Loving yourself:

Recently I have been reading the book by Lysa Terkeurst called, “ Forgiving what you can’t forget.”  While this book definitely talks about forgiveness and how we need to forgive those who have wronged us, it also goes into how we can best heal from the pain the person has put upon us.  Because if we are honest, often the reason that we don’t forgive someone is because they have hurt us very deeply, and we can’t seem to get over that hurt. They may even bring up some pieces that we don’t like about ourselves or the pieces that we are insecure over or the general fears and anxiety/trust issues that we have from our pasts.  If we can’t heal ourselves, then we won’t be able to fully forgive the other person, and vice verses.  We won’t really be able to fully heal from past or current pain by not forgiving those who have hurt us, even if they never apologize or acknowledge how they had hurt us.  This then will make it harder for us to fully move on and become more joyful happy beings.  

There was a quote that came up in this book that said, “We can’t expect another person to carry the burden of making us feel better about who we are.  They may need to do a better job at loving us… but that’s their journey to take if they are willing.”  This really hit me.  Lately I have been struggling with insecurity and anxiety, specifically at my job as a teacher and as a speech coach.  I often feel as though I am not doing a good job.  Then if I have also been hearing the complaints and groans of students not doing a good job or not liking what they are learning about has been a bit hard to take during this last month.  (We were all like that in high school at times, weren’t we).  Therefore there is a good portion of me that is waiting and hoping for someone to give me a compliment and make me feel better about myself.  However, as this quote showed me, while that would be nice and it would be encouragement, inherently it should not be anyone else’s job to show love to me in order to make me feel better.  

If I am going to be completely honest and vulnerable like I was hoping that I would do with this blog from the beginning. When I started to get my anxiety really bad, I was also starting to hear some voices in my head.  You know the ones that tell you so many negative things about yourself, even if you have never had anxiety, most of us have heard those voices that tell you aren’t good enough, that you are not worthy of love, and that you are not enough.  These are the voices that give us a great amount of self-doubt and make us insecure.  If you have never had any of those voices or thoughts or have any idea what I am talking about, please consider that to be one entirely great blessing that you possess.  However, somewhere along the way, I really started to believe those lies that were being spoken in my head.  I am so afraid of getting into trouble for doing something wrong, because I believe that everything that I do is inherently wrong.   I started to believe that I am always the one that is evil.  This being the way that it is makes it really hard to find joy in all situations, (one of the reasons that I knew I needed to pick the word joy as my word of the year for 2021).  The more that I am believing these lies, the more and more I start to get more stressed, have anxiety, frustration, and ultimately have less joy.  

Satan is a very crafty and evil serpent.  He had a terrible idea that besides just fighting people with wars, fights, death, lies, and physical pain, he will also attack us in the one place where we should feel the most secure—our own bodies and minds.  Have you really contemplated that thought?  When struggling with anxiety, depression, or any other mental health issue, it is really your own mind fighting against you.  It isn’t someone else.  It isn’t someone else talking to you or any other voice in your head, but rather it is voices that are constructed from your own brain. Granted, there are times when other people don’t help out the situation, but at the end of the day, the mental battle here is more on a personal level.  The devil, that sneaky devil, knew how to use our wonderfully God given creation of our mind and brains to hurt us. 

There are many times that I believe there needs to be other people who should make my life easier by giving me a lot of compliments and making me feel better about myself.  However, that is really not their job.  It is my job to find love and joy in myself.  This, of course, is with the help of the Lord.   I can’t expect others to help me love myself if I am not willing to put into the work as well.  While it is nice to be encouraged and supported by others, and I do believe that this can have an impact on a person, it is very important that we don’t start to fully depend on others.  

At the end of the day, we are not responsible for anyone else’s responsibilities.  We are only ever responsible for our reactions or our actions.  We need to always be willing to love others even when they are not the ones who are showcasing how to love in the best way.  We also can’t as easily do that when we are really against the personal self.  I have noticed that when I am upset with myself, anxious or stressed about something that I am involved in, it is a lot harder to love the others that are around me.  With the Lord’s help it is my job to forgive myself from the mistakes that I make and the sins that I commit, love myself the way that he made me, and finally be able to grow as a person and love others.  I hope that if you are another person that has been struggling with mental health, hurt from others, or just simply loving or forgiving yourself, that you will be reminded that you are valuable, cared for, and loved by a Father above who also wants you to love him and yourself in order to better thrive in this world.  He does not want you to have this pain from anxiety or the voices in your head.  I am hoping and praying for you to find that joy and love, as I am hoping for that myself as well.