The definition of forgiveness according to Psychologists is as “a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”  Easier said, It is letting go of resentment and anger against someone. While this sounds very good to let go of the anger and the hurt that someone has done against oneself, it can be so hard at times to forgive those that have wronged us.  For myself, it is very hard for me to forgive someone when the person isn’t apologetic.  If they are sorry and apologize, it is very easy for me to forgive people.  This also could apply to a person who maybe still hates me or is still mad at me.  I think there are times that I feel that I can only forgive when the other person is in the same place of forgiving me as well.  

There are some great benefits, however, for forgiving.  The first one being that it is a Godly command.  God wants us to forgive our neighbors.  Ephesians 4:32 writes, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”  It can be hard to remember to love everyone, especially those who have hurt us in major ways.  However, God has forgiven us, even though we all have done something that is against him.  We have, sadly, at one time or another hurt God or a piece of God’s creation in some way.  We have most likely hurt someone’s feelings, yelled at someone, and made fun of a person who is a piece in God’s creation.  Not only did God forgive us, but he even created a plan to make us completely clean in order to go to heaven, by sending his son to die on the cross for our very sins.  These very sins that he was and is willing to forgive.  

Another benefit to forgiving someone is that it can help with our own mental state.  I know that I personally have held a grudge against someone and that only made me angry or upset when I would think, see, or hear about that person.  I was and am still the one that sometimes holds on to that negative energy when I could choose to get rid of it.  I have tried my best to learn that I need to forgive in order to help cure my soul and cure my mind.  There is a very famous saying that says, “Forgive but don’t forget.” This was a saying that I was taught when I was younger.  The idea is that I should forgive those who have hurt me but not forget the problems or the situation that happened. This isn’t done as a way to remember the bad things in order to hold this over another person, but as a way to learn from the negative situation and problem whilst still forgiving the person that was a part of that situation.  

The other thing is the relationships that could be repaired and created amongst forgiveness.  For example, Joseph in the Bible was able to forgive his brothers after they sold him into slavery.  He was even able to find it in his heart to help them survive by giving them a surplus of food while the nation of Egypt was in a drought and famine.  Joseph then says, “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”  Joseph could even see that even though he was hurt by his brothers, it was a part of God’s plan.  He became the second most important person in Egypt after the Pharaoh and saved multiple lives by creating a plan through the famine.  I am not saying that it is always going to be easy to forgive those that have hurt us.  It will definitely be hard to start thinking about those things as blessings as opposed to curses.  I am not going to be here to ever say that it is something that is easy and something that we can do easily.  However like all pieces of our lives, God uses those experiences even with people who have wronged us for our own good.  

There are a few people personally right now that I am struggling to forgive.  There has been quite a bit of pain that has been put on my family and myself this past year, and I am struggling to forgive those people who have caused that pain.  However, God may have used those situations for my good.  I just don’t know it yet.  I hope this is an encouragement to anyone who also has someone or something they are struggling to forgive.  It isn’t easy, and I don’t think that anyone finds it easy.  However, God is in complete control and will work all things for his good.  He also shows us the best example of forgiveness when he forgives us.  We can continue to follow his example.

The year 2020 for me, like most of you in the world, has been very rough.  It has definitely been the longest year of my life.  A little less than two months ago, I lost my grandpa, and now my dog, Kaiser of 4 years, was hit by a car and has passed away.  I am so defeated and worn out from this year and especially from these past two months.   I am grateful though for the time that I had with Kaiser, and I am also so happy and blessed to have this blog space where I can write from my heart about my dear dog.  

Kaiser was the kindest dog that a person could ever meet.  He was never angry.  He was only happy and full of love.  This was for anyone that came in the door.  He was often one of the dogs that I would go to when I was the most upset.  He could always make me smile, and there are so many videos and pictures that I have of him that make me laugh.  I know that for both me and my parents, we have a Kaiser sized hole in our heart as we mourn the loss of this great dog.  

The second part of the verse in Job 1:21 says, “The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.”  I think there are often many times, for myself included, that I think about God as taking things away.  He took my grandpa from me, and he has now taken my dog from me.  I don’t always focus on that first part.  The Lord gave me my grandpa and in particular MY grandpa, not with the personality or love as anyone else’s grandpa.  He then gave me my dog Kaiser with the wonderful personality that he had.  He gave me such great blessings, and although it hurts so much, it was time for them to be taken away.  

