Recently I have been memorizing more verses from my Bible.  One of those verses has been 2 Corinthians 9:6-7, “Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.  Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” This is a good reminder that we each as Christians should think very much about what we want to donate to which particular cause.  

There have been many different causes that I personally have been approached to give with either time or money.    I believe that when a person has been blessed with money and resources, they are also then wonderfully blessed with the opportunity to give that money to help God’s message, justice, and peace spread throughout the world.  I will never forget once a person reminded me that the money that we have actually been given is the Lord’s money.  He created it, and he created our opportunity to have that money.  He made the jobs and the resources available to us.  Therefore when we are giving a donation, we are really giving money back to God.

If I am going to be completely honest in this time, I know there have been moments where I have been contacted to give money to a particular organization or a missionary, and I have not been the most thrilled.  There have been times when I have been texted by a missionary friend to ask me to speak to them, and I know that part of the conversation is going to be about finances and if I would be willing to finance a part of their mission work.  It can make me feel like all they want from me is my money.  I know that isn’t true, but it can be so very hard to ask someone to help with the finances, especially when they are going to be doing the work of God.  

At the same time, I can be the same way when I am completing the Dressember fundraiser.  If you have not read my blogs about the Dressember fundraiser, Dressember is when I wear a dress for the whole month of December and raise funds to help end human trafficking.  I am very passionate about this fundraiser, and I have a certain goal that I try to raise every year.  In order to raise those funds, I have to reach out to a lot of different people, and I do this through my social media feeds as well as by sending fundraising letters.  It is not the easiest thing to do, as it never is to ask anyone for money. I remember in those moments that I am not looking at people like money, but I am simply just asking for money in order to do God’s work.  

However, it is important that when we are given this chance to provide money to those in the world or organizations that have God’s heart, we spend a good time praying about this opportunity.  This provides us the chance to think about how we really want to be diligent in what we do for the Lord.  While we are aware that all the places could be good, we also want to make sure that we are wise and useful with the money the Lord has gifted us.  We don’t want to waste our gifts.  

Another purpose of praying over our money is that God uses the money to go further and prosper more than we could ever imagine on our own.  This is like when God used the five loaves of bread and the two fish and he was still able to feed over five hundred people.   God has the ability to take a very small blessing and make it something grand.  Again, when I am doing the Dressember fundraiser, I pray that the Lord would take the money that I have been given and help me make an impact in the world by ending human trafficking.  Every single dollar that has been donated or given to me, or that I donate myself makes a change in at least one person.  

However, it is important that lastly, we pray we use this money in a cheerful and loving way.  It can be very easy to do this kind of thing because we feel we have to.  This can be we feel we need to do the right thing, we want to look good to other Christians, we want to feel good about ourselves, or maybe we want all of those things.  Whenever we give money because we feel we need to, then we are not really doing this because of the love of God, and therefore committing an act of legalism.   That isn’t really fulfilling the calling of giving then that he has set out before us.  

The Lord can do great work through us.  It may just be a simple act of a small donation, but it really can go a long way.  I will end with one more story and that is the story of the woman who gave a small donation to the temple before Jesus was killed on Good Friday.  This can be found in your Bible in Mark 12: 41-44.  This woman was a poor woman who only had a few coins.  She was going after all the men who had high-paying jobs and were successful.  They gave a ton of money, but they were proud of the money they were giving.  They wanted it to be a show.  They wanted the accolades and the praise from society for giving so much to the Lord.  The woman just gave what she had in her possession.  She gave and then prayed to the Lord.  She wanted to praise God through going to the Temple and through giving a small donation.  In all ways that we can possibly be, be like the woman at the Temple.  Give what is in your heart and the Lord will do the rest.

This morning I was reading for my devotional.  The part that I encountered was about Jephthah in Judges who ended up having to kill his own daughter as a sacrifice. I decided that this is probably one of my least favorite moments and stories from the Bible.  I know that may not be the most Christian thing to say, but reading this particular story just puts a bad taste in my mouth.  It leaves me with a lot of questions and not completely understanding.  Then I remembered that it is alright to question and not understand everything in the Bible, as long as I let this questioning and processing bring me closer to God, rather than farther away.  That is exactly why I am going to spend some time blogging about this particular story in the Bible.  

Here is the scenario.  A man named Jephthah was fighting battles for the Lord, and one of those battles was against the Ammonites.  He promised that if the Lord helps him win against the Ammonites, he will sacrifice the first thing that will come out of his house.  The Lord helped Jepthah succeed against the Ammonites.  However, his daughter just so happened to be the first thing to come out of his house.  Because of this, he ended up having to sacrifice his daughter to fulfill his promise to the Lord. 

