So long as it depends on you:

Lately,  I have been struggling with my impatience.  I have always struggled with impatience, but lately it has been with the feeling that people, specifically my co-workers, are treating me a bit begrudgingly because I am sometimes the “nice person.”  I am often the person they can get their anger out on.   I find this really hard because I don’t like being taken advantage of.  I am personally struggling with how to best approach this as a Christian.  I don’t want to be walked over.  I don’t want to feel like the punching bag for others’ problems.  But, I want to be God’s walking light.  I want to share his radiance and want to be the light that this world sees.  I want to know that my integrity and character stay intact, even while others don’t and are not acting the most agreeable.  I know who I am and more importantly I know whose I am.  I am a child of God, and that should be what matters most.     

This was a problem that many in the Bible faced as well.  In Romans 12:18 it says, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”  Paul wrote this to the church of Romans after he had seen many not getting along, even when they were supposed to be in the same family, God’s family.  In the end, creating harmony can only be done as long as it depends on you and not on others.  Even when the other members are making life hard, it is very important that we keep our integrity.  It is important that we don’t spend our time speaking harshly to them, we shouldn’t gossip, and we shouldn’t try to create hostility or use words our enemies could use against us. 

I have a perfect example from this past week.  I was talking to a coworker, and I got very upset by their comment that they made to me.  This being said, I responded in a way I hardly ever do.  I was snippy and I raised my voice.  From her perspective, it very much seemed as though I was yelling at her.  Now, this was already after a bad day, and filled with disappointment from many other parties, students, and just generally, myself.  Then put salt on the wound, and I was ready to yell out in pain.  However, afterwards I was filled with deep regret.  I don’t know so much if I was filled with regret for the fact that I had gotten upset.  While I did want to stand up for myself, there was also a part of me that didn’t like that I didn’t act with my usual integrity. 

Romans 12 will continue its theme of living in Harmony in verses 19 and 20.  These verses remind us that we should not take revenge, but rather if your enemy is hungry, feed him, if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.  Basically, we need to do the contrary to what our flesh and our human hearts want.  They want to seek revenge and to get even, but our God-like heart should want to show love and support even when that person does not love us equally.  The Lord also reminds us that in verse 19 we need to let the Lord avenge us and fight for our injustices.  In a recent church service, I was reminded of this.  The pastor asked us some prompting questions including, “Do you believe in the Lord enough that he will avenge for you”  Basically asking that if we truly trust the Lord, than we shouldn’t feel the need to fight back for our injustice, because we will know that the Lord is there for us and will take care of us and will make things right and just.  If we then believe that we don’t need to take the issue into our own hands, then we can spend more of our time thinking about how to act more like the Lord.  

It is also important to remember that God and the Holy Spirit are the main source of help that we have in this world.  I often believe that I can will myself to be completely patient and kind no matter what happens.  However, it is never really, truly me that is the one that becomes more and more patient.  It is the Holy Spirit that the Lord has given me.  What is the most important is for me to remember that I need to pray and focus my attention more on the Lord and how he can help me achieve my patience rather than by myself.  

The thing that I have found helps me the most in this matter is to talk it out with someone else.  I need to make sure this is actually talking it out as opposed to venting.  I often can find myself talking badly about the situation, making myself sound like the obvious sufferer and victim and the other person, the evil, malicious one in the wrong.  I need to make sure that I find someone who I can talk out my problems with, and to find growth.  I know that this for most people can be a therapist, or a mentor. I have also taken moments to write things down about my feelings and why I feel wronged, and then more importantly what I can do to change the situation.  This is, again, one of the many reasons why I have a blog. I definitely need to continue to grow in this, but I know that the older I get and the more mature I become, I will be able to live in harmony with more and more people, even when they do wrong against me.