I am not going to make it sound like I accepted this right away.  I won’t deny that when I heard about Kaiser, I threw a temper tantrum.  I was like a child yelling at a parent about their favorite toy being taken from them, or a high schooler having their phone taken away by a teacher.  (I’ve seen that a few times before, being a teacher).  I swore and cursed.  I screamed, and started to punch the wall.  I also am really struggling with my anger at the person who hit my dog.  This isn’t because I think it is all their fault, but I am mad that they didn’t stop and they didn’t say anything.  I am struggling a lot, and I never want to make it sound like I never feel these different emotions, but I don’t know what I would do if I was dependent on God during this time. 

This is also a reminder to me that I shouldn’t take anything for granted.  Less than two months ago, on August 9th my grandparents, including my papa, were at my house scratching and loving my dog Kaiser.  Less than two months later, those two are both gone from me.  This changed my life quickly.  However, this is a reminder for me to never take for granted the dear friends, students, family members, and my other two dogs that I have in my life.  They have all been given to me by God.  I don’t know when he will need them back, but I want to make sure that I loved and appreciated them for the time that I had them.  

There are so many verses about being grateful that I have shared in the past, but another one is Psalm 1:9, “I will give thanks to you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all your wonderful deeds.” I need to always remember to love everything that I have been given and thank God for them.  I was given such a wonderful papa and a wonderful, loving dog.  I had that dog for four years as he made me laugh and smile.  I still have the best mom and dad, loving grandmothers, aunts and uncles, a job with students that I love with my whole heart, and two other loving dogs at my parent’s house.  I will continue to sing praise to God, even through this intense pain.  

Kaiser was so full of energy, and he loved to exercise.  He loved to run, and he would often go on runs with my mom.  My only hope now is that he is running around in heaven.  I hope that he is spending time with my grandpa, and that my grandpa is giving him some scratches for me.  I also hope that he is running around and spending a lot of time with everyone, maybe even Jesus.  I have to imagine that Jesus would have loved my dog. He would know that he was a special one. I hope that he is jumping and sniffing everything that is up there.   I loved you Kaiser, and I always will.  Be in peace up there, buddy.

The picture below was taken last December by my papa of me and my dog Kaiser.

Recently, I have been asked by a few people if I have lost weight.  It’s a pretty great feeling even if I don’t know if I have really lost weight.  One thing that I wanted to mention first is that I didn’t necessarily try to lose weight this year.  My main goal after last year after having another knee surgery was getting back into shape.  I just wanted to be able to do the things that I could before I had the knee surgery.  I wanted to work out full throttle again.  Because I had been down for so long, I understood how great it is to be up and doing exercise again and therefore I was grateful and hungry for the opportunity.  

Then this year at the beginning of 2020, I set some fitness and health goals.  I never set out to lose a set amount of weight.   I wanted to be able to run 750 miles, squat 150-160 pounds (which I have achieved this year already) and bench 110-120 pounds.  I also made a goal to start cooking enough for two meals, so I try to eat less at supper time in order to save some food for lunch the next day or supper the next night.  (I hate cooking, so I am trying to do it less). Because of this, I have been working throughout the year on these goals.  I never thought about losing a single pound.  I never thought about counting calories, restricting myself on foods, and how many calories I had to burn each workout.  I am exercising by fulfilling my goals, and trying to eat less at supper.  

I have also learned that I just love exercising! I know, there are not a lot of people who say that.  However, I have found that I obviously love running and biking, (these were things that I already did know, of course,) but I have also rediscovered in this last year how much I love lifting weights.  I really especially love leg day.  I love doing squats because I feel strong and powerful, and I love the feeling I get when I get done with a long and hard workout.Therefore working out is a time for me to de-stress, play my music really loud, and do something I really enjoy.  It is always important, therefore to find those exercises that a person really enjoys.  I can not tell a person to start running for working out if that is something that person really hates.  

