, they also may need you in the weeks and the months that follow.  When everything becomes quiet again, that is when grief can strike very heavily and that is when I need to remember to also be there for my friends and family who are going through grief.  I hope that since you have died, I have learned how to be a more selfless, and caring person about those who are around me and to be more empathetic as I know that someone is struggling through grief.  

I also hope that you have been able to talk to Aunt Rhonda and play with Kaiser.  Please say that you are giving Kaiser scratches from us.  We have missed doing that for him terribly.  We do have a new dog, though, and his name is Rollins.  We named him that after you and Rhonda, since your name is Robert and her name is Rhonda Lynn, we thought it would go well together.  I had so much to tell you, so I am very happy that I have this blog post and an opportunity to write to tell you everything.  I know that you can’t really read these words, but this made me feel as though you could.  

I know that for those reading this blog post that it was a little more personal, so thank you double time for everyone who read my words to my grandpa.  It means a lot to me.  I wish my grandpa could read this letter.  These are all the things that I had been wanting to talk to him.  However, I know that there are many others who have been hurting or are grieving a loss.  Maybe this is even a loss that happened a long time ago.  I do want to give you a reminder that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  (Psalm 34:18).  Losing my grandpa has forever changed me as a person, and it would be wrong for me to ignore both the challenges and growth that has come from this life event.  Whatever painful event you have gone through, I also hope that you take the time to reflect on the growth that is being made. 

This past year my word of the year has been joy.  I have been trying to focus more and more on finding joy in all situations.  Every night, I write down one to two things that I found filled me with joy over the following day.  A few days ago, as the weather was getting nicer, I was noticing that I was hearing singing birds outside my apartment or on my walks to school.  This would make me smile, because it reminded me that spring was upon us, and it is nice hearing nature right outside of your door.  I definitely wrote this down as something that has filled me with joy one of the evenings, and it inspired me to dig a little deeper into what it would be like to develop an attitude of a songbird.   

Obviously, we can’t be like actual birds, we are meant to be humans.  But I do believe that songbirds have a joyful heart and mindset that we as humans can learn from. This then inspired me to write this down as a blog post, and I also hope that it inspires you as well.  (It also inspired me to paint the painting at the bottom of this blog entry.)  The beautiful thing about birds is that they sing, obviously.  They sing very beautifully, and they are a delight to listen to.  Do you ever spend time singing and just letting yourself enjoy music, including the music that you as a person can make?  I know that some of you will say that you can’t really sing, but I want to say that anytime that a person is singing, and it is from their heart filled with joy, then it is something beautiful.  This could even be a hum or whistling.  I would even say that kind words and speaking beautifully and kindly to others could also be considered a part of making delightful music.  

Have you also ever noticed how colorful and beautiful birds are? They are filled with colors of all different shades and hues. They can have multiple colors or are just one solid vibrant color.  Even a crow, which may not be considered the most beautiful, is still a solid pretty dark black.  Because of that beautiful song they are singing, birds are then beautiful on the outside.   Similar to when a person who has a good heart and cares about being kind and lovely to others, is also very beautiful on the outside.  Those are the people that others are more attracted and drawn to.  Those who are filled with joy and show it through their speaking and even singing are those who attract the ears and ultimately then the eyes of others.  

Birds sing even when the weather is not the best.  There are times in the spring when the weather is still pretty harsh, yet you will still hear those birds chirping away.  Recently my mom shared with me a song that is called, “Say I won’t,”  by MercyMe.  This is an amazing song, and it definitely makes me cry after the losses that I have experienced this year.  The chorus lyrics are as follows: “I’m gonna run, No, I’m gonna fly, I’m gonna know what it means to live, And not just be alive. The world’s gonna hear, ‘Cause I’m gonna shout.  And I will be dancing when circumstances drown the music out.  Say I won’t.”  The lyrics that hit me the hardest is definitely when it says that they are going to be dancing when circumstances drown the music out.  There are going to be more than one time in our personal lives when the world wants to take away our music, but like a songbird, we need to be able to make our own music.

Most birds, specifically birds that sing or chirp, do migrate in the winter.  This was important for me to remember as well.  Even though that may look like the birds are running away from bad situations, I like to see it as birds leaving a situation where they know it would be toxic for them to stay or would even kill them.  There are times that we can stay in situations as humans, even when they are toxic and harmful to us.  This could be in a job, a relationship, etc.  It is ok to walk away from certain situations or to walk away at least for a time.  Yes things like jobs, relationships take work, but if it is ultimately giving more defeat and despair as opposed to joy or happiness then it is one of those times when it may be best to walk away,  at least for a while.  The Lord knows when it is best to walk away, so He will definitely be open to hearing prayers asking him those questions.   