The question is why do I hate this part of the Bible so much?  Yes, there is sacrificing of a person which most people don’t necessarily enjoy, but then I also hate how Jephthah’s plans were completely destroyed.  He was going to fight hard for the Lord, succeed, and then sacrifice the first animal or something like that to come out of his house.  He wept when he saw his daughter come out of the house, greeting him.  This left him shattered and destroyed. We all have had our plans, and they haven’t necessarily gone as we have planned.  We can maybe even think to ourselves, “How could God have let this happen?”  “Why would God do this?”  “What would be his purpose in this?”  and “How can this really be used for God’s glory?”  Have you ever thought of questions like these?   

I know I thought that when my grandpa died.  He died all of a sudden, two days before my grandma’s birthday, and a few weeks before my second year of teaching.  What was the point of my grandpa dying, and what was the point of him dying when he did?  I am even saying that, and I got at least 25 years with my grandpa.  Many others have faced stronger and more gruesome tragedies than I have.  However, even though it is sad to believe that the Lord can use this story, it has actually helped me grow closer to the Lord.    

Besides being willing to trust the Lord completely, there is another incredible lesson that can be learned from this story.  It is important to remember that we need to sacrifice everything for the Lord.  This man, Jephthah was willing to sacrifice his daughter to the Lord.  Granted, this is a bizarre scenario, and I don’t think that God would ever ask us to sacrifice a person in the sense of, you know, killing them.  He may ask us to sacrifice a loved one to him in that we trust him to do whatever he knows that he needs to do for the goodness of himself.  It can be hard to trust the Lord, even though we have to remember that as humans, we don’t have the power of sovereignty that he does.  He has the full picture, where we only have the pieces. Being willing to give up ourselves and our individual pieces can be hard, but in the end, it will make beautiful scenery.  

I know that one of the items that I really struggle to sacrifice is time.   I have probably discussed this before on my blog, but I absolutely love to schedule out my time.  I am a type-A personality, who loves to get as much done as possible in the time allowed.  (I do, of course, have my lazy days, though, when that doesn’t happen).  Every day I have six items that my Christian planner calls, healthy habits, that I do to grow as a person.  One of those healthy habits is spending time with the Lord and spending time in devotionals that I do pretty much every day.  However, do I really try to make sure that I am spending quality time with the Lord, or am I just spending time doing the devotional because it is one of my healthy habits?  

I know that I really need to spend time sacrificing to the Lord.  I need to spend my time really meditating and diving into God’s word and all that the words have to say.  Sometimes, I am just reading the Bible, but I am not really thinking about how the words should impact me and change my perspectives.  I have tried to spend more time doing that as I have started this blog.  When I do read something that changes my perspective or catches my eye, I have tried to dive deeper into understanding by writing it out.   

In conclusion, the story of Jepthah might not be a pleasant, happy story, but it is one that God used to showcase how we as Christians need to trust God’s plan.  Sometimes his plan may require sacrificing on our ends, but he knows what he is doing.  It is not always easy to trust his plans, but in the end, we will be a lot better off than trusting in our own smaller-scale plans. 

Recently, I was reading a book called, Scars and Stilettos, which is a memoir written by Harmony Dust.  I highly recommend this book, and I will give a brief synopsis of what this book is about.  However, I do believe that you should definitely read this book for yourself, so you can get her story from her own words.  Harmony was a stripper for money to support both herself through education and to finance her boyfriend in a very toxic relationship, who then later met a few friends that would lead her to a church and a Christian walk.  She has been able to walk away from her former life and is now even helping many young women who were in the same spot she was.  

One quote in her book after she became a Christian is, “Why would the hummingbird keep going to that man-made feeder when there was a garden set before it, filled with the real thing? I contemplated this, and it occurred to me that I had been doing the same.”  This was written watching hummingbirds go to man-made or artificial nectar when they were next to a garden and could definitely receive better nourishment from the garden.  Eventually, many of the hummingbirds noticed the garden that was sitting beside them and started to go there instead for the nectar that it provides.  

I instantly took a picture of this quote on my phone because it was something that I wanted to remember forever.  I think there are often times we as people can look past God and instead look to other things to bring us a satisfaction that isn’t the Lord.  We can often look to the items of this world that can provide us with some sort of nourishment or some form of happiness, but then we experience the love of the Lord and realize that the items of the world can never fully fulfill us.  