Another thing was that I just started to have a lot more confidence.  I had accepted this year how I looked.  Would I have liked to change a few things about my body, absolutely, but I learned to accept and love myself just as I am.  This reminds me of the verse from Psalm 139:13, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.”  God took time to create each and every one of us, so therefore we are completely unique, beautiful, and loved.  He didn’t just chop us together, but he specifically made decisions about how we look.  I started to realize that I was different and unique.  I started to realize that I was beautiful in my own way, and I started to walk around like I was unique.  Even if I hadn’t lost any weight or inches, I may just seem more confident and therefore better.  

Therefore, my best advice and piece of wisdom that I want to give anyone out there who may want to lose weight is to first decide to make lifestyle changes.  It is important to try to find the exercises that you really enjoy.  This could be running like myself.  This could be lifting.  This could even be kickboxing.  (I have many friends who have really enjoyed doing this exercise).  Make this something that you look forward to everyday, and that is maybe even stress-relieving.  Are there going to be days when this is hard and don’t want to work out? Absolutely, but at the same time, there will still be an overall desire to keep improving every time that you go to exercise.  

The next thing is to set fitness or health goals.  Have a goal to take care of your body.  The Lord created your body, and like in all things, he does want us to take care of it.  In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” It should not just be about losing certain pounds, but rather about eating right, exercise, and living the right away.  I am not saying that one can’t set a weight loss goal, but it is more about taking care and loving yourself.  

My last piece of advice is for you to realize that you are fearfully and wonderfully made by the one and only God of the universe.  That is definitely something to celebrate and love about yourself.  No matter what size you are, no matter if you are heavier set or lighter set, God loves you just the way that you are.  This confidence will help impact your working out and eating goals as well, I promise!

Since I have become a teacher, I have started to notice the stereotypes that follow many teachers in television and movies, specifically in teen shows and movies.  They may seem as though they are the mean adults that sometimes work hard to ruin the main character (a high schooler’s life).  Why does it seem as though there are so many of these bad examples of teachers out there in pop culture? Why does it seem that teachers are often the villains as opposed to the helper for the protagonists?  Granted, I understand that this is for comedic value, but I still can’t help but think about how this stereotype may sometimes impact teachers and students relationships.  

This is something that really started to bother me.  I guess it is because I am now a second year teacher, and I don’t like the idea of being seen as a villain in children’s shows. The teacher in the shows often tries to keep the students in line through detentions and multiple punishments while not trying to understand all of the problems that are happening with those students in regard to relationships, friendships, and familial problems.  As a teacher I want to be able to connect and be there for my students.  I want to try to understand their problems even if I really don’t understand their problems.  I don’t want to be seen as a villain to my students. I want to be seen as the teacher that will support and love my students, especially when they are struggling through something.  

This also often reminds me of the verse, Colossians 3:12 which states, “Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience.”  This is a very simple verse, but it is great to discuss the big words that are in it.  It is good to genuinely love kindness.  Yes, I do believe that there are times that it can come in tough love.  I work with high schoolers, so there are definitely moments when I know they can be better then they are sometimes showcasing.  However, that doesn’t mean that tough love should come all the time.  There needs to be the moments of showing kindness and really taking the time to know and care to my students. 

I should also want to show compassion in every way that I can.  I think the way that I can show this is through really listening to my students.  Sometimes, they are going to have problems that I am not going to think are that big of a deal, but it will be a big deal to them.  They may be going through a dramatic problem that I may find silly, but it is very real and painful to them.  It is hard for me at times to remember what it was like to be a teenager and in high school (even though it really wasn’t that long ago).  However that will be the main way that I can best create good relationships with my students.  

Humility is something that is often lacking in our society, and definitely through people that are in charge.  I don’t always have to be right.  In the teenager’s shows, the teacher character hardly ever admits they are wrong.  They always put on an air of being right.  This will never create a good relationship between teacher and student.  Another thing is that the teacher needs to be willing to serve their students.  This can be through obviously looking to help them with their homework, even if it isn’t the homework that it is for your class.  I may not know everything that there is to know about other subjects, but I know enough to where I can help them.  

Patience is another great virtue to have as a teacher and in really any profession. This can be hard because I am sometimes dealing with students who are giving an attitude or are not listening to me.  However, I have found that keeping my cool with my students, while hard, creates the best situation.  Also, it is not necessary to fight every battle.  Even if it is not necessarily something that you like or want in a classroom, there are just some situations and some times where it is just not worth the fight of your rules to fight with the student. There are times that you also need to know that it is not always you, and that there are some stressful situations that just make a student act not like themselves.  

