Recently I was listening a bit to the rapper, NF. I love his music, and when I am in the mood for some deeper raps, his are usually the ones that I listen to. He has this song that is called, “Therapy Session.” One of the lyrics in that song goes, “If I wouldn’t say what I say to your face, Then I promise you I wouldn’t say it in private.” This really is a powerful quote when you think about it. Nate (the actual name of the rapper NF) is promising that he won’t say anything behind your back essentially. He is saying that what he says and how he treats you in front of you is exactly how he feels about you, and it does not change once he is away from you.
I feel as though it is not always easy to live this quote out. As much as I hate to admit it, there are many times that I will say something behind someone’s back that I wouldn’t say to their faces. I can be a lot more kind and a lot more loving in front of people’s faces, (which is an overall good thing), but I may not be completely as loving or compassionate behind those same people’s faces. I am not saying that this means we should say mean or hurtful words to each other’s faces. But if on a usual basis, we would be way too ashamed or scared to say certain words to people than we should never even think or dream about saying that behind the person’s back.
This is always something that I need to keep in check. If you are friends with me, it is not that I am talking bad about you behind your back all the time. (I promise! If you are friends with me, then I really do love and care about you!) I do have a few issues, though, with this as we all do. If I am honest about my struggles with my tongue, the main issue would be venting for a long time behind people’s back. When I am upset with someone else, I need to learn to find a way to better verbalize my thoughts and emotions or get it off my chest than sounding as though I am bad-mouthing or talking negatively about the person I am frustrated with. Another problem is when someone else starts to talk bad about a person I love, I may not always be the quickest to defend that person or every once in a while can join in on that person’s jokes.
This is especially true with gossip. It is not very easy to avoid gossiping, especially when others start to gossip. It can be so easy to gossip and talk about others and their issues whilst not being in their presence and in the community of others. This, of course, can include telling others about the rumors that are about someone else. The Bible brings this up a few times as well including in Psalm 62. In verse 4, there is a part of the verse that says, “With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse.” I love this verse because it reminds me that even if we say kind things with our mouths, but we don’t actually mean it, then we are not really providing the great blessings and giving the good things that our mouths are saying. It will not be good if we also spend our time giving out false promises or giving out false narratives to those around us. When we are gossipping or slandering, we are also not giving out blessings.
Overall, this is very important because we really need to care about the words that we say and specifically that we mean the words that we say. We shouldn’t just give out false words and words that are filled with empty promises, blessings, and compliments. At the end of the day, if we are saying something to someone in order to look good or sound good, then we are not really caring about the person. If you don’t mean the words that you say or you speak behind someone’s back, then you are overall not being truthful or God-filled, but instead you are being fake and two-faced. God ultimately wants us to care about being authentic and be who we are amidst everyone that we are with. It is not useful to speak falsely or lie to those that we are with and think differently behind their back.
The two other reminders I have is that it is important to be honest, and it is important to process emotions outside of those we are possibly upset with. We need to be honest with those that are in our lives. We don’t have to just be Yes people who tell people what they want to hear. (Especially, if we don’t mean it and maybe tell someone else later what our real thoughts are). There is a way that we can be honest and kind. We can tell our true thoughts by showing love and care for those around us. The other one is that it is important to process certain emotions sometimes in a separate place from the ones who may upset us. I said earlier that I like to vent when I am upset with someone. However, I do think that if I am talking to someone about how someone else hurt me in order to get advice and speak of that person in a loving manner with the hope that a relationship can be repaired then it should be done. Then I believe that it is important to process those emotions out and then maybe speak to that person to their face if that is what you need to do to help repair the relationship or speak of the problems.
Overall, it is important that we care about being authentic and that we care about being the person we say that we are in front of others and behind their backs. Can you be a person like the rapper NF says when he says, “If I wouldn’t say what I say to your face, Then I promise you I wouldn’t say it in private.” I hope that we all can and learn to use this as our own mantra.
Colossians 3:23 Blog 