There may even be moments when we question in our Christian walk if the love of God is all we need, but I know that I personally then after looking to the world, always end up dissatisfied.  This quote from the book reminds me of a few verses from the Bible including, 1 John 2:17 which says, “The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.”  There are always going to be items and loves that come from the world.  However, those desires will eventually fall away, and they will definitely not last forever.  

If I am honest the times that I struggle with the idea of looking at nourishment from the world as opposed to the Lord is when I am focused on achievements.  It is so easy for me to believe that I need to achieve something, and then I will all of a sudden feel whole and complete.  I was incredibly happy after I finished my second half-marathon, and I was looking at my medal as though I had completed something awesome and something that shows I can do hard things.  

I also can think of this when it comes to my place of work.  I am a teacher now, and I often have the desire that I will achieve a teaching award that will place all the work and time on display in a positive way.  People will notice the work and the love that I had put in regards to teaching and for my kids.  I will be appreciated and will be loved by any school in the future that I choose to work at.  I also am looking at someday working at a non-profit, and then I have a deep desire to achieve great accolades or great success wherever I work for in regards to that profession.  

Is it wrong to train hard for something like a half-marathon?  Is it a sin to care so much about your job and to want to do the best job that you possibly can?  No, I don’t believe so.  I don’t believe that caring about making goals and trying to achieve those goals is a bad thing at all.  It is wonderful to love and care about the children that I serve and desire to make a great change in the world.  However, it is when I look at it to see if I can feel complete, as opposed to doing that work all for the glory of God, that this becomes a problem.  It is when we look to those items as bigger than the God we serve, that we start to create a god in the world, one that will leave us feeling alone and out-of-place.  

This merges two main ideas that are often in conflict.  Realizing that we live in a world and should care about the people in the world, yet should be desiring and believing that our only true nourishment is from the Lord.  This goes with my favorite verse being Colossians 3:23, which says, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters,”  This is a reminder that we should work hard, we should love our friendships and the people in the world, but we should do it with the overall desire to please and grow in the Lord.  Realizing that even while we are living in the world, we can still have complete nourishment from the Lord.  Do not continue to go to the artificial nectar in the bird feeder, but only go to the garden for what you need. 

I have noticed the last few years that the month of January is one of the hardest months for me and includes some of my hardest moments.  My first year of teaching included my worst teaching and behavior issues plus my worst interaction with a parent.  Then last January, I had a lot of problems and stress around coordinating Large Group speech, and I had the death of my aunt, Rhonda.  This year, I had even more stress and problems coordinating “large group speech.”  I have noticed in the last few years of January, I have my biggest breakdowns where I spend the majority of at least two days crying.  

I am sure that I am not the only one who finds the month of January to be rough. There is incredibly cold weather, in the negative degrees, and high winds.  The days are shorter and the dark is out longer.  I often will wake up in the dark and then get home after the dark has started.  I am not seeing this time as  beautiful and abundant, but rather a time to get through. I know I am not the only one.  There is even the term, “seasonal depression,” for a reason, and it can be easier and easier for people to not find hope during this time in their lives.  

One quote that I found recently while writing this devotional is a quote by Charles R. Swindoll that says, “Hope is like an anchor. Our hope in Christ stabilizes us in the storms of life, but unlike an anchor, it does not hold us back.”  I really loved this quote because this described hope in such a beautiful way.  This quote reminds us that hope is like an anchor in that it is sturdy.  It is present in the rough times and does not fall over.  This is a good reminder for me to always find hope in all areas of life.  Even if the weather is bad, even if it is dark outside, and even if I am definitely exhausted, I can continually find hope in all areas of life.  

I also need to remember that many of the other people are also struggling through this month of January.  Even though I am frustrated with a lot of my students and my co-workers, I have to keep in mind that they are also probably frustrated with the weather, darkness, and the looking of the long year ahead.  I need to remember to be empathetic with others during this time.  I need to remember that I don’t know everything that is going on in their life, just as I can’t expect them to know everything that is going on in my life.  

So, how do we all continually fight the desire to get discouraged and frustrated with the weather and this time of life?  Again realizing that my students and people I work with are also probably struggling reminds me that I should probably give students a chance to stress relief.  I know I can’t do this all the time, but maybe there could be about 10 to 15 minutes,  where I give my students a chance to listen to music, color, do some puzzles or talk about anything they need to talk about.  I know that I also always try to give cards and little treats to co-workers and friends because I want them to feel like they are helpful and wonderful and so great at their jobs when they can really be hard jobs.  This is definitely something that I should continually do in the future as well.  