I believe the Lord uses everything to teach us a lesson, and help us grow closer to him.  These can be life experiences, people in our lives, or even pieces of nature.  I have found that items in the natural part of the world depend so heavily on God for their daily functions that their lives are simpler and less anxiety or despair filled than ours as humans can be.  This even gives way to more time to be joyful like a singing songbird.  I hope that as your year continues, you are more and more reflective about the small word of joy, and how it can better impact your overall life.  I hope that you will spend time singing and enjoying moments of music, even when the world tries so very hard to drown it out.  Eventually others will hear your singing and desire to be more and more like you.  

Again, pictured below is a painting I made of a songbird to have in my apartment.  It will serve as a reminder to me, to sing and be filled with joy as birds are.  

The Lord loves little children.  The Lord makes this very clear throughout the Bible.  The times the Lord talks about children, it is a positive interaction or a positive sentiment.  One important piece is in Matthew 19:13-14, “Then some children were brought to Him so that He might lay His hands on them and pray; and the disciples rebuked them. But Jesus said, “Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”  The Lord doesn’t just make the children leave.  He doesn’t have a desire to only be surrounded by adults.  He loves the children and wants to be with them.  He even has a desire and a place for them in heaven for eternity.  

He also uses children to teach the disciples a lesson.  Earlier in the chapter in Matthew  18:2-5, Jesus tells the disciples, “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”  The Lord reminds the disciples that while it can be easy to desire to be important in communities and high officials, it is always important to stay humble and to love everyone, even those who are smaller than you both in size, money, job title, etc.  The children being used here as an example was a great representation to teach this lesson.  Children can often be ignored in the world.  There are times when it is really hard to love them or respect them.  I know that I have moments when I really struggle to always see my students as equals to me in human dignity and respect.  (I know they can’t be my full equal in my role as a teacher, but it is important that I see them as equal in human life and love them as such).  

Therefore, it is important to think about reaching out to kids and to think of kids as important people to talk to in regards to being reached for the Kingdom of God.  Do you really want to reach kids?  Do you really want to make connections, make them laugh, and have an impact on their life?  There is one thing that I have found is the absolute best and that is through play.  You have to be willing to play, and really play.  Don’t leave your heart behind! I have found that many times kids will not care about what you have to say unless you have been willing to get to know them really well and play with them.  They will then have that relationship with you where they feel as though they can open up and share more information in conversation, and therefore you will spread the love of Christ a lot easier.    

I have definitely learned and experienced this amongst being a teacher.  There have been a few times when I have gotten the chance to shoot hoops or play a little basketball with 7th and 8th grade boys.  They may not say it directly, but I know that this means a lot to them.  They love to pick on me and will talk to me every single day in study hall.  Even though not everything is perfect, I do believe that they know I care about them because I take that time to really get to know them and give them time to play.   Hopefully then the conversations that come after will be incredibly fruitful and filled with love and wisdom.  Those conversations with kids and teens are incredibly important.  There are times when we want to think that kids are not very smart, but they can really add some great ideas and have some great thoughts and perspectives.  Don’t be afraid to learn a lesson or two from the kids or the teens that are in your lives.  

In general, it is important to remember the children in all situations.  The Lord loves children, and he wants his followers to also love children.  It can be easy to look for the adults in the room.  I know that as I was getting in my upper teens and lower twenties that I would do whatever I could to not have to engage with the children at Christmas parties, but instead talk to the adults.  While, yes it is very important to spend time with other adults and people your own age, especially when wanting to grow in fellowship with one another, there are many times that we shouldn’t forget about the young children in the room.  They will be the next generation, and they will remember the people who loved and cared for them, and that will impact their future.  This was why Jesus spent so much time loving them and caring for them while he was here on earth.  My challenge for you is to be thinking of one to two children this week that you can have an impact on and how?  What is the way that you can treat them in a very positive manner and impact their future in a positive way?  Then do that thing that you believe you are capable of in that child’s life this very week, and I hope that it will include some good quality play time. 