The best example of a teacher in a show though, I believe was Mr. Feeny in Boy meets World.  This show was one of my favorites growing up.  Even though Mr. Feeny every once in a while was the character that was getting the gang of teenagers in trouble and was seen as crabby, old teacher. However,  there was never a doubt in his student’s minds that he didn’t care about them. That is why we see him go from their middle school teacher, all the way up to teaching them in college.  The show wanted to make sure that they showcased his relationship with the students all the way up.  Mr. Feeny knew how to be patient with his students when they made mistakes and got an answer wrong, but he still knew how to push them to be the best people they could possibly be.  He got to know their interests and was always willing to help them with any situation that they could possibly run into.  The main point of this blog is that if you are an educator or work with people of any kind, it is always important to be like Mr. Feeny and follow Colossians 3:12.  

Recently I was given a coloring book that includes verses, and this is how I was reminded of the beautiful verse of Psalm 42:2 that says, “My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.”  This verse is beautiful, and it also serves as a big reminder as to how we should live our life.  This reminds me to ponder the reasons that I am a Christian.  Is it because I was told that it was the right path by my family, and I don’t want to upset them?  Is it because I feel as though I will only be a good person if I am a Christian? Or have I decided to become a Christian because I love God that much?  That should be the main reason that I am a Christian, not for any of the false reasons that I listed before.  This is something that I need to spend more time pondering and reflecting on.   

This verse reminded me of one of my all time favorite books, “Desiring God,” that also happens to be by one of my favorite authors of John Piper. I really truly believe that this book changed me and especially how I viewed Christianity.  Don’t get me wrong, I have always loved going to church.  I would often be the one making sure my mom and I went as opposed to the other way around. When I went to college, I knew that I wanted to be a part of a college ministry. However, there were times that I feel I really only wanted to be a part of this Christian ministry because it is the only thing that I have ever known and done.  Then I read this book, and I was reminded that God is my first love.  Being a Christian is more than just following rules and going to church.  It is more about serving and honoring a God that loves me unconditionally. The quote that really stuck with me is, “God is most glorified when you are most satisfied in him.”  God doesn’t just want us to read the Bible because we have to but because we want to.  This would be like if we are giving someone a present for their birthday and then telling them that we only got it for them because we felt we had to as opposed to finding something we knew they would enjoy and thinking of them enough to buy it for their birthday.  

What are some ways that a person should know that they are thirsting for the Lord?  One way to show this thirsting for the Lord is through praise.  Worship music is a great chance to let the lyrics and music allow you to honor the glory and the majesty of the Lord.  I will be honest that I am not the best at always listening to worship music.  There are many times that I would rather listen to pop and rap music.  However, I have found that through this time of sorrow of everything that has happened in 2020, I need that worship music to remember the good and consistency of God, even when the world is not.  There is another psalm that really captures the essence and the importance of worship songs and that is Psalm 100:2, “Worship the Lord with gladness; come before him with joyful songs.”  This idea of praise can also, of course, be shown through our time of prayer.  It can be very easy to pray for the things that we want, but it is incredibly important that we spend time in prayer praising God for all the great work that he has done in the world and in our lives.  

Another thing that shows the thirst for God is our love for God’s word. Yes, we can read God’s word without pure love.  I have definitely done this.  I have, at times, read God’s word out of duty as opposed to the pure love of it.  Reading the Bible is something that I try to dedicate to everyday but at the same time it is important to remember that you are reading the word of God, and that is completely special.  Something I have found is that for me personally I actually do like to do my Bible study in the morning before I go to school.   I think the reason for this is that in the morning I am so much more ready to learn and take in information. When I get back home from teaching, I am not very motivated to learn or to read.  I am more interested in watching T.V and listening to music.  Therefore setting aside that time in the morning has helped me remember to love God and his word! I am reading the word of God. 

The beautiful thing about this concept is that there aren’t really any rules.  The rules, the regulations, and the tasks that many Christians do such as reading the Bible, going to church, worship songs, and prayer is incredibly important, my whole concept is that there is a thirsting for God that can be different for each person. We are going to make mistakes.  We are going to have ups and downs.  However, it will be so much better to grow from the grace and the pure love of God if we really, really, really desire to know and love God.  