I know that I need to find a list of things that give me hope, even when there are times it is hard to see the hope.  The first one is that I have some hobbies that I absolutely love that give me joy and give me a chance to relieve stress.  The second one is that I have people who love me, even when I am not the easiest person to love at times.  I know that I need a lot of validation, so I am grateful for the ones who have stuck around.  Then lastly, I have the God of the world, who saved me and others from the world of sin.  I have a God who died on the cross for our sins and wants me, a lowly human to spend forever with him.  

What is your list?  What are the items that give you complete hope even during the abyss of January or even in the abyss of any time of trials or tribulations? What are some things that you can do in order to try to get out of the abyss of January or the abyss of whatever time you are in?  I believe that for me, I need to take more time listening to music,  specifically God-centered music.  I have noticed that the music that I listen to impacts a lot of my moods.  I can easily turn to music that actually amps me up in my anger or continues to make me sad and that just continues me in my abyss of January.  Another thing I have noticed is that I need to make sure I continually talk to someone about my thoughts but not in a way that I may want, but in a way that I need to.  I need to talk to someone deeper in order to get my thoughts and continually grow, as I could easily do if I went to a therapist or a counselor.  

I know that we have recently started the month of February, which while not the abyss of January, still has a lot of the trails and the chill that the month of January has.  We need to make sure we are taking the items that we know we need to do in order to have better mental health.   Being aware that the weather and time of life may impact your emotions, can help us move forward throughout the rest of our winter and whatever abyss that we are facing. 

One of the books that I have loved the most is, “The 5 love languages,” by Gary Chapman.  I have loved this book because it taught me that people don’t always think like me (what a concept) and then to go along with that, people do not love the same as me.  If you are not familiar with the love languages, they are basically five different ways that a person can love someone else.  There are gifts, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation.  Each person has a way that they feel the most loved and the ways that they choose to love others.  Gary Chapman, the psychologist behind the Love Languages has written many books on the concept and how these different love languages can improve each and every one of our relationships.  This also is important to note that this is not just about our significant other relationships, but every single relationship that we are involved in.  

If you are a family member of mine or a friend, then you have most likely received a handmade card as well as a present from me.  This is because my number one love language is “gifts.”   I love thinking of others when I am shopping or when I am making a card, so that way I can physically give someone something that they can remember me by.  (My second is “words of affirmation,” so that is why cards are extra important.  I can then write a nice note.) Then, in turn, I also love getting gifts and cards.  I don’t necessarily need anything expensive.  I don’t want everyone to spend millions of dollars on me.  In fact, most of the time, it is the little things that I love the most.  Whether this is a small bookmark because I love to read or a picture of a sunflower because they know those are my favorite.   

  However, I have definitely learned that I need to make sure to show love to others through some of the different ways.  One way that I have been trying to grow in regard to others’ love languages is through the “act of service.” I have learned through being a teacher, that there are many jobs that we each do.  There are many times that we are all overwhelmed.  We have lesson plans, grading, and various other projects to keep the school running.  Most teachers that I know do extra work to make sure the students receive help, and that the school is overall successful.  I have discovered through this that it is incredibly important that we help each other out.  Service was never a high love language for me.  However, I have learned that there are many others who really truly feel loved, when someone asks them, “Do you need help?”  This can, of course, be something simple like asking to fold programs for concerts when one of your friends is the choir teacher or offering to watch over students, so a teacher can take a break.  

Another love language that is not by any means my number one is spending “quality time.”  I do admit that I appreciate spending time with others, but for the majority of my life, I also appreciate spending time by myself because I have a lot of work that I need to get done on a regular basis.  This is also important that this is not just spending quality time doing the activities that I enjoy, but rather they need to be the items that the other person enjoys. I have learned that this gives us an opportunity to know those around us a lot better.  If we only know how we appreciate love or how we appreciate spending time, we are not taking the time to really get to know those around us and what they need to make them feel loved.  Just because I love to give and receive gifts does not mean that my friend feels the most loved through this.  In the end, I am not really taking the time to get to know my friends and what they really, truly need.  

 There are many verses in the Bible that center around love and one of those is, Romans 12:10, which says, “Be devoted to one another in love.  Honor one another above yourselves.”  The verse right before this in Romans 12:9, starts with, “Love must be sincere.” It is vitally important that we love all those around us, and that is everyone who is in your life, both a person who is a part of the Christian walk and those who are not.  We need to care about people and love others sincerely, caring to know and love them more than how we would prefer to be loved.  This may, in the end, take more time and effort, but I promise you will have stronger and more loving relationships than you did previously. 

