I have been reading the book “I want to Trust You, but I Don’t,” and I have really been enjoying this book so far. It has really dove into the things we as people experience making it really hard to trust others. There are times when we as people are lied to or we can be excluded and hurt by those we trusted. Lysa, the author, is very honest about her thoughts and feelings as well as her struggles, especially after her divorce from her husband who had many affairs.
One chapter I really enjoyed was about resiliency. Lysa discussed being on vacation, when the ice machine broke down leading to her breaking down emotionally. She describes her temper tantrum and emotional outbursts she had after this ice machine broke. Was it monumental?… no. The reason she had this emotional breakdown was because of every problem she had in the recent past with her divorce and the loss of other friendships occurring after the divorce was finalized. The ice machine was just one little other broken thing in her life. However, after having her tantrum, she decided she was going to fix the ice machine. She watched the Youtube videos and got the instructions of how the ice machine works, and she got it to work once again.
This chapter in particular had some great quotes including, “…but don’t miss an opportunity to overcome an ‘I can’t or I don’t’ today.” Lysa took a moment to be in an “I can’t,” or “I don’t,” or “I won’t,” state to then overcome it and eventually say, “I can,” and “I will.” She realized at this moment she needed to find ways to be resilient on a regular basis. It can be hard and it can take courage and strength, but it is something that will help anyone through any sort of trust issues or hurt issues.
One other quote I loved from this chapter was something she learned from her therapist. This says, “Trauma isn’t an event that happens. It’s how you process the event.” I want to be sensitive about this. I am very aware I haven’t had huge amounts of trauma in my life, especially compared to other people in the world. However, this is something to realize that trauma needs to be processed in a good way.
When trauma doesn’t mend properly, then it creates a lot of issues for the rest of your life. It will come out in ways one didn’t expect later in life. Later in the book, Lysa even says this with the quote, “Unresolved hurt inside us will be multiplied out by us unless we make the conscious choice to stop it.” Lysa talks about a particular organization that has hurt her in the past, and I realized many of us have experienced this. We have maybe been hurt by family, a workplace, a friend group, and even maybe in some situations, a church or a Bible group.
I have been very hurt by a particular friend group, and I have realized over these past few years I have struggled with trust issues. I have talked about this before, but this particular friend group just decided to stop regularly inviting me to things. I will say it wasn’t everything, but there was enough that there was consistent hurt. When I brought up these concerns with them, I often felt as though I was made to be the bad guy. I was making them feel bad when they didn’t intentionally try to hurt me. Then once I moved away, I felt as though I had to do all the reaching out and the connecting if I wanted this friend group to stay friends with me. I won’t say this whole friend group is rotten or bad, but maybe they were not the friend group I needed.
I sometimes don’t know if there are people who really love me or who will just decide one day they don’t want me around. It is something important for me to realize I can continue to trust in God, and his love for me. I can trust in him and his discrepancy for the relationships I choose to have with people in the world. They aren’t going to be perfect, but I can always be with God for the times when I am hurt or left broken. Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “”Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him”
The challenge for this week is to do some personal reflection. Are there times when you personally really struggle with trust? What do those situations look like? When do they become the most noticeable? Then after some time in reflection, pray to God to deliver you from this lack of trust you have with others and maybe even with God. We can really only be resilient in our trust issues through our prayers to God.
Colossians 3:23 Blog 