A few weeks ago, I talked about how my grandpa, papa, passed away.  This was something that was really hard for me.  The weekend after was really hard, especially because it was so unexpected. However, something I tried to do that first weekend was remember some of the good times I had with my papa.  (That was also why I made sure to write my blog about my papa right away).  I tried really hard and was fairly successful to stay grateful and joyful, even amidst my personal tragedy.  I  even found a t-shirt of mine that my mom gave me that said, “Today, I am grateful.”  I made sure to wear it that weekend to serve as a reminder to stay grateful for what I had with my papa as well as the many things that I still have.  

The Bible has quite a few verses, specifically in the Psalms that state to “give thanks to the Lord…”   Psalm 118:1 is one of those verses that says, “Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.” What a beautiful and simple verse! There are times that I believe I get to thinking about all the things that I want from the Lord.  I want him to cure me of my anxiety, I want my family to heal, I want some people I know that aren’t Christians to become Christians.   Now I do believe that God loves to hear these deep thoughts of ours.  He wants to know where our heart is and what the desires of our hearts are, but at the same time , we should always be aware of the things that the Lord has already done for us, and the surplus of objects that he has given us.  

In college, I was challenged to write down five things that I am grateful for everyday in a journal.  I started writing these down in a little black journal that is solely filled with dates and the five things that I am grateful for that day.  I developed the mentality of, “If God took away everything you didn’t thank him for, what would you lose?”  This has made me think of a lot of things that I am thankful for, even when they are really, really, small things, and the things that I take for granted on a daily basis.  I one time wrote down that I was thankful for water bottles.  This, of course, also includes big things such as thanking him for a successful surgery and my family members.  

There has been quite a bit of research that has shown that gratitude can definitely improve psychological health as it can help decrease depression and stress as well as help sleep better at nights.  Because one is thinking about how blessed they are or the things that they are grateful for, there are less of the problems plaguing one’s society laying on the mind.  I am not here to say that writing down things you are grateful for will cure anxiety and depression, but it is something that has helped many people to work through their anxiety and depression. Besides that, there is more research being done to see if being grateful will increase a person’s physical wellbeing.  The science isn’t out yet, so I can’t say that keeping a grateful journal will help people become physically healthy, but there is some connection that research has found that says those who keep a grateful journal have reduced stomach aches, nausea, frequently less headaches, and clearer skin.  

Similarly to being grateful, the Lord tells us many times throughout the Bible that we are to be filled with joy.  Many times people want to assume that joyfulness is the same thing as happiness.  I would argue that while happiness is an emotion that is similar to joyfulness, it is not the same thing.  The joy we have in the Lord is not even comparable to worldly happiness.  Happiness is easily persuaded.  We aren’t always happy or in a good mood.    Being joyful is a daily choice that isn’t always easy. This joy isn’t filled with things of this world, but rather what the Lord has provided for us. 1 Samuel 2:1A says, “The Lord has filled my heart with joy; I feel very strong in the Lord.”  Again, when my grandpa died,  I couldn’t stop crying, and I was definitely not “happy,” in a traditional sense.  However, God has filled me up with everlasting joy.  This joy includes my love for my grandpa.  That joy stayed even as I was in deep sorrow.   

My challenge for you this week, (whatever week you are reading this) is to try to write down five things that you are grateful for.  This can be done in the morning, right before bed, during lunch, whenever.  This can also be a list of notes in your phone, in a journal, a sheet on the fridge, anywhere.  Maybe you will discover that this exercise is one that you really enjoy and start to make this your own healthy daily habit.  Gratefulness can uplift our spirits and keep up the joy that we have in Christ alive and well in our bodies.  I pray that you will find a great deal of gratefulness, and the Lord will continue to fill your heart with Joy.  

Harmony is important, and this is something that seems to be lacking in the world today. It seems to me that all people see on the internet and on the television is people not living in harmony with anyone, specifically those of opposing political or religious views.  I believe because of that, there is a great importance of looking at our word, Harmony.  I usually consider myself a pretty harmonious person.  When I took my strengthsfinder survey, I received Harmony as my third highest strength out of 40 options of strengths.  Therefore, I would say that harmony does mean a lot to me.  However, I don’t think throughout my entire life, I have lived with the “best” or healthiest harmony.  There are times that I avoided conflict at all cost, and still do.  I would rather just walk away from any problems as opposed to discuss it.  Now, I do think that there are times when this is a healthy choice, but there should be times when I should consider talking about my problems with people so myself and the other person/party can harmonically fix the problem.  Because of that, I wanted to take a look at what the Bible has to say about this word of Harmony.  