Last year I started helping keep books for away basketball games. I really enjoy doing this. One person I have met through this experience is a man who also keeps book at home games for a school in our conference. He is now a person I really enjoy talking to.   This also reminds me of my mom who works as a waitress and will often make good relationships with those that she serves on a regular basis.  I know many others who work in the service industry will also have a favorite customer that comes in regularly.  Sometimes, we meet the best people in the most unexpected situations.   

This made me realize how often in life we can choose to shut others out. With our phones and other electronic devices, it can be so much easier to ignore everyone else. However, I have found that there can be really great moments when we do take the time to get to talk to those around us.  Yes, there are videos that really make me laugh, and yes, I can have some good conversations with those on social media.  However, it does not even compare to real-life laughter and real-life conversations with the human people in our world.  

This is all a good reminder of the verse, Genesis 1:27 which says, “So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”  The Lord has created each person, and I do mean every person, in his own image.  There are many times that I will go through my life, not necessarily looking at every person as God’s image.  I will sometimes look at people in the streets, a part of a crowd, someone I need to work around, coworkers, and rough conversations.  Yes, there are also many people that I look at as friends or as people who I do want to spend time with. However, do I really look at these people as images of God, or someone who really needs to be treated like God’s creation? Sadly, I believe there are many times I do not look at people like this.  

Another Bible verse that speaks very well to this is Luke 6:31 or the Golden Rule verse.  It says, “And as you wish others would do to you, do so to them.”  There are times, we have all experienced when we want to be shown extra love.  Maybe, you just had a really hard day, so a stranger on the street giving you a compliment or smiling extra big ends up meaning so much to you. I will always remember the day we had my grandpa’s funeral, and I had to run to some stores for a few supplies on the way home.  The next day I had more professional development training at the school, so I also knew that I needed some supplies for my classroom.  The man who checked me out at one of the stores was incredibly kind.  He smiled real large and was telling me funny jokes.  He made me laugh at a time when I was about to cry.  I looked at him and told him that we just had my grandpa’s funeral that day, and I was happy that he was so kind to me on such a hard day.  To him, this was natural, but for me this was important.  

We do not always know the days that others are having.  We do not know who they just lost or what they just went through, so it is important that we treat them the way that we want to be treated and then some.   If we only treated people the way that we are treated, I highly doubt that the way that we treat others would be the absolute best.  We would most likely have times where we would ignore those around us or maybe even moments where we treat them as an inconvenience.  

One of my future goals is going to be to smile at every single person that I see at the grocery store.  I will try my best to make eye contact with them.  (Obviously, this will not be a weird way or a way that is going to make them uncomfortable.)  The reason that I personally say the grocery store is because I hate going to the grocery store.  I hate taking the time to pick out groceries and think ahead to what items I will need for meals that week.  I don’t hate cooking as much as I used to, but that also could be the other reason for why I don’t love picking out groceries.  For some reason, this provides me with a great amount of anxiety.   I then know that my impatience and my rushing to get out of there is more advanced.  However, there are a lot of people or God’s creation at the grocery store, and therefore I should take the time to care about them.

You do not know the people that you are going to meet.  You do not know the new mentor, the new best friend, the new story that will impact you that you will meet on a regular basis. Because of this, it is important that we as people start looking around to people as creations and images of God as well as treating others even better than we have been treated.  Through this, you will be filling the world with more joy, and you may meet some pretty awesome people. 

This year I am finally picking the word, patience.  It has been a long time coming.  I have always struggled with my patience.  I don’t like to sit and wait.  I also can easily get frustrated and not handle my frustrations with the most grace.  However, something I think that is important is that I will continually work on my previous words of the year.  My word of the year from 2020 was freedom and my word of the year from 2021 was Joy.  Because the year is over, I can sometimes feel that I don’t need to spend the time thinking about those past words.  That actually won’t help me grow.  While it is important to have a particular word and verse for the year, so I can stay focused and I can see growth, I need to make sure to continually grow in all fruits of the spirit.  

I recently wrote about patience and how I need to grow in patience in small things.  I am too often impatient when it is the little things that can go wrong, while I can be more patient in the big moments like losing my grandpa.   My goal is to take the moments when it is the little problems that arise.  Whether this be the moments that I spill coffee on my outfit as I am walking into the school or I am listening to someone say something that I don’t necessarily agree with.  Those are the moments when it can be very easy to curse in my head or get crabby instantly.  I know those are not the moments that should define my day and should not be a determiner in how I choose to act, yet at the present moment, they can be major mood shifters.  Realizing that little things can go wrong in your day, accepting them, and moving on will make my life on earth more enjoyable.   

