Dear Papa,

I wanted to let you know that my bathroom sink is kind of plugged.  It takes longer to drain.  I have thought about calling my landlord, but I am afraid of sounding annoying.  Mom says that we should invest in a sink snake, but I would also be nervous to run that on my own.  I know that on a usual basis, you would take a look or talk me through what I could do first.  You were all about helping me with those things, and I know that you would have loved (as much as one can love) helping me get my sink back to the way it is supposed to be.  It is going to be hard for me to talk through these little house problems with anyone but you.  It is almost summer which means that I am also going to have to fill my bike tires with air.  I know that last year I called you and we talked for a long time, so you could help walk me through how to pump up my bike tires with my car pump. I am very hopeful that I will be able to do it on my own this year.  I wouldn’t really know who else to call.  

I have almost made it through my second year of teaching.  You haven’t been here for any of my second year stories.  It has definitely been a hard year.  We have had online students, students (almost a whole class at once) in quarantine, and even mask mandates in the classroom.  It is so much fun trying to get middle and high school students to wear masks throughout the day.  (I hope you can hear the sarcasm in heaven, papa, because it is there).  I was also the speech coach this year.  Some highlights are that my Reader’s Theatre group went to state, and I had two kids get straight 1s at individual state.  I also learned how to keep the stats book at basketball, and I actually really enjoyed doing it.  I bet you would have thought that was cool because you were always interested in sports, and you most definitely liked basketball more than me.   I can only imagine how many times I would have called you to give you these updates if you had been alive this year.  

When I had my first day of school, I cried so hard because I didn’t get to call you and tell you how it went.  I do have reminders of you in my room though.  I have a picture from when you and I went to the UNI football game and the painting I made you as a Vietnam Veteran.  Many students have asked about those things, and I have gotten the chance to talk about the great papa you were.  I hope that I make you proud papa.  There are often times when I will wonder if you are in heaven really watching all the different things that I am doing. If you are taking time from the constant parties and worship with the Lord to check in on those who are down below.  Whenever I make a decision, yes I want to make sure that I am pleasing the Lord, but now I am also concerned that I am making you happy as you are there watching from above.  

I wanted to let you know that I can at times be more emotional and sensitive.  Now, I know you are shocked to hear this because you thought I was emotional as a young kid and even in college.  However, I would say that I have tried to not cry over everything as much these last few years.   I have found myself crying at times very unexpectedly.  I will think of something about you papa, and I will just find myself with a hole in my heart and tears coming down my face.  (You may find this really hard to believe, but my mom is the same way.  Don’t tell her I told you, but she is kind of sappy now.  She loved you a lot, even when she wasn’t always the most emotional of a person).  I don’t hate this being emotional, though, because I do think this helps me realize and appreciate the relationships that I do have and to remember that I don’t know how long I will have them in the future.  

I have learned how to be better with people who are going through grief since you have died, papa.  I understand how much it can hurt, as well as how long.  I understand now that the pain never really ends but it can come in waves.  I remember how much it meant to me when people came and spent time at your visitation and now most recently, my aunt Rhonda’s visitation.  It also again meant so much when people checked in.  Because of this, I have learned to do that with others as well.  I have learned that this should be past the initial week of the event.  While people may need you very much so in that first week when tragedy happens, they also may need you in the weeks and the months that follow.  When everything becomes quiet again, that is when grief can strike very heavily and that is when I need to remember to also be there for my friends and family who are going through grief.  I hope that since you have died, I have learned how to be a more selfless, and caring person about those who are around me and to be more empathetic as I know that someone is struggling through grief.  

I also hope that you have been able to talk to Aunt Rhonda and play with Kaiser.  Please say that you are giving Kaiser scratches from us.  We have missed doing that for him terribly.  We do have a new dog, though, and his name is Rollins.  We named him that after you and Rhonda, since your name is Robert and her name is Rhonda Lynn, we thought it would go well together.  I had so much to tell you, so I am very happy that I have this blog post and an opportunity to write to tell you everything.  I know that you can’t really read these words, but this made me feel as though you could.  

I know that for those reading this blog post that it was a little more personal, so thank you double time for everyone who read my words to my grandpa.  It means a lot to me.  I wish my grandpa could read this letter.  These are all the things that I had been wanting to talk to him.  However, I know that there are many others who have been hurting or are grieving a loss.  Maybe this is even a loss that happened a long time ago.  I do want to give you a reminder that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”  (Psalm 34:18).  Losing my grandpa has forever changed me as a person, and it would be wrong for me to ignore both the challenges and growth that has come from this life event.  Whatever painful event you have gone through, I also hope that you take the time to reflect on the growth that is being made.