I was driving to church recently, and I was listening to worship music.  During a commercial break, there was a man that came on that said it was always important to have a grateful heart.  This is definitely something that I have heard before, and maybe I have even written a blog post or two about being grateful.  Therefore, nothing in this statement was too groundbreaking for me, a good reminder, but nothing I haven’t heard before.  However, then he said, not to just be grateful about what God has done, but about who he is.  This struck me and made me really think.  When I talk about being grateful with God, I usually am only focused on what he has done in my life.  While it is important to be grateful for the wonderful things that God has done in our lives, it is also important to be grateful for the characteristics that God possesses, and that he uses with his people.  This blog post is going to dive into the characteristics of God that I am incredibly grateful for.  

God is just.  God cares about justice.  When I was in college, I learned about God’s justice and how that can be a positive thing.  It can be easy to think about God’s justice as him being a judgemental and mean God who only wants to condemn and punish his people.  Yes God is a judge, but this is a benefit for us.  There is a lot of corruption and evil in the world.  We have seen that more and more throughout watching the news the last couple of years.  The Lord as a judge and as a just God cares about fixing the evil that is in the world.  I am grateful that God does care about the corruption in the world, and that he doesn’t just try to look over it as not something he has to concern himself over.  He will take care of his people and seek the justice in the world that needs to be sought.  It may not always be right away, but we can rest assured that it will be handled at some point. 

God is powerful.  He has created the entire world from the oceans, to the mountains, to the littlest of bugs and plants.  He also did that all in only a week, actually less than a week but in SIX days.  The Lord also has the power to heal, to stop wars, and to change a heart of someone who is completely evil.  There is nothing that the Lord can’t do. Luke 1:37 says, “For nothing will be impossible with God.” I can usually get into the mindset that there are certain items that are impossible and can not be done.  However, God is completely powerful and has the complete ability.  While again, I have been told that my entire life through going to Sunday school, I don’t always trust that God really can do everything.  The challenge I have for myself is to trust in God’s power more and more and to pray to him when something seems too out of reach.  

God is sovereign.  Wow, something that I believe we really need to be reminded of in 2020 and now 2021.  The world is nuts and COVID has definitely made things quite a bit more challenging and stressful.  It can be very hard to think that there is a plan.  I know that all of our personal plans have definitely taken a change in the past year.  However, God still does have a plan, and his plan has not been changed.  The Lord is working all things for his good.  Romans 8:28 even says,  “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  God loves his people and has created a loving plan for you.  If you are exhausted like I have been lately, and maybe even feel that God has forgotten about you, I do want you to be encouraged that God does have a plan and is always thinking about and loving you.  

God is faithful and God is forgiving.  God stays faithful to his people, even when we are not faithful to him.  We often will sin against God, and yet he will forgive us.  There are often so many times we will turn away from the Lord.  An older hymn says it best when it says, “Prone to wander, Lord I feel it.”  I am prone to wander away from the Lord.  I am prone to follow more and more of the world’s ways.  Yet every time that I go back to the Lord, he is still there.  He is waiting to hold me in his arms once again.  He doesn’t want me to go away from him.  It is like the son that was returning to the Father in the story of the Prodigal Son.  Not only does the Lord forgive his people, but he also removes it from his memory and sends it as far away from the east is to the West.  The Lord doesn’t keep track of all the wrongs that we have done.  We as people can often forgive, but then hold onto what the person has done wrong, so we can use it against them in the future.  The Lord has no desire to do that, he just wants to love and forgive us, so we can continually have a strong relationship with the Lord.  

God is love.  This is the last thing that I am mentioning, but it is probably the most important of the characteristics.   The Lord is love.  He is not just loving, but he is the full definition of love.  This means that he is patient, kind, self-less, continuous, and doesn’t keep count of all the wrongs that we have done.  1 John 4:7-8 discusses how God is entirely love, and people are only true Christians if they love and show love to others.  “Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”  God is the perfect example of love, and it is continuous.  You can’t lose his love, and he made a way for those to be with him for the rest of eternity.  

The Lord has done amazing things for us all.  He has blessed us in many ways.  It is very important that we thank the Lord for the amazing things he has done for us, but it is just as important that we thank the Lord for just being who he is.  Even when the world is rough and we are tired, and it can feel like there is nothing to be thankful for in the world, we can know that our God is just, powerful, sovereign, faithful, forgiving, and the full definition of love.  That is in and of itself, something that needs to be praised and that we need to have grateful hearts for.