The other problem and reasoning I need to pick the word patience as the word of the year is because I am not completely believing in the Lord’s sovereignty at the present moment.  I know I have been the best at trusting in the Lord’s plan.  I need to remember to patiently wait for the Lord’s timing.  This can be really hard for people, even God’s followers, because even though we can know God is completely sovereign, good, and holy, we still have a desire to plan our own lives.  It can be easy to desire our lives to be the way that we want them to be.  We have a vision and when the Lord seems to be going a different way than our vision was taking us, we are somewhat confused and feel misled.  

The verse that I need to remember the most this year is Romans 8:25.  I have also decided that this is going to be my verse of the year. This says, “But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”  We do not see all the workings of the Lord, but we need to remember to be patient for it and to remember that the Lord is in control.  This is similar to the people back when Jesus was around and the disciples and his followers didn’t understand what Jesus had been planning.  He even said in John 13:7, “Jesus replied, ‘ You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.’”  There are many times when I don’t know what God’s plan is or what he was doing on a particular day, but I have to know that God does have a plan.  

Last year, I had a joy journal where I wrote down one thing every day that brought me joy.  I am still planning on focusing on that, but I know that I need to find a way to focus on my growth in patience.  I am going to make sure to pray in the morning every day for patience.    When I have some impatience throughout the day, I am going to try to take a few minutes to journal about it before I move on to the rest of my actions.  Lastly, I know I need to find more coping mechanisms, whether that is I need to take more deep breaths or go on quick walks before I let the frustrations and anger fester or make their way into my words and actions.    

One last verse I will end this blog with is Romans 12:12, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”  I chose this verse to end with because I believe it does a great job of highlighting the three words that I have chosen over the past three years and gives me a projection for this next year.  It is important to remember to be joyful and to continue to hope for whatever is in the future.  It is also important that I stay patient regardless of the affliction or the issues that come my way.  Lastly, this is only going to be achieved through prayer in the Lord and the freedom that comes from following him. 

The first time I heard the phrase, Toxic Positivity, I remember being really confused.  I didn’t understand how you could have toxic positivity.  This sounds like an oxi-moron. So what exactly is toxic positivity?  Toxic positivity is when people expect others to be so positive that they can’t express emotions other than ones of joy, and happiness.  Basically having any other attitude is not accepted or permitted.  While living in a world filled with joy, happiness, and perfection sounds like a great time, there are so many other emotions that are present in our world.  

Why is this important?  This is important to highlight because we as people are going to have emotions other than positive ones.  We are going to have moments where we are sad or where we are angry or frustrated.  Acting like those feelings don’t exist is not necessarily profitable if we just keep them hidden away.  I am a teacher, and I know that personally as a teacher in this day and age, we often feel exhausted, frustrated, and underappreciated.  It is not that we don’t love our jobs, but we are having to monitor student learning, argumentative parents, and disrespect, and this has only increased since the pandemic.  This type of environment is hard, and we as teachers need to have moments where we can say not everything is positive, happy, and delightful.  

I do believe that Toxic Positivity can serve as a good reminder that we as people need to have perspective.  I just recently was reading a book called, “And Still She Laughs,” where we need a perspective on some items and times in our lives where we can overreact and be under-appreciative of what we have in life.  If there isn’t a loss of life, and this isn’t going to destroy anything, then we really need to keep in check how much emotion we put into something.  We need to be willing to see how we can sometimes take the smaller items and make them into bigger ones.  One example I have of this is when I was 23, and I found out that I needed another knee surgery.  This was already going to be my second one, on the same knee. I was really upset.  I cried a lot that day.  This meant four weeks on crutches, and it meant that I couldn’t run.  However, later that day I found out a girl my age had a rare case of Lou Gherig disease (two years later she would pass away).  It was not great not being able to run and walk for a few weeks.  However, I did need the perspective to realize that I would most likely heal from this surgery and would grow from this experience, and it could have been much worse.  I was still blessed to have my health mostly intact.  

So what is the balance here?  What does the Bible have to say about our emotions that are very real and very truthful, but yet they are not necessarily positive?  One verse I found that does a really good job at talking about this belief is Ecclesiastes 3:4, which says,“a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.”  There is a time for everything in life.  There are going to be times to mourn, but there are going to be times to dance.   However, it is very important to be thankful for everything that we have received.  The Lord is good all the time. The Lord is good in the bad circumstances, and he is good in the good circumstances.  Philippians 4:4 is a great showcase of this, “Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!”  This is a good reminder that we don’t have to live our lives with the belief that everything is butterflies and rainbows.  We don’t have to believe that everything is perfect. However, we do need to worship the Lord.  We do need to rejoice and be an example of God’s workmanship, no matter the circumstance.  