The first verse that I wanted to highlight is Romans 14:19, which is, “So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.”  Let us always pursue peace and harmony.  I picked this verse because I believe this is something I need to practice.  I actually want to really highlight the ending of “mutual upbuilding.” As I have mentioned, there are times that I try to avoid any conflict.  I am like a turtle in that when there is conflict, I would rather hide in my shell and avoid any confrontations.  However, while again that can be good in some cases, there are times that it will not help a group grow.  There are sometimes times when the question/conflict that you have and want to mention is stifling to the group, and the group needs to become aware of this problem to help the group grow and prosper.    

The second verse that I want to bring up is Colossians 3:14, “And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”  The main ingredient of creating harmony is love.  This again may seem simple, but it can at times be difficult, really difficult, to show love to those that you are disagreeing with.  However, even when we are having these disagreements, love can fix/build those bridges of disagreement.  This love best comes from Jesus.  People can live in their best harmony when they are in agreement and in harmony with Jesus Christ.  This is explained in Romans 15:5, “May the God of endurance and encouragement grant you to live in such harmony with one another, in accord with Christ Jesus.” Here is the reminder that we will always achieve our greatest harmony when we are in Christ to complete that.  

The last set of verses that I wanted to bring up is Romans 12:16-18.  These verses say, “Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”  There are going to be times when sadly, we won’t be liked by everybody.  We may have tried to do whatever we can to repair the relationship, and it may not always be enough.  This can be the times where we may want to act as though we are the ones that are correct and may even try to get people to be on our side.  We may talk bad about the other person or gossip about them. Even if it is hard, it is in our best interest to not repay that evil or disagreement with someone with more evil of our own. Whatever you can do, do your best to achieve peace with one another.  If there is disagreement with another, but that is because of the other person refusing to make harmony, then it is up to them.  It is now their job to create harmony with you and the situation.  

There are times when harmony is incredibly hard.  There are times when we may have frustration and general disagreement with another person or group.  This is sadly, a part of life.  However, as we can see, there are many references in the Bible that call for Harmony.  Harmony and peace is something that God prioritizes, so when those moments arise, we can take those verses as to how to achieve that harmony.  God gives us his peace and therefore we can send that peace, therefore harmony, throughout the whole world.  Sometimes we can grow from disagreements as a way to grow as a group or individual people.  We can do that especially if we care about staying at peace on our end and rely on God’s peace and harmony.  

I leave you with this final thought.  In Psalm 133:1, “Behold, how good and pleasant it is when brothers dwell in unity!” It is good when we have unity and harmony with one another as opposed to disagreement and no unity amongst people.  It is a grand thing to work hard for.  Let us all do our parts to create the unity amongst people.

I love to golf.  I used to spend a lot of time golfing when I was in high school when I was on the golf team.  After I graduated, I didn’t golf as much because I didn’t have a golf partner.  This past year, I was determined to start golfing, even if that meant golfing by myself.  I got a membership this year, and I have relearned my love of golf.  Something that I have noticed is one, I haven’t completely forgotten everything!  I have had some pretty great hits or holes, which made me happy that I actually could still do some of the things that I was taught in high school.  I didn’t completely forget how to drive the ball (which was always my best and still is I will say).  And, I am still not great at putting.  That is something that hasn’t changed and won’t probably soon since I never take the time to practice it.  (Would you guess that it is also my least favorite). 

The other thing is that it is amazing to me when golfing how much I am impacted when I feel rushed, anxious or flustered.  When I feel like I need to hurry up because of the people that are behind me or when I feel like people are watching me, I do significantly worse than I would otherwise.  On the days that I relax and enjoy myself out on the golf course, not only do I have a better time, but usually, more often than not, my scores and swings show it as well.  This got me thinking again about my anxiety in general.  It seems as though my anxiety starts to impact every piece of my life.  Doesn’t it seem that no matter what it is, when there is anxiety you are always going to do a bit worse.  It is a weight around your neck that isn’t making you stronger, but rather incredibly weaker.   

