What Have I Done?

I love the book of Esther.  It has always been one of my favorite books of the Bible, and I have read it many times.  One thing I paid attention to this time reading was King Ahasuerus after he divorced and sent off his first wife.  I had always read over that scene fairly quickly.  Esther wasn’t even a part of the story yet.  The interesting parts hadn’t begun.  However, God is so good about taking the seemingly boring parts of a story and giving us a great lesson out of it.  

Before I highlight the verse I want to, I am going to give a bit of context on the beginning of the book of Esther.  This book starts out with a huge banquet.  This is to honor the King, Ahasuerus and his wife, Vashti.  However, the majority of the time they are not together but rather enjoying themselves in their own separate rooms.  Vashti with the women in the court and Ahasuerus with his male servants and officials.  It was not until Ahasuerus called out Vashti to show off her beauty, they really spoke or acknowledged each other’s presence, at least as far as the reader can see.  

Now, it is hard to know exactly the reasons why Vashti denies her husband, the king, when he asks to have her show off her beauty.  Maybe, she really didn’t want to be harassed and ogled at by her husband’s workers and friends.  Maybe she didn’t really want to see her husband with a lot of liquor in his system.  Or maybe she was having a really good time with the other women in the court and she didn’t want to be distracted from their conversation.  Either way, she did not go to the king.  Instead of talking to her and solving this spat, the king did have a different plan in mind for how to deal with this situation.  His solution, send Queen Vashti out.  She was no longer going to be the queen or his wife.  

The verse I want to highlight from this story is Esther 2:1, “Later when King Ahasuerus’ fury had subsided, he remembered Vashti (first wife) and what she had done and what he had decreed about her.” I noticed this verse because it really shows King Ahasuerus was incredibly drunk and furious when he decided to be rid of his first wife Vashti.  It was like he realized after he had calmed down that he had made some bad choices. He doesn’t have a wife now, and his country doesn’t have a queen.  He was realizing in those moments, his actions had consequences.  King Ahasuerus was given the opportunity to have his staff create a contest where the single women come to the palace, and they are in a competition to become his next wife.  

This made me realize we can often make bad choices when it comes to being really angry, emotional, tired, hungry, etc, essentially when we are not in the best frame of mind. We can then hurt people, quit something we were originally passionate about, and fall into temptation.  There are so many bad decisions we can make and not realize our consequences until it is too late.  And…most of us don’t have a staff working to fix our problems. We need to make things right on our own.  We may have to swallow our pride and apologize, we may have to put in extra hours to fix a past mistake, and sometimes we may not fully be forgiven.  

One thing to learn is that it is important to remember when our emotions may be compromised.  For example, King Ahasuerus became really angry after he was incredibly drunk.  I think realizing how we can act when we are in any way inebriated is important.  Realizing we can make worse choices when we put ourselves in a particular position is something we need to be reflective over.  This can even include when we are extremely under slept or undernourished in other ways.   However, the next day, we are going to have to reap the consequences of our actions.  Using an excuse of being drunk or being out late will only work so far.  

I have learned through the years that whenever I start to get upset, I need to step away and reevaluate my emotions.  I may need to cry.  I may need to talk it through with someone else.  I may need to simply give myself space from other people.  I may just need a break from seeing people in general, even the ones who had nothing to do with the situation at hand.  It is important to avoid getting too emotional and too angry too quickly before I do something I regret.  

I also have definitely learned to pray over these situations.  I know that God is the only one who can help me when my emotions are about to spill over.  I definitely noticed this in high situations when I was teaching.  There were times I would become so frustrated with a class.  At nights and in the mornings, I would spend time in prayer, asking the Lord to help me with the patience to do my best for these particular students and class.  He helped me so much, and I know he saved a lot of relationships with my students.  

I am not necessarily going to have a challenge for this week because I am hopeful that this week there won’t be a moment that will upset you either in anger or in sadness.  However, hopefully when there will be future moments, you will know how to best handle your emotions.  I am hoping that maybe you find the few strategies that best process your emotions, so you don’t make a decision where you will wake up and regret something you had done in an emotional state.