It is also important to realize that we need to be aware of other’s circumstances. It is important that we are sensitive to what many others are going through.  In Job, God actually was upset with Job’s friends because they were not sensitive to Job or his circumstances. While they were saying things like, “God is good,” which is truthful, they were not making themselves aware of his well-being.  It is important that we weep with those who weep.  It is important that we are willing to listen and be there for our brothers and sisters and to help guide them through both the good times and the bad times.  This takes more work than, “It will be ok,” but it will mean so much more in the end.  

There are going to be rough times.  There are going to be times that we cry and want to get away from the situation.  However, it is important that we don’t just try to cover up a situation with a bandage like toxic positivity wants us to.  We have to be willing to feel our emotions while talking to the Lord.  Tell him your thoughts and feelings.  Go to him in prayer.  Continue to give him praise and be grateful, but don’t be fake with the Lord or with others.  However, once you have worked through those emotions, then live your life to the fullest with joy.

This is the end of the year 2021.  All in all, this was a year that had a lot of highs and lows personally.  2020 was incredibly hard as it was the year of the lockdown from Covid, not being able to run regular school classes and a summer program, as well as the loss of my grandpa and dog, Kaiser.  This year started hard as I lost my aunt Rhonda, but since that rough start, I was able to finish my second year of teaching (that also was my first year completely in person) and I was able to have a normal summer program at the Bridge of Storm Lake.  I am in my third year of teaching now, and while I will not say it has been the easiest time, I am still continuing to grow as a teacher and am feeling a bit more confident in my job.  

One thing about my year of 2021 was my word of the year which was joy.  This was not always easy, which is why I believe that picking the word of joy was a good decision.  I will say that this is the year that I have struggled the most with my mental health.  Again, there were a few deaths in the family, going back to school after a pandemic, and growing disrespect in the classrooms.  There have been a lot of reasons why it is not always the easiest to be the happiest.  However, I know that joy is always most important.  I had a joy journal where I wrote down one joyful thing from everyday.  Even when there were lows, this helped me remember to find joy in everyday and in every situation.   

Some of my goals from the year of 2021 were reading 30 books, run 800 miles, squat 200 pounds, and participate in my first golf tournament. I have achieved these goals, and I do believe that I have grown as a person in these certain areas.  I am a goal setting person, and I am happy that I have these simple goals that help me grow in knowledge and exercise.  The one goal that I didn’t completely achieve was writing a draft of my first book.   I have done a lot of writing, including writing for this blog every week, but I know that I have a lot of growing to do in my writing and patience in order to achieve a full draft of a book.   

This year I also had an opportunity to be a coach figure in more ways than one.  At the beginning of this year, I finished my first season as a speech coach, and this included both Large Group and Individual.  I am also currently in that season right now.  While this can provide me with a lot of stress, there is a lot of joy that comes out of seeing my students get to be creative and have fun developing their roles in Reader’s Theatre and Choral Reading.  I also found that I really enjoy working with individual speech students and developing their skills at speaking in front of others.  I also got the chance to work as an assistant cross country coach for the first time this year.  If you know me, and/or have read my blog you know that I loved cross country in high school, and I obviously still love to run, so getting this opportunity to run and work with my middle/high school cross country team was a wonderful experience.  I loved the chance to run or bike next to the runners, and I loved getting to cheer them on at every cross country meet, including the state meet at the end of the season.  

This year I also got the chance to lead the summer team at the Bridge for my second year.  However, this year was the first summer I led that was more “normal” and didn’t have as many Covid restrictions.  I have found more and more that I love getting the chance to develop college age students into leaders and getting to support them throughout both the summer and in their college careers. I have gotten the chance to see one of my summer team members play football in college, and I saw the other one participate in a play.  It was great to see their other passions and know that even though the summer was over, I know they will be wonderful people and will grow into powerful leaders, whatever it is they choose to do with their lives.  

There are a few different ways that I need to grow in this following year of 2022.  One of those things is growing financially.  I don’t always spend the greatest amount of thinking in regard to my financial decisions.  I would really like to finish paying off my student loans from college, so that will be another great help to my financial health and saving of money.  Another item is to continue to make exercise and fitness goals.  However, I have decided instead of making a total miles goal, I would rather be able to run a 10k race in less than an hour. However,  I hope that I can run about the same amount of miles that I have the past two years, which is between 750 and 800 miles.  Along with exercising, I would like to increase my squatting to 230 pounds.  Besides that, I want to be able to find more ways to volunteer at anti-human trafficking organizations, and compete in a few more writing competitions (especially now that I received a manual typewriter for Christmas).  