There was one time in my Bible Study where it was asked whether or not we thought that anxiety and being anxious was a sin.  It was a good question.  Because really, again anxiety is our lack of trust in God, but however it is so painful and hard and feels as though it is out of control.  People can make up their own minds about whether or not you believe that it is a sin.  I am not here to argue that or even to say that it is.  I am definitely not putting any shame or judgement out there.  But it was a good thing to ponder.  I remember answering that question with the belief that it could be a sin, but one that God felt bad for us for.  It would be almost like he would be looking down on us and say, “Oh my poor child, why are you hurting yourself with that?”  I do believe that it hurts God to see in us this anxiety and depression, and how it impacts us mentally.  

Because I don’t want this anxiety to ruin my life, and in this example my golf game, I have tried to develop a few tricks to help me overcome my anxiety.  A few things that I have tried to learn are to take a few deep breaths before I swing.  I have been trying to center myself and find my peace.   I have also been trying to remember to look at my ball.  This is important when it comes to golf.  If you don’t look at your ball then you will often top it, which means hitting only the top of the ball.  When doing this, the ball won’t go as far and is often not in the right direction that the ball should go.  

Like in golf, when we feel stressed and anxious, we also need to take the time to center ourselves.  This can be done with deep breaths and resting in the Holy Spirit.  Like the Bible says in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”  We have a powerful spirit with us from God.  Therefore, when the anxiety is high, I take those times to remember that spirit and pray a little harder to the Lord.  Then when there are times that our stress results in a hard life, we can take that time to spend a bit more time with our heads down and reading the Bible.  

Why would I want to be anxious when it doesn’t provide me with any betterment to the game?  Why would I do worse in my life in general in order to feel anxious? I know that if you are someone who struggles with anxiety these are questions that are hard to answer.  We don’t want to feel this way, but it is just the things that we feel.  I hope that you can start to find small ways to overcome your anxiety everyday so that you may continue to improve your life. 

This last week my grandpa, my papa, passed away.  I am deeply sad about everything, and I was definitely shocked.  But I am going to use this blog as a way to remember my dear grandfather.  I grew up with my grandpa for the first five years of my life.  I lived there while my mom went to college before my parents got married.  Therefore, my grandpa had a big impact on my growing up years and raising me in general.  He was so special to me and taught me some fundamental elements as I was growing up.  

My papa was very dedicated.  This was something that was brought up at his funeral, and I agree completely.  He was a part of the military and was a medic when he toured Vietnam.  Since he was a part of that, he has been a dedicated member of the VFW in Sibley.  He would often be a part of military reunions and a part of the funeral services for other veterans.  He was incredibly dedicated to his job as a veteran.  He was also a worker at the courthouse for 49 years.  He was really good at his job, re-doing the county roads, sometimes even receiving awards for the best roads. He lived in the town of Sibley his whole life and was married to my grandma for almost 49 years.  All of these are really long numbers.  Not that a person is dedicated only with these long numbers, but it does show that my grandpa in particular was in anything for the long haul even for the ups and downs.  

Papa also was very good about doing great with the things that he had been given.  He wasn’t blessed with the biggest family.  He had only two daughters, my mom and my aunt, and then only two grandchildren, me and my cousin Blake.  However, I know that at least for me, I had the best grandpa.   He made sure to help raise me even though he had already had his children and didn’t need to help raise another child.  After this, he made sure along with my grandma to be at every dance recital, almost every concert, and a handful of games that I was playing.  (He especially loved going to volleyball tournaments where he would be waiting to get a hot dog at 8 a.m.) Papa should be remembered by 20 grandchildren because he was that wonderful, but he never complained about that and rather made it so he was the best grandpa for the two grandchildren that he had. 

My papa showed his love for his family and friends through great service.  I know that my grandpa loved me.  Any time that I had a question about something, he was willing to answer my questions or would just fix it.   He would always state that he could “fix anything, but a broken heart.” He would too.  He could fix anything that was broken.  (He also did often help fix my broken heart in my growing up years.) Even just this summer, my papa walked me through putting air in my bike tires and fixed my taillight in my car.  My mother has had my grandpa’s help in her creation of her three seasons room.  He absolutely loved being able to do things like this for his family and his friends, even if there would be times when you would hear a string of cuss words coming out of frustration. 

