Let it be Your Will:

I really want to write.  I want to write books that get published and have devotions that reach a lot of the world.  I love to write.  I love to get my ideas out on paper.  While I don’t always love editing, I love the opportunity to make my writing clearer and better overall for the reader. However, I’m scared and I’m confused.  I’m confused because I don’t know the best way to get my written works out there.  Who do I talk to?  How does the process work?  How long will all this work take?  Then I am scared because I don’t know who would want to read my written works.  What if what I write is just not good enough? What if no one likes what I have to say?  

I also can get overwhelmed, and I have moments where I don’t even know if I should be writing or if maybe it is just too much for me.  Best to let others do that.  It is very funny if you knew me in college and knew how I felt about writing.  I didn’t like writing at the time.  I had a professor tell me in more than a few words, that I wasn’t very good at writing papers.  He didn’t like what I had to say and he didn’t think that I was very good.  He didn’t think that I would ever be good at writing.  He tried to be nice about it, but overall, you could tell that he didn’t have much faith in my writing abilities.  He liked that I worked hard, but it just wasn’t enough.  Because he told me I wasn’t very good, I didn’t even like to write.  I would lament every time it was required of us to write a paper for class.  Then after a few years of doubt and self-pity, I had a burning desire for quite a while to start my own blog and to start writing again.  I am glad the Lord worked through my insecurity and doubt and had me start on this journey.  

It is very normal to be scared and confused.  Many of us have dreams.  Sure, we have the dreams when we are kids that we want to be a superhero, but then we grow up and we have a dream job like teaching or being a nurse or a construction worker.  Then sometimes, our dreams change, even as we continue to grow in our adulthood.  We may develop a dream that is not just about what we do every day, but what we want to achieve or what we want to experience. However, we can then be anxious of actually going for those very dreams. Something that I realized though, as I was reflecting on this was, that I am not the one who will decide whether or not I will ever write or become a successful writer, God is. If the Lord has put this desire in my heart and given me the means, I can trust that I can pursue this passion through my blog and journaling.  If the Lord opens the door for my writing to continue, then it is a part of His Will.  

When Jesus was scared of his approaching death, he reached out to the Lord. He cried out, and asked, “Lord if it be possible, take this cup away from me.  But not my will, Lord, your will.”  This was a good reminder that Jesus even submitted to the will of God.  Even the son of God, who was fully God himself, had to listen to God’s plans and follow his will, not his own will.  Jesus had to go through something incredibly painful after this, which was dying on the cross, but that ended up being the absolute best thing for humanity.  People were finally able to be saved from their sins because he followed the Lord’s Will.  

Similarly, we may have to go through trials and we may have to go through times that make us doubt ourselves and our ability. I am going to say that it is important to take time to pray to the Lord about our deepest desires, fears, anxieties, and confusions.  The Lord wants to hear this and wants to be there for us.  The Lord wants to continue developing us and using our hearts and our desires and our plans for His Kingdom.  I pray that I will continue to develop a love for writing and a love for developing my stories and thoughts.  

Dear Lord, 

Thank you for giving me the ability to write.  Thank you that you have given me the means with a laptop and a typewriter.  Thank you for giving me thoughts in my head that then turn into words on a paper or words that are printed out.  Thank you for giving me an opportunity to blog.  

Please help me to use my gifts to please you.  Please help me to remember that it was you who has given me gifts and desires.  It has been you, who has given me words and emotions that I then can include in my writing plan.  Please help me remember that wherever my writing will go or whoever will read it, it has been planned out by you.  

In the Lord’s name,  Amen