In conclusion, 2021 was another long year in a pandemic, but it was also a year where I got to develop friendships, achieve goals, and complete different jobs.  There was a way to get more exposure in my writing through my first writing competition, raise over $1000 for Dressember, and run a half-marathon.  All in all, this was a good year, and I am hopeful that I can continue to grow in the year of 2022.  I am grateful for the year the Lord has given me, and I am excited about the opportunity for the next one. 

Recently I was looking at verses of the day.  The verse of the day as of recently was Psalm 119:18, which says,“Open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law.”  The Lord has a law that is gracious, loving, and provides us with a great amount of freedom.  However, we often as people, including myself, can look at items in the law and not understand how much value it will have on our futures.  How much happier we will be when we don’t live with the anger, sadness, or the things of this world that are actually very much bringing us down or negatively impacting us.  This is even when those items of the world seem exciting, passionate, and mesmerizing.  

When I was a kid, I often begrudgingly followed the laws of my parents.  I remember the one that I despised the most was going to bed at my bed time.  I am a night owl still to this day, and I felt as though all my playing and creative works were being shortened by my mom telling me it was time to go to bed.  However, as many of you know, the reason my mom chose bed time was to make sure I started living a healthy lifestyle, and one can only have a healthy lifestyle when getting enough sleep.  As I have grown up, sleep is not the law or the item that I have needed to focus on.  I actually now, of course, get very excited when I have the chance to sleep more.  I love the chance to go to bed early and sleep in late.  I have found that the best way to function and stay good at my job as a teacher is through having enough sleep.  

I have found that as I get older, I know that I need to avoid the other adult temptations that can come from wanting to be like everyone else.  It can be just as easy to fall into temptation as an adult as it is when you are a young child.  It just seems as though the items of temptation are a bit different.  I have noticed that I really need to make sure I don’t always talk like some of the other friends that I am hanging out with.  When I am with my friends from school, who are wonderful and whom I love, I can sometimes start to gossip or even use words and phrases flooded with profanity.  They start doing it (mainly because we have stressful jobs and need to vent) that soon I start to do that as well, and there are other times when I am the one who initiates the gossip or the venting with profanity.     

Recently I was watching a Youtube channel called “The Take.”  This show takes a look at something that is shown in shows, movies, and other entertainment.  I watched one about a good girl who is described in many movies and television shows as a girl who is innocent, follows the rules, and likes to be nice and timid.  The T.V shows and movies love to take that girl and somehow make her eventually go bad, where she breaks rules, and is more experimental with drinking and sex.  This is not supposed to be considered the bad moment of the movie, but rather the moment where the girl finally finds herself.  The greatest example of this is Sandy from Grease.  This did make me realize that we really do, in life, idealize those who don’t follow the law or love to be “bad.” The ones who are following the law and are timid need to change to be more like everyone else.  That is their true self.   

Even though the world provides a lot of temptations and objects of distraction, there are ways that we can fight the desire and urge to break the law of God.  The biggest thing that we can do in order to appreciate the law is to spend more time in it.  We can’t follow or learn from God’s law if we never read or study it.  I understand that it is not always easy to read the Bible.  I love to do Bible studies over Christian books by Christian authors.  I think that this is important too, and there is a lot that we can learn from Christian books and authors, but there are times when I need to be better about spending time in the Bible and really diving in deep to God’s word.  The Law comes from the Bible.  Christian authors study it and write books on it, but it is important to get the law from the source itself.  

Another verse that discusses this topic is Psalm 119:9-11 which also happens to be in the same psalm as the verse listed above. “How can a young person stay on the path of purity? By living according to your word.  I have hidden your word in my heart, so that I may not sin against you.”  This was a verse that I have put to memory in this past year, which is incredibly fitting as this verse talks about hiding his word in our hearts and memorizing pieces of scripture.  There are a lot of benefits to memorizing scripture including being able to use it when you are tempted or in a bad situation. We are all tempted to sin in our own different ways.  This could be in our impatience, our gossip, our loose words, our worship of different gods, or any other item that your particular temptations may be.  The good news is that pretty much any temptation that you as a person can be struggling with, there are some verses that are in the Bible to help you in your time of trouble.  

This is all a good reminder that the Lord’s law has been a gift given to us.  These are the words of God who, just like the best teachers and parents, wants to give us rules and regulations that will make us the most happy and filled with joy.  There are definitely times when this will be hard, and there will be many moments when we will want to be like everyone else in the world.  But we have the word that we can read on a regular basis as well as memorize for our assistance in becoming the best God-followers that we can be.