My Papa was a wonderful man, and he was one of my favorite people.  I know that I will always love him and remember him.  There will always be things that remind me of him.  The following poem is a poem to just highlight some of the things that I will remember my papa by. 

My Papa (When I…)

When I see a smiley older man,
When I hear a grandpa, or a papa,
When I eat a hot dog,
I will think of you

When I see a military salute,
When I hear the National Anthem,
When I listen to taps,
I will think of you

When I see a set of tools,
When I hear about the Yankees,
When I shop at Menards,
I will think of you

When I see your picture,
When I hear your voice in a recording,
When I listen to your favorite songs,
I will think of you

I will think of you
I will remember the good times
I will keep you in my heart
I will always love you

For those who know me, they know that I have really developed a love for running.  This has not always been there, but I have really started to develop into a runner.  I have completed quite a few 5ks, 10ks, and one half marathon.  (That being one of my proudest accomplishments in my life).  This year my goal is to run 750 miles.   I have so far ran over 450 miles.  

Running has taught and given me a lot.  But one of the best things about running is that it also has a lot of symbolism to verses in the Bible and how we should all view our walk of faith.  The apostle Paul wrote in 2 Timothy 4:7, “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”  I love this verse.  This is, of course, the verse that inspired this particular blog.  I love it because it is simple, but it also reminds me of the bigger picture within the Christian faith.  The Christian faith is in many ways like a race, a race that is more like a marathon as opposed to a sprint.  It is not always easy or fun, but it is worth it in the end.    

When running or racing, there are few different things that I have experienced, and I imagine many other runners have as well.  First is the hills.  Now, I live in Iowa, so I know that comparatively to many other people in other parts of the world, I don’t have hills.  I have little bumps in the road at most, nothing to the amount that states like Colorado have.  However, these are still an incline and therefore require more energy.  We are all going to experience hills, or in some cases mountains in our lives.  There will be disappointments, loss, and heartbreak at different points.  And just like running, those hills are going to require more energy to get up.  They also will often make one tired and be incredibly painful.  The good news is that our extra source of energy that we need is actually from the Lord.  He gives us the extra love, grace, and support that can get us up any hill or mountain that we have and will ever face. 

Another big element is fatigue.  Fatigue, like in all things, is being tired.  This fatigue could be because of the hills and hard trails.  However, there are times when I have felt as though I am exhausted the entire run and have to physically and mentally push myself to continue for seemingly no apparent reason.  I have learned, though, that a majority of the reason why I have particularly struggled on those runs and have experienced fatigue is because I am not taking care of my body correctly.  This is usually because I didn’t eat healthy food the days before that run or didn’t get enough sleep.   This also reminds me of our Christian faith, that when I don’t fill myself up spiritually by reading the Bible, fellowship with other believers, prayer, I start to struggle using my own tank to get through my days.  Just like I need to have the nutrition and the health that propels me forward in running, I need the correct spiritual nutrition to propel myself forward in my Christian race.    

Another thing is the runner’s high.  The thing that every runner loves! I feel this is the main reason why there are runners, even if they won’t necessarily say that in those words.  When people ask why I love to run, I definitely just want to say that runner’s high.  I love that feeling  as though I could run forever.  In our Christian faith, this is the opposite of the hard places.  This is the part of the Chritian run/race where one is the closest God that one can be.  This is the opposite of running with fatigue.  

Lastly, there is the completion of the race or run.  Besides runner’s high, this is the best part of the run.  Not because I hate the run part, but there is nothing better than being proud of the work accomplished and the great feeling in the body after finishing a run.  In many ways, this is similar to the peace and completeness that a person can feel once they have finished the race that God has planned for them.  

In 1 Corinthians 9:24, “Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.” I often don’t win races.  I am definitely not the fastest runner in the bunch, not even close.  I mostly get medals for a few completion, and sometimes an age category medal.  So, is Paul saying that you are only being a good Christian if you win a lot, that would not be good in my favor.  However, I don’t think that is what this verse is entirely saying.  This verse is reminding us that when we run the race, our Christian race, our prize at the end will be spending the rest of our time in joy and peace with God.  Therefore, keep running your race. Run up the hills, run through the fatigue and run through the good.  The prize